


Of Zombies and Angels

by BellaRyuu



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Best Friends, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 01:21:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 49,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7199672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaRyuu/pseuds/BellaRyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~Castiel was pretty sure he had never ran so much in his life. The beasts were fast, but seemed to have trouble getting over fences and through doors. Breathing heavily, Castiel took a moment to look around for some sort of weapon. He continued away from the sounds of chaos, searching for a way to arm himself.~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Suddenly, Zombies

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted on Fanfiction.net. I've really only changed the title.

The bathroom mirror was much larger here at his parents' house than the one in his apartment. Castiel slapped himself lightly in the face a couple of times, trying to work up the courage. After years of staying so far in the closet he was practically lying to himself, Castiel had decided he needed to finally come out. He was twenty-two but at times he still felt like a scared thirteen-year-old. He was tired of living in fear of all the what-ifs.  
What if his parents somehow found out? What if they were disgusted with him? What if society didn't accept him? If he decided to tell his coworkers, would they still regard him the same? What if they didn't? What if he never came out and just decided to stay in the closet forever?  
He tried to convince himself to believe in other what-ifs. Like, what if they accepted him for who he was and this weight could be lifted off his chest? His parents were of course the first step. If they could accept him then that was all that mattered. And if they couldn't? Well, he'd have to figure things out as he went. He'd cross that bridge when he came to it, if he had to. God, he was stalling way too long. He was surprised his mom hadn't come to check on him yet.  
His parents lived in Chicago, while he'd moved to live in the Big Apple. Something that had been a dream of his since he was a child. He'd managed to get a cozy office job, thanks to his father's connections. Castiel was only visiting his parents for the weekend. He had convinced himself at the beginning of the week that this was the time. He was finally going to have the talk with them.  
There was a strange sound from downstairs. Castiel opened the bathroom door to try to decipher what the sound had been. Something glass was broken and then his mother started screaming. It was the most chilling sound he had ever heard. He was pretty sure he had never heard his mom scream. With his heart panicking, trying to thud its way out of his chest, he ran down the stairs. The smell of his mom's famous roast assaulted his nostrils, the whole downstairs smelled of a warm family dinner. He quickly scanned the living room and moved to the kitchen.  
Castiel froze at the entryway to the kitchen. His eyes didn't seem to want to accept what they were seeing at first. Some sort of animal was on the kitchen floor, just on the other side of the island. It was tearing something apart. There was a puddle of blood and… what were those thick objects in the blood?  
He swallowed hard, unsure of what to do next. He quickly looked around the kitchen, hoping to find his mom standing on one of the counters in fear or something. But she was nowhere to be seen. As for this father… Where was he? Had both parents managed to escape? His eyes found their way to the bloody mess on the kitchen floor. There was a pale white hand sticking out from behind the island. Wet ripping sounds could be heard echoing in the suddenly small kitchen.  
"M-mom?" He choked out without realizing he'd actually spoken.  
The beast from behind the island stopped what it was doing to stand-completely covered in blood- and stare at Castiel. It took a moment for Castiel to see that the beast was none other than his father. Or it used to be. There was no one home in those dead eyes. The horrible mouth opened in some sort of growl and the beast was suddenly running straight towards Castiel.  
Run. Fucking run. A voice in his head urged.  
Castiel obeyed. He turned and ran for the front door, slamming it behind himself in hopes of slowing the beast down. He looked around the front yard as if expecting to suddenly wake up from this horrible nightmare. There were screams and the sound of things breaking everywhere. He jumped at the sound of the beast ramming into the front door. How could this be happening? Surely he would wake up anytime now. The world seemed to be falling apart. With one last look at his parents' home, Castiel turned and ran. There were people being killed, being eaten alive.  
"Help! Help me! Someone please help me!" A voice called nearby. Castiel moved forward, toward the pleading voice. He winced at the sight of his neighbor being torn apart by three of the beasts. He began to back away, but it was too late. They spotted him and he was next on the menu tonight.  
Castiel was pretty sure he had never ran so much in his life. The beasts were fast, but seemed to have trouble getting over fences and through doors. Breathing heavily, Castiel took a moment to look around for some sort of weapon. He continued away from the sounds of chaos, searching for a way to arm himself.  
"Fuckin' zombie assholes!" Someone yelled angrily up ahead. Castiel froze.  
"Yea, come at me bitch! How ya like that?" The man seemed to be fighting these beasts. And he called them zombies. Was that what they were? Castiel had only seen such things on horror movies. He didn't think there was any reality behind them. Castiel edged towards the sound of battle and found that the man was surrounded by zombies. He was fighting them off by himself with some sort of sword. Castiel looked around frantically for some way to help the man.  
"Fuck!" The man groaned. He seemed to be just barely keeping the zombies off of himself.  
"Hey! Over here!" Castiel was surprised to hear himself calling out to the zombies. There were five of them and they all turned their heads to look directly at him. He stupidly held out his hands to show that he was unarmed and therefore an easier meal. The zombies took the bait and began their awkward run towards him. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as Castiel looked past the zombies, to see if the man was okay. The other man's face took him by surprise. He looked completely shocked. It took a moment but he recovered quickly. With the zombies no longer crowding him, the man swung the sword decapitating two zombies in one swing. Castiel turned to possibly run away, only to find the fence he'd previously jumped now had at least six zombies banging against it. On his left was a storage building, on his right another fenced in area. Even if he could make it to the fence in time, the other zombies would follow him and be waiting.  
Castiel was knocked to the ground. Something was on his back, hissing, growling. He struggled to get up, to push it off. After a moment of struggling there was a now familiar sound of a sword cutting flesh, and the body on top of him was suddenly dead weight. The body was removed and he found himself being rolled over onto his back.  
"Do you have a death wish or something, buddy?" The man asked.  
The last thing Castiel remembered was looking up into stunning green eyes and laughing. Then everything went black.  
Someone was trying to shake him awake.  
"Hey, buddy. Come on. Get up. You don't have a scratch on you. You're fine." The voice was oddly familiar. Like the man from his dream. The crazy zombie fighting man. Castiel frowned and opened his eyes. Green eyes met his own. Like the man from the dream.  
"Look man, I'm not going to leave you here after that stunt you pulled. Get up." The man said.  
"Not dreaming?" Castiel groaned. The man laughed humorlessly.  
"Unfortunately this shit is real. Upsidaisy." The man said as he helped Castiel to his feet.  
"What-"  
"Can't talk here. I'll take you back to the others. We'll explain things there." The man said.  
Castiel found himself being led away from town by the strange man. Everything seemed to pass in a sort of blur. He barely remembers how they managed to get to safety but there they were. There were others talking to him, but he couldn't hear them over the sound of blood in his ears and a faint buzzing sound.  
"Poor guy's in shock." A young woman said off to the side.  
"He'll be fine. We all had a similar reaction to this shit." Another man said.  
"Alright, alright, give the kid some space." An older man said. "Dean, we need to talk about why the hell you were out alone in the first place."  
Castiel found himself alone on a couch staring at a boarded up window. The night seemed to come back to him in pieces. He felt numb. Lost.  
"Want a beer?" It was the green-eyed zombie fighter. He held a bottle of beer in front of Castiel's face. It felt like his hand moved in slow motion to grab the bottle.  
"Got anything stronger?" He asked. The other man laughed.  
"Man, I wish."  
"Castiel… That's my name. You keep calling me 'man'." Castiel opened the beer and took a swig.  
"Alright… Castiel. Name's Dean. You probably could've figured that out if you weren't so out of it earlier." Dean joked. He sat on the couch beside Castiel and started drinking his beer.  
"You called them zombies…" Castiel staring down at the beer in his hands.  
"Yep. Frickin' horror movie shit out there." Dean leaned back on the couch, leisurely enjoying his beer.  
"My parents…" Castiel found his mind back in that kitchen. The smells, the sounds. A hand touched his shoulder, jerking him back to reality. He looked over at Dean. Really looking at him for the first time. He didn't seem to be much older, but he was so sure of himself. His green eyes held sympathy and understanding. While Castiel couldn't remember exactly what the man had been wearing earlier, he was sure that he had changed. He now wore a black Henley with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and faded jeans. The guy cleaned up pretty well. Without all the dirty clothes and gore covering his body he looked like some sort of male model. His features were fairly delicate; small nose, pouty lips, defined cheekbones. A slight stubble seemed to trace his jawline and outline those pouty lips. Staring at the other man helped to distract himself from thoughts of his parents' kitchen.  
"So what was up with all the self-sacrificing crap back there?" Dean asked, changing the subject.  
"Instinct? I don't know… I just couldn't watch someone else get killed." Castiel shrugged. He had to blink a few times to pay attention to the other man. It helped if he didn't look directly at him, so he looked down.  
"Well next time you pull some shit like that you better be armed." Dean advised. Castiel found himself staring at the other man again. Dean met his gaze and smiled slightly.  
"Look, get some sleep and we'll talk more tomorrow. A bit of sleep could do ya some good." Dean offered.  
"I don't know if I could sleep." Castiel admitted. Dean couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy.  
"Doesn't hurt to try. Trust me, you're safe here." Dean patted the other man on the shoulder again.  
"You can take the couch for tonight. We'll figure something else out in the morning." Dean added.  
"What about you?" Castiel asked, looking up as the other man stood. Dean smirked.  
"I have first watch. Can't really sleep anyway." He winked at Castiel. He got a small smile from Castiel.  
"I'll get you a blanket. Be right back." Dean said and wandered off. Castiel finished his beer and sat the empty bottle on the coffee table.  
Castiel wasn't sure how anyone was supposed to sleep at a time like this. It would be nice to have a bottle of scotch to cuddle up with. Something strong enough to drown out all the horror. Dean returned with a blanket and crossed his arms over his chest.  
"Get some sleep, now. You hear me? I know it seems like an impossible thing to sleep through, but you'll feel better. Trust me." Dean gave the other man a reassuring smile.  
"I'll try." Castiel agreed and lay back on the couch.  
"I'll be here if you need me." Dean said. His eyes seemed to pierce into Castiel's for a moment. Willing him to understand. It was like he was tucking in a child. Don't be afraid of the monsters, sweetie, I'm here. Castiel smiled to himself at this and closed his eyes.  
Dean watched over the other man for a moment, wishing there was something more he could do. Hell, he couldn't even acknowledge that the poor guy had apparently seen his parents be killed. Because it had to be that. That or they were the killers. Dean shuddered at the thought of someone he loved being turned into one of those monsters. Poor Castiel could save that sob story for one of the others. Someone who could be emotionally there for him. Maybe give him a shoulder to cry on. Dean had never been good at that sort of thing. If Sammy were here he'd be the right man for the job. Dean sighed and moved to stand by the front window. There was a gap in the boards so he could easily peer out into the night. Tomorrow morning, they would be heading out to Bobby's. Away from this godforsaken town and hopefully to a safer location.


	2. The Group

Castiel woke to find himself in the fetal position, curled up on the couch. He began to stretch his legs out and found that there was something at the end of the couch. No, someone. The other man groaned in his sleep and slapped Castiel's shin. He sat up and found that Dean had fallen asleep sitting up at the end of the couch.

"He does that." A voice said. It was the older man from last night.

"Name's Bobby. Dean tells me your name is Castiel?" Bobby asked. Castiel nodded.

"I didn't think it was possible for me to sleep." He said thoughtfully.

"You get used to it. If you're hungry, there's food in the kitchen. You can meet the others in there." Bobby gestured towards the kitchen.

Castiel hadn't even heard the others talking, but of course they were gathered around the small kitchen talking softly. They seemed to be nice people. They were careful not to wake anyone else up as they moved about. Castiel's stomach growled. Breakfast was sounding really good.

"Hey. Castiel, right?" A young blonde asked as he entered the kitchen.

"That's right." He glanced around the room at the others.

"I'm Jo. This here is Ash, Gus, Meg, and Hank." Everyone waved as their name was mentioned. Gus and Hank shared a chubby redneck guy look. They both appeared to be in their thirties.

"Hi." Castiel said awkwardly. Meg grinned.

"He's cute." She whispered to Ash. The blonde rolled his eyes and smiled at Castiel.

"So, Dean was telling us last night about how you saved his life." Ash said.

"Oh, no, quite the opposite." Castiel shook his head.

"Don't be modest. That was pretty brave of you to distract the zombies, especially without a weapon." Jo said.

"It was stupid if you ask me." Bobby piped in from the other room. Castiel scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

"That sounds more accurate." He said as he made his way to the food covered countertop.

"Is Dean still sleeping sitting up?" Hank asked.

"Yep." Jo confirmed.

"I don't know how he does it." Gus shook his head.

"Let me guess. It's because I took his spot." Castiel frowned.

"Oh, don't worry about it. We'll be leaving here soon and our sleeping arrangements will change anyway." Jo smiled.

Everyone went back to eating breakfast and Castiel was glad to be done with introductions. No one asked him about his past or his experience with zombies. He wasn't sure he was willing to bring up his parents anytime soon.

"I smell bacon." Dean groaned as he headed toward the kitchen.

"How much sleep did you end up getting?" Jo asked, concerned.

"Ah, who knows? Enough? I'm starving." Dean filled his plate and made his way to Castiel.

"Hey, Cas. Feeling better?" Dean asked the last part quietly. Castiel nodded.

"I didn't realize I was sleeping in your spot. You should've made me move." Castiel grumbled.

"But you were all curled up and comfy." Dean grinned. "Besides. I had enough room at the end."

"So, what's with the suit? You some kind of young businessman?" Meg asked Castiel.

He had to look down at himself. He couldn't really remember what he was wearing. He took in his appearance and remembered deciding to dress up for 'the talk'.

"Yea, I can't believe you could sleep in all that." Bobby added, entering the kitchen.

"I was spending the weekend with my parents. I thought maybe looking like a well-mannered adult would earn me a little more respect when I told them…." Castiel realized he'd said too much and looked down at his plate.

"Told them what?" Ash asked curiously. Everyone had eyes for Castiel. He couldn't believe he'd overshared. Everyone was quiet for a while. Dean was getting ready to tell everyone to drop it when Meg piped in.

"He's gay." She pouted. When everyone frowned at her she shrugged. "I've been there too, cupcake. I know what it's like. I'm bi, so when I came out to my parents I dressed up and everything too."

"She's right. I couldn't bring myself to tell them and now it doesn't matter anymore. I should've spent more time with them instead of worrying about how they'd react." Castiel's mind was back in that nightmare kitchen.

"Gay, straight, bi, pterodactyl. Doesn't matter none, boy. Your parents would've said the same thing." Bobby sounded sure of himself. Castiel smiled sadly at the older man and nodded.

"Whelp. Anyone else got any announcements?" Dean joked. The others laughed nervously. Castiel almost missed the shared look of disgust between Hank and Gus. He looked away quickly before they could see that he had noticed.

"Hey Cas, are you gonna eat the rest of that bacon?" Dean asked, leaning way too close to Castiel. He held his plate out to Dean so the other man could take the bacon. This made Dean grin. "Oh man, you're the best Cas."

"We should start heading out." Bobby announced. The others got up and spread out to pack their things.

"Anyone gives you trouble, you come to me boy. I'll put 'em in their place." Bobby said once the others were gone.

"Come on, Bobby, if anyone is that dumb I'll take care of 'em myself." Dean smirked. There was something malicious about that smirk. As though he was looking forward to causing someone pain.

"Thank you, but I'm sure I'll be fine." Castiel told the two men. The other two shared a look but nodded to Castiel.

"Hey, tell ya what. Why don't you ride with me, Jo, and Ash?" Dean offered.

Castiel agreed and before long everyone was loading up in the cars. Bobby was driving a van with Meg riding shotgun. Gus and Hank sat in the back. They had joined the group together, so they were rarely apart. Once Dean got to his Impala he declared Castiel would ride shotgun. The other two pretended to be upset but got into the backseat without raising a fuss.

"Once we get to Bobby's we'll find you a couple weapons. Any preferences?" Ash asked. Castiel shook his head.

"I've never really…" He frowned and looked out the window. Ash and Jo shared a look but remained quiet.

"We should train more people to use guns and bows. Preferably bows, since they don't make much noise." Jo said after a while. Dean nodded.

"You're right about that." He said. He glanced over at the newest addition.

"Feel like trying to learn to use a bow?" He asked Castiel.

"Sure." Castiel seemed lost in his thoughts.

The rest of the drive was in silence. When they arrived at Bobby's house Castiel was amazed to see that it looked like a fortress. The whole yard was fenced in and sharp pikes jutted outward. Some zombies had managed to get stuck on the pikes and were struggling to free themselves.

"The best part about Bobby is that he was always one of those crazy post-apocalypse believers. His house was pretty much set up for this shit before it even began." Dean told Castiel as they got out of the Impala.

"Not so crazy now, am I?" Bobby asked, joining them.

"Oh you're still crazy." Dean managed to look completely serious. Bobby laughed and welcomed everyone inside.

Again everyone parted ways as though they were used to this sort of thing. Dean led Castiel to the weapons room and suggested he try a few things out. By the time they were done Castiel was equipped with a gun-for emergencies only-, a short bladed sword, a dagger, and a bow. It took Dean a moment to find holsters for everything and together he and Castiel decided where everything would be kept. The gun went on his right hip, the sword on the left, the bow on his back and the dagger on his ankle. Dean explained his reasoning to Castiel, the different situations for each weapon. Castiel was impressed. Dean was a professional zombie fighter in Castiel's eyes.

He found that Dean was a natural leader, a master in weapons and an all-around good guy. He seemed to get along well with everyone and they respected him. It didn't take long for Castiel to warm up to this group of zombie fighters. Survivors. He borrowed some clothes from Dean at the other man's insistence. Instead of the suit he now wore a grey t-shirt that had lettering so faded that Dean wasn't even sure what it said anymore, a black button up woven shirt and faded jeans.

"That's better." Dean nodded in approval

"Thanks." Castiel said as he finished rolling the sleeves up to his elbows.

"We're about the same size. If you don't mind, I have quite a few things you can have." Dean smiled.

Dean had set up a sort of training room in Bobby's basement. There were typical exercise materials such as weights and a punching bag, but there were also targets to practice using the bow or throwing knives. He had an area set up in the back yard too, but it wasn't always a good idea to train outside. Meg trained with Jo and Castiel trained with Dean. Some of the others were offered assistance as well but they felt as though they didn't need help. Before they could get too far into training Ash interrupted them.

"Hey guys. We need a supply run. Who all is game?" Ash asked.

Dean, Jo, and Castiel raised their hands. Meg sighed and raised her hand as well.

"No better training than the actual thing, right?" She winked at Castiel.

The others agreed so they took Ash's list of supplies and loaded up in the Impala. Dean went over the rules of sticking together and playing it safe. Their first stop was for medical supplies. Everyone pulled out a sword of some kind and headed inside the pharmacy. Three zombies were just inside the store and ran at them. Dean managed to take out two, Jo got the last one. The others stood watch while Meg loaded up a bag with the necessary supplies. Next was ammo. Dean knew exactly where to go for all their needs. They had to fight off five zombies this time. Meg had to pull one off of Jo so Dean could chop its head off. By the time they got to the ammo, there was blood splattered on each of them. Castiel was amused at the fact that he felt bad for dirtying up clothes that he was borrowing. As though there was any way to avoid getting dirt and blood everywhere.

Zombies started coming out from the aisles. Dean cursed and tried to stick close to the others but they got separated during their fight. Everyone was struggling to overpower the zombies. When Dean realized how far away he had gotten from the others he tried to make his way back, but didn't see the zombie charging at him from the side. It slammed into him, knocking his sword out of his hand. He fumbled for his dagger, holding the zombie's head away with one hand around its neck. Another zombie was approaching him quickly, growling and gasping. Jo was fighting for her life, dragging her sword out of a zombie's chest so she could try to get a good shot at its head. Meg had managed to get stuck beneath a particularly large zombie and was shoving the blade through its skull.

Castiel was stepping over a couple bodies and for a moment his eyes met Dean's. He was too far away to be able to get to him in time and more zombies were approaching the others. Dean turned his attention back to the zombie on top of him, managing to get the dagger and stabbing it through the zombie's eye. Before he could push the limp body off of his there were two more zombies crowding him. An arrow zipped through the air and pierced one of the zombies right between the eyes. Then the other received an arrow in the same location. Dean groaned in relief and struggled to his feet. When he turned to see who had used the bow he was shocked to see Castiel holding the crossbow out one-handed. He took out the zombies surrounding the girls as well and turned around to shove his sword into the zombie behind him. His face was expressionless. And he moved effortlessly. Castiel blinked and looked around at the others. Everyone was staring at him with their mouths slightly ajar.

"We uh should probably wrap this up." Dean managed to find his voice as he picked up his sword.

"I thought you didn't know how to use that thing?" Jo asked Castiel, her face still full of shock.

"I uh. Don't." Castiel frowned, his eyes lowered to the floor thoughtfully. He wasn't sure how he had managed to do any of that. It was like everything suddenly came to him, his body acting on its own. Everyone collected their things and followed Dean. They moved quickly, loading up as much ammo as they could carry and made their way back out to the Impala. Dean looked over at Castiel as he turned the key in the ignition. The other man was biting his bottom lip and looked like he was trying to remember something.

"Cas? You okay, man?" Dean asked. Castiel startled slightly and tried to give a reassuring smile but no one was fooled. "Good call on not using the gun, could've brought more out. Though you loaded the crossbow pretty quick."

"You must be some sort of natural." Meg offered from the backseat.

"Yea, that was… awesome. And hey, you saved Dean's life again." Jo grinned.

"Yea, yea, Cas is basically my guardian angel." Dean said with a crooked smile.

The rest of the trip was spent gathering food. They had to fight off a few zombies, but it was nothing like the ammo shop. As they were piling everything into the trunk, Jo went over the supply list and grinned.

"Alright! That should do it for a while." She told the others.

"Great, now let's get the hell out of here." Dean said.

They listened to a rock and roll tape in Dean's car on the way back to Bobby's. Everyone seemed content just listening to music. No point in talking. Once they were home, Bobby and Ash came out to help unload the supplies. Again, everyone did their part as though they were used to it. Castiel helped Jo take a couple bags of ammo down to the basement while Dean reported to Bobby. Jo separated all the different types of ammo and handed Castiel a package of arrows.

"I don't know how you managed to reload your arrows so quickly… or draw your sword with your left hand… but it was pretty cool." Jo smiled.

"I don't know what happened. It's like my body took over… Anything like that ever happen to you?" Castiel asked.

"If only." Jo shook her head. She smiled reassuringly at Castiel. "Come on, let's go see if the others need help with anything."

Jo went to the kitchen to help put away all the food supplies. Ash was walking by as they were headed to the kitchen.

"Hey, Castiel, you wanna go with me to help Hank and Gus? They're outside." Ash smiled at him.

"Ah, sure." Castiel agreed.

The other two men were working on repairs around the yard, pulling zombies off pikes. Ash announced their arrival and asked what they could do to help. Gus suggested they start burning the bodies without looking up from the fence he was working on. Hank frowned at Castiel.

"Alright man. We're going to drag all the zombie bodies into a couple piles and burn the suckers." Ash grinned at Castiel.

Some of the zombies were pretty heavy. There was no easy way to drag them into piles but after a while they managed to get all the zombies piled up. Castiel and Ash each took gasoline to the piles and tossed a couple matches on. By the time they were done it was already pretty late in the day.

"These should be pretty burnt before dark. It's best if we don't have the fires going at night. Attracts too much attention." Ash said, gesturing towards the burning zombies.

Jo came outside to call everyone in for dinner. She and Ash went together, talking about things Castiel didn't understand. As they ate, Bobby discussed sleeping arrangements. There were only three bedrooms and two had been set up with twin beds. He suggested everyone stay close together, reminding everyone that he had extra cots that could be put in the bedrooms.

"Let me guess. You get to keep the big comfy bed to yourself?" Jo asked.

"It's my house." Bobby shrugged.

"Jo and I used to share a room with the two twin beds, if you don't mind I can add a cot to that room and you can have the bed." Ash told Meg. She nodded.

"Sounds good." She agreed.

"Hank and I will take the other room then." Gus announced.

"I'm fine on the couch." Dean and Castiel said in unison. They both looked at each other in surprise.

"Well you're in luck. Plenty of couches for the both of you." Bobby laughed.

Everyone went back to finishing dinner. Gus and Hank got up first to finish up outside before it got dark. The others were telling a story about something from their past. Meg was listening to them, willing to get to know them. Castiel glanced at Dean. He appeared to be only half listening to the others.

"Is it okay?" Castiel asked. Dean turned to face him.

"Is what?" He seemed confused.

"You kind of seemed like you wanted to be alone. Sleeping on the couch I mean." Castiel said.

"Oh. No, no. Plenty of space in the living room. Actually, I kind of expected you to join me. Though I was thinking I'd have to suggest it." Dean laughed.

"Everyone ends up partnering up. More so now with the zombie apocalypse." Ash pointed out.

"I thought Dean was going to be adamant about staying on his own." Jo spoke up.

"What can I say? My usual partner got whisked away." Dean frowned.

"I'm sure Sam is just fine." Bobby reassured him.

"Yea, he's with my mom." Jo smiled.

"You guys get separated or something?" Meg asked. The others nodded.

"Just before things started getting really bad, Sam and Ellen went to go help a couple of friends…" Ash started out.

"They wanted to go round up their family, but wanted help against the zombies." Bobby pointed out.

"Of course, Sammy and Ellen were the first to volunteer." Dean shook his head.

"Well, anyway. They weren't supposed to be gone that long but a couple days went by and suddenly the outbreak was much worse. Last we heard from them they were in Nebraska." Jo said incredulously.

"Their cell was barely working enough to talk to us. So we still don't know how they ended up in Nebraska, but I'm sure they're okay." Ash chimed in.

"Sammy's my brother." Dean pointed out to Castiel.

"And like a son to me." Bobby added. He and Dean shared a look for a moment.

"Do you think they're trying to make their way back to you guys?" Meg asked.

"It's been weeks…." Ash looked around at the others and then down at his plate.

"They're fine. Probably found a better set-up there somewhere." Dean assured them.

Everyone finished up their dinner and headed outside to see if there was anything they could do to help before sundown. After the fires were put out, the fences reinforced, the gates locked, and all the entrances into the house were checked everyone headed back inside. There was an upper deck on the second floor where they had set up an area to keep watch. There was a cooler filled with various drinks, a cardboard box filled with snack foods and a couple chairs that stood high enough to see over the railing. Dean took Castiel out to the deck to show him around.

"This is where I'll be for the first half of the night." Dean patted the chair closest to the railing.

Castiel was leaning against the railing looking out over the front yard.

"There's a similar post set up around back. Out here we're away from town but now you never know which direction they could come in from." Dean was telling him. "Gus is on watch in the back. With how well this place is set up we probably don't need to be on guard so much but I don't think any of us would sleep well without knowing someone was on watch."

Castiel watched as a zombie ambled out from the trees and slowly approached the fenced in area. He was slowly impaled and didn't seem to notice until it was too late. It kept trying to move forward.

"Do they know we're here?" Castiel wondered.

"Hard to say. For the most part it seems like they just happen upon us." Dean stood beside Castiel to look out at the zombie in question. "You should go try to get some sleep."

"I'll see what I can do." Castiel said as he headed back inside. Dean smiled and turned back to watch over the yard.

Once back inside Castiel headed down to the basement. He didn't feel like sleeping, not when there was a nice training room he could be working in. He walked around the basement, inspecting everything on his own, making plans as he went. He needed to be strong for this group. Castiel had gone to the gym since high school but he was a little rusty. He wasn't sure how much time he spent in the basement, but by the time he was done he felt as though he might actually be able to go to sleep. He headed to the downstairs bathroom to freshen up a bit before heading to the living room and found Dean sitting on one of the couches. Their eyes met and Castiel wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to admit that he'd been working out to the point of near exhaustion. Dean yawned and lay back on the couch.

"Thought you had run away, Cas." Dean joked. Castiel swallowed, trying to calm his heartbeat.

"I probably wouldn't be able to get out of the gate." He said as he plopped down on the other couch. He took the button-up off and lay it on the coffee table. He considered taking the other shirt off as well and reminded himself to change into something more practical next time.


	3. More Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains rude homophobes and slurs.

A week went by quickly, Castiel was getting used to this new life. He got along with everyone except Hank and Gus. For the most part he was able to avoid the two men. Every now and then he would overhear them talking to each other quietly. He heard them say things like "here comes the fag". None of this really bothered Castiel. He knew this sort of thing was bound to happen once he finally came out. The ones who accepted him for who he was made it worth the negative ones. The words weren't the problem. Every now and then the two men would pull some sort of prank on him. It wouldn't have been a big deal if the men meant no actual harm but one day while piling up the zombies Hank had pulled a zombie off a pike without killing it first and shoved it toward Castiel. His sword had been sheathed because he needed both hands to drag the zombies around. He had been a bit startled but managed to hold the zombie off while he unsheathed his weapon and ended its life for good. The two men had laughed at him, had seemed a bit disappointed with the results.

Ash had tried to come to his aide but now stood frowning at the other men. He couldn't believe someone would be so hateful. When he told Bobby and Dean what had happened the two were outraged. They discussed kicking the men out of the group but Castiel overheard them talking and interrupted. He didn't want to be the reason the two men were kicked out to fend for themselves.

"I can take it. As long as their actions don't get anyone else hurt, I'm fine." He insisted.

"Cas, they could've killed you! Hell, from what Ash said they wanted to." Dean exclaimed.

"Dean… I'm fine." Castiel held out his arms to show there were no injuries.

"They underestimate you, man." Ash pointed out.

"Well maybe they'll tire of this soon." Castiel offered a crooked smile. He looked tired.

"I have to tell you, I never would have imagined something like this would happen." Bobby sighed.

"Maybe we can just beat some sense into them." Dean offered.

"I don't think that would help. There's no changing their minds. I didn't know they were so… hateful." Ash looked upset.

"Apparently I'm the one thing they hate more than zombies." Castiel tried to make a joke of it.

"And how ridiculous is that?" Bobby shook his head.

"Just ignore it… I will be fine and they'll get over it eventually. No need to ruin the group dynamic because of me. If it comes down to it, perhaps I should be the one to-" Castiel was interrupted.

"You aren't going anywhere." Dean frowned at him.

"He's right. So what if you're gay. They need to get over themselves. What's the worst that could happen? Hell, they aren't exactly choice meat around here." Bobby pointed out. The others laughed. Castiel felt a little awkward talking about this. He looked around at his new friends and smiled. He knew how lucky he was to have found this group.

"What the hell, Bobby? Who says that?" Dean laughed. Bobby shrugged but smiled at Castiel.

"Sexual orientation has nothing to do with the zombie apocalypse anyway. Who has time for romance these days?" Ash asked. Everyone agreed.

"Speaking of which, did Jo finally give up?" Bobby asked Dean.

"That's old news Bobby." Dean rolled his eyes.

"Maybe for you." Ash tried to hold back a grin.

"Great." Dean sighed.

"I tried to tell her you were a filthy pig that was only interested in one night stands with slutty chicks, but it didn't help. Doesn't help that you're the last attractive man around," Ash looked over to Castiel and winked. "Well, the last straight one anyway."

"Eh, she'll get over it." Dean shrugged.

Ash was on first watch tonight so he dismissed himself and headed up to take his post. Bobby bid the others good night and headed upstairs. Dean turned to Castiel.

"So, wanna have a few drinks?" He grinned. Castiel smiled.

"I could use a drink." He nodded.

They headed back to the living room with a couple beers. The two men had gotten in a habit of sticking close to one another. They weren't very talkative but they managed to find something to talk about to make time go by. It didn't matter what they discussed and when Castiel thought back to a few of their conversations he couldn't help but laugh at how stupid and pointless they were. But it didn't matter. He had fun hanging out with Dean and that was all that mattered.

Castiel found himself trying to imagine Dean and Jo together. They were both attractive, smart, and skilled fighters. Something about Dean being in a relationship made Castiel feel uneasy. He should be happy for his friend to find someone but instead he felt a little sick at the thought. Castiel finished off his beer and stared down at the empty bottle. The last thing he needed was to feel jealousy over someone that wasn't even an option. Dean said something and Castiel looked up, wondering if the other man had been talking for a while. Had he not been listening?

"Are you okay?" Dean repeated the question. His eyes held concern. Castiel tried to smile reassuringly but found it a bit hard.

"I'm fine." He assured Dean.

Castiel found himself staring at the other man for a moment. He wondered what it would be like if such a good guy was unattractive. Dean had too many things going for him. It was impossible not to be attracted to such a perfect guy. He had a feeling that even if Dean wasn't the attractive man that he is, there would be no helping the swoon factor. No one had ever given him so much of their trust and attention. He was a good friend. Even if Dean wasn't straight, Castiel was sure that there would be nothing else between the two of them. They were both too detached from any sort of romantic inclinations. As though he would really say no. It was easy to imagine himself being distant and not wanting to be in a relationship with anyone, but if there was even a snowball's chance in hell… Castiel blinked a few times and realized Dean was staring at him thoughtfully. He cleared his throat and looked down at the coffee table.

"I think I'm going to sleep." Castiel decided. Dean yawned and nodded.

"Yea, I was just thinking the same." He smiled.

Dean lay back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He was worried about his friend. Castiel could handle himself, that was obvious, but he shouldn't have to deal with this crap. Dean had only met a couple gay guys before but they were nothing like Castiel. He would understand the other men feeling awkward around the pushy feminine homosexuals, but that wasn't who Castiel was. He was just a normal guy, who happened to be interested in men. So what? It was easy to forget that he was gay with everything else going on. It was as Ash had said, sexual orientation just didn't matter anymore. No one was looking for romance at a time like this. Jo came to mind for a moment. He thought of her as a little sister, but she still had some sort of crush on him. He wished she would just move on.

Meg continued to flirt with Castiel despite the fact that he wasn't at all interested. Dean laughed quietly at the memory of this and glanced over at Castiel. The other man had managed to fall asleep. He had a feeling the other man would turn down anyone at this point. They had that in common. Dean couldn't imagine the type of man Castiel would go for, but he already knew some poor bastard in the future was gonna get his heart broken. Dean found himself wondering if there would ever be an end to this zombie shit. There were people that insisted the army would take care of things, but he didn't really believe that. This had spread so quickly, there was no way it would be taken care of easily. Maybe they would spend the rest of their lives fighting zombies. His last thoughts before he drifted off to sleep were of Sammy. Out there fighting for his life.

Wherever the fuck he was.


	4. Somethin' bout Cas...

Castiel smiled uneasily at the two men blocking his path. He was hoping he wouldn't have to deal with their homophobia already but it looked like he was about to get into a confrontation. It had been a week since the incident with the zombie. The two men had seemed to back off a bit, going back to talking about him behind his back so he had thought things were getting better.  
"It's bad enough we got two chicks to look after, but now they've added a fag to the mix." Hank grumbled.  
"Betcha weren't even gonna say nothing. Did you see his face when that Meg chick outed him?" Gus laughed. How were they still thinking about that? It had been over two weeks since he'd joined he group.  
"I assure you, you have nothing to worry about." Castiel tried to keep a friendly mask on and walk past them. Hank stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.  
"What the hell does that mean?" Hank growled.  
"You're not exactly my type..." Castiel shrugged.  
"Probably got his eyes set on Dean." Gus laughed.  
"Ha. He tries to play the good guy, but if some fag came onto him he'd probably punch him in the face." Hank laughed. Castiel could see that. Dean was clearly into women and didn't take shit from anyone.  
"Good thing I'm not into straight men, then." Castiel smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "If you'll excuse me."  
He managed to break free and made his way down the hall. He was spending his spare time working out in the basement secretly these days and he was gonna punch the shit out of the punching bag tonight. He changed into his gray joggers and started the physical abuse.  
~*~  
"He at it again?" Bobby asked.  
"Every night. He's one impressive son of a bitch Bobby. He works harder than any of us and these assholes wanna give him shit for being gay?" Dean shook his head.  
"He doesn't want anyone to know how hard he works. He's content letting them think whatever they want." Bobby shrugged.  
"He's a better man than me. I'd beat the shit outta those guys." Dean laughed.  
"Let's get outta here and let him be." Bobby sighed.  
~*~  
Castiel made his way to the downstairs bathroom to take a quick shower before heading to the living room. He dressed in a comfy pair of faded jeans, a black tee and a deep blue flannel button-up. When he got to the living room Dean was lounging on the recliner with a dark bottle. He grinned when Castiel walked in.  
"Hey Cas, I found some scotch." Dean held up the bottle happily.  
"How much have you had?" Castiel's mood lightened.  
"Not much. I'm waiting on you." Dean gestured to the coffee table where a couple glasses were waiting.  
"I'm guessing you aren't on watch tonight?" Castiel asked.  
"Ash got it covered." Dean poured each of them a glass of the dark liquor and held one out to his friend.  
Castiel sat across from Dean and accepted the glass.  
"To surviving zombie hell." Dean grinned. Castiel laughed briefly and clinked his glass against Dean's. They had gotten in the habit of having a drink together every couple nights. Usually just beer, but every now and then Dean managed to get a night off. He always found the good stuff then. Castiel surprised Dean by downing the whole glass in one shot. When their eyes met Castiel couldn't help but laugh at the look of surprise on Dean's face. He always looked down when he laughed and Dean found it endearing as hell. His eyes still held laughter when he looked up.  
How anyone could hate this guy, Dean would never know. Most of the time Dean thought of him as a big puppy. From the honest open eyes to the head tilt he did when he didn't understand something. He was often too serious but if you could make him smile it was totally worth it. The group - minus the two jerks- all felt protective of Castiel. Though he didn't really need their help anymore. Dean thought back to the time Castiel had shot a zombie from across the store with minimal effort. Not many people were good with a crossbow and Castiel had been so quick with it. On his first attempt at using one.  
"You're staring at me." Castiel frowned.  
"Sorry Cas. I just got reminded of something." Dean shook his head to try to focus on the present. Castiel's eyes were narrowed at him suspiciously. Dean laughed and finished his scotch.  
"Damn man." He coughed a little. "How'd you throw that back so easily?"  
Castiel's expression softened. Dean had that effect on him. He could never stay in a bad mood around his newfound friend. Dean refilled their glasses.  
"Is Bobby going to be okay with us drinking so much of his scotch?" Castiel asked. Dean was taken by surprise yet again.  
"How do you know I didn't go out and get this myself?" He asked. A half smile from Castiel.  
"Please. This bottle has Bobby all over it." Castiel gestured towards the bottle. Dean laughed.  
"Alright, I'll tell him you had a rough time and drank all this by yourself. I tried to talk you out of it, I really did." Dean shook his head and sighed.  
"You're too good at lying." Castiel said with narrowed eyes. Dean winked.  
"And you suck at it." Dean laughed. Castiel pouted. Another thing Dean was sure the guy didn't realize he did. They had become best friends pretty much overnight. Dean enjoyed all the little quirks, the rare laughs. He valued them all the more because he knew he was the only one who saw this man with his guard down.  
Castiel only downed half the glass this time and stared down at the dark elixir.  
"You're a good guy, Cas." Dean said suddenly. Castiel looked up with amusement in his too blue eyes.  
"Thank you? What...ah...brought that on?" Castiel asked. Dean cleared his throat awkwardly.  
"Well you know, it's rare...is all I'm saying. I'm not really good at making friends..." Dean ran his hand through his hair.  
"Yea...same here. . You're a good guy too Dean." Castiel smiled at his friend. Dean grinned and downed the rest of his drink.  
They stayed up a while longer, drinking and talking about pointless things. Dean was amused by a somewhat inebriated Cas who seemed more likely to laugh. Dean found that he didn't want to go to sleep. He could stay up all night talking to Cas, but going to sleep meant waking up to deal with zombies again. Castiel lay stretched out on the couch staring up at the ceiling.  
"Got the spins?" Dean asked.  
"No...Just thinking. At times like this it doesn't feel like the zombie stuff is real." Castiel smiled. Dean stared at the other man for a moment.  
"Yea." He agreed simply.  
The living room was suddenly too quiet. Dean realized he wanted to talk more but when he looked over at his friend he found his eyes closed.  
"Cas? You up?" He asked. He got no response. Dean walked over to the other couch and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch to cover Cas up. Castiel frowned in his sleep and grabbed Dean's sleeve.  
"Don't want to." Castiel grumbled sleepily. It took Dean more effort than he'd like to admit to keep from laughing. This guy was too much. He carefully extracted his sleeve from Castiel's grasp and found himself staring down at the sleeping man.  
"The hell am I doing?" Dean asked himself quietly. He shook his head and decided he should really get to sleep as well.  
~*~  
Castiel woke with a start. He felt as though he'd been running all night in his dreams. They had certainly been weird lately, and not just the horrible zombie dreams. Lately, someone was calling out to him but he was trapped in some sort of dark cage and couldn't find a way out. That, or he would be running away from the voice. He looked around the living room to find it empty. Dean was never around when he woke up. It was sort of a relief to find that he had a moment alone. He slumped over on the couch for a moment trying to remember last night's dream. Tonight the voice was telling him to kill himself so he could come home. What kind of sense did that make? Was it because his parents were dead? He shook his head and got up to see what everyone else was up to.

There was a commotion going on outside. Castiel grabbed his things as quickly as he could and ran out the front door. Dean was yelling at Hank in the front yard. Gus was on the ground at their feet looking pretty rough. Bobby was pacing back and forth, glancing at the wounded man occasionally. Ash was off to the side talking to Jo, possibly explaining the situation to her. Castiel looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. Gus appeared to be covered in blood. He was holding a hand over his forearm and wincing. Castiel walked towards the group.

"I'm sick of living by the stupid rules. What kind of life is this?" Hank was saying.

"Your friend is going to die." Dean pointed down at Gus. "Hell, he's dying right now."

"So you two thought you'd just go off on your own because you don't like rules?" Bobby asked. He had stopped pacing.

"There's more of them out there than usual. We couldn't have known." Hank argued.

"Gus was bitten, Hank. He's already feverish and you brought him back here." Dean was furious.

"What was I supposed to do? Leave him out there?" Hank looked down at his friend.

"What's going on?" Meg asked, walking up behind Castiel. He looked back at her and shook his head sadly.

"You know what you have to do." Bobby said softly. Hank frowned at him and shook his head.

"I'm fine. I haven't turned yet. It usually happens faster than this." Gus piped in.

"There's no surviving this, Gus. You get bit, you die. The end." Dean ran his hand through his hair and looked around, not wanting to look at these two men anymore. His eyes landed on Castiel. The blue eyed man was looking down at Gus sadly. There was a lot of pity in those blue eyes. Suddenly those eyes met his own. Something about seeing Castiel made Dean feel slightly better. Maybe it was because they were friends, but none of the others had that effect on him. Castiel broke eye contact first, to look at Hank.

"Maybe we quarantine him or something…" Hank was saying.

"Hank…" Dean tired of having this argument.

"I understand not wanting to kill your friend, but do you really want to turn into one of those things Gus?" Bobby asked.

"If I'm going out, I'm going out fighting." Gus coughed up blood. Ash pulled Jo back slightly.

"If you turn I will chop your frickin' head off. You know that right?" Dean frowned down at the injured man.

"If he turns I'll take care of him…. I'll do it." Hank looked down at his friend.

"Um, you guys…" Jo was looking out past the fence. There were about ten zombies ambling toward the fence, a few more coming through the trees. Everyone stared out at the approaching zombies.

"And you brought friends." Ash attempted to joke.

"We'll be fine, right?" Meg asked.

"As long as there aren't more coming. If enough of them pile up…" Bobby looked worried.

"Perhaps we should take a number of them out before they get close to the fence." Castiel said thoughtfully. He looked around and headed towards Bobby's van. The others watched as he climbed on top of the vehicle and began to load his crossbow.

"Cas, is right." Dean nodded to himself and headed over to join his friend. By the time Dean reached the top of the van Castiel had managed to down five zombies. "I'd really like to know how you do that."

The two of them worked together to take out a majority of the zombies. Castiel ran out of arrows first and stood watching the remaining zombies approach. A strange sound made him look to the others. Without thinking Castiel reached out to Dean, his hand landing on the other man's bicep. Dean looked quickly from Castiel to the group. Gus hand already grabbed Hank's leg and was going in for a bite when Dean shot an arrow through his skull.

"Gus!" Hank cried. He looked from his friend to the two men on the van. His eyes were full of hatred and accusation. "I told you I'd take care of him."

"Oh, yea you were doing a good job out of that. You were almost breakfast." Bobby frowned at Hank.

"He turned, Hank. What were we supposed to do?" Jo asked. He shook his head, looking down at his friend.

"He was my best friend." He sank to his knees beside Gus and the others looked at each other nervously.

"Let's give him a moment to say his goodbyes." Bobby told the others. They walked away as quietly as they could. Dean turned to Castiel and motioned for them to head inside as well.

"Do you think we got enough of them?" Castiel asked. Dean nodded.

"We took out most of them. Up to the pikes now. Let's get inside. I'm starving." Dean said.

Once they were in the house Dean stopped Castiel, grabbing him by the elbow. Castiel looked down at the other man's hand on his arm, then up to Dean questioningly.

"How…ah… you knew as soon as he turned…" Dean wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to ask. He wasn't even sure why he felt that he had to ask it.

"I heard the gasping noise they make…" Castiel tilted his head at Dean. Why was the other man suspicious of him?

"I'm sorry… I just want to understand… but you heard something that no one else heard. You saw the others. No one had a clue until it was too late." Dean licked his lips nervously.

"Dean… I don't know what to tell you…" Castiel searched his friend's eyes for a sign of what the other man was feeling. Why was he looking at him like he was some sort of freak? Dean's expression softened suddenly. The hurt look in Castiel's eyes was too much. He was just as confused as Dean was. Just like that Dean felt like an ass for even hassling his friend about it.

"Look, Cas. I'm really sorry. I just… you're always surprising me with these quick reflexes and shit. Whenever I think I've accepted that you're somehow a natural at this you do something else…" Dean couldn't seem to say the right thing to make that look in Castiel's eyes go away. Castiel turned his head away, looking towards the kitchen.

"It's fine Dean. You don't have to apologize to me." Castiel tried to move away but Dean didn't want to let go of his arm.

"Wait… Cas. There's something else I wanted to talk to you about." Dean said. Castiel glanced back at his friend's face. "If… If something like that happens to me. I want you to…"

"Dean…" Castiel frowned at his friend.

"It's bound to happen eventually. Just promise me… promise you won't let me turn into one of those monsters." Dean leaned forward a bit, eyes locked on his friend's. Castiel had to close his eyes for a moment. The hopelessness in those green eyes actually hurt to look at.

"You won't have to worry about it. I'm always with you and I have quick reflexes… and shit." Castiel told the other man. He opened his eyes at the end and smiled weakly at his friend. Dean choked out a small laugh.

"I guess you're right… but I'm serious, Cas." Dean waited until his friend nodded then he let him go.

The two men headed to the kitchen where the others had already begun eating breakfast. It was a tense atmosphere, no one seemed to want to talk about what had happened. Breakfast was a quiet one today.

Hank spent the next few days drinking excessively and taking his anger out on anyone who got in his way. He seemed more detached from the rest of the group than he had before. He blamed Dean and Castiel for his friend's death, despite the fact that the zombie bite had beaten Dean to that. Castiel was blamed for being with Dean when it happened. Little did Hank know, it was because of Castiel that Dean even knew to shoot Gus. It was Dean who insisted they keep that between the two of them. The others just assumed Dean had been keeping an eye on Gus. Everyone tried to give the grieving man plenty of space. After about a week Hank calmed down enough to go from snapping at others to being the one that distanced himself.

Castiel was leaning back against the couch debating going to sleep early when Jo and Meg entered the living room with a bottle of rum. Meg grinned at Castiel and held out a couple glasses.

"Care for a drink?" Meg asked.

"Have you been working out?" Jo asked, eyeing Castiel. He was wearing gray joggers and a black tee. He looked like he'd been working out for hours.

"Ah… Yea. Just got done, actually. Haven't cleaned up yet." Castiel set the offered glasses on the coffee table and moved over to make room on the couch.

"Don't worry about it. It's sexy." Meg winked at him. Jo laughed and sat beside Castiel.

"Where's Dean?" Jo asked. They had brought four glasses. Meg began filling each glass with rum.

"He had first watch, should be heading down any minute." Castiel picked up his glass with the ladies and they all clinked them together.

"To friends." Jo said simply. They all smiled and threw back their glasses.

"Ah, what the hell. Drinking without me?" Dean's voice came from behind them. He came around the couch to sit in the recliner. Meg filled their glasses once more, filling one for Dean this time.

"Pretty good timing." She told him.

"Bottoms up." He didn't wait for the others before taking the full shot. "So. What are you ladies doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep." Jo drank her shot of rum.

"And you?" Dean looked to Castiel. He was already helping himself to a third refill.

"Couldn't sleep?" Castiel looked over at his friend.

"Mhm. You already have that partially drunk look going on." Dean noticed. The two girls looked at Castiel. He didn't look that different to them.

"I haven't had that much." Castiel argued. Dean filled his glass and took another shot.

"You didn't eat that much either." He pointed out. Castiel thought about it and realized his friend was right.

"So, before we came downstairs Jo and I were talking about our happiest memories." Meg changed the subject.

"Oh really?" Dean asked, feigning interest.

"Yea, mine is of being a little girl going to the amusement park with my mom and Meg's is about sex." Jo rolled her eyes at the other woman. Meg shrugged.

"Your idea of happiness isn't the same as mine." Meg laughed.

"So, what about you guys?" Jo asked. Both men sat for a moment, going through flashbacks but most of what came to mind wasn't happy.

"I don't know. I don't have some happy girly memory I guess." Dean teased. Castiel laughed.

"I agree with Dean. I think it's a girl thing." He said. Dean nodded at him.

"What? Nothing comes to mind? Nothing?" Jo asked. Both men shrugged.

"What about your first kiss? First romp? Winning some sort of award?" Meg offered.

"Eh, never really won any awards. As for the other stuff, I guess every teenager gets excited about that stuff but it just doesn't really stand out for me." Dean shrugged again.

"You're no fun. What about you, Castiel?" Jo asked. The others looked at him and he gave one of those half smiles while looking into his empty glass.

"Winning awards isn't nearly as fun as you make it sound." He pointed out. "However, I guess you could say meeting you guys was a pretty happy moment. It's… freeing to know that you all accept me for who I am."

"Hey, that's right. You came out to us. So no one knew before us?" Jo asked. Castiel shook his head.

"So there wasn't a guy?" Meg asked. Castiel frowned at her and tilted his head to the side. "Oh, you know. You haven't… been involved…?"

Jo and Dean choked on their drink simultaneously. Castiel shook his head.

"My parents were very religious. I found it hard to accept myself for a long time, let alone tell anyone." He told them.

"Such a waste. Are you one hundred percent gay? You sure?" Meg teased. Castiel laughed and looked down at the coffee table. He was hoping this wasn't making Dean uncomfortable. It was one thing to know someone was gay, but to talk about it this much was different.

"Leave the poor guy alone." Dean spoke up.

"Ah, come on. It's practically the end of the world as we know it." Meg pouted. She and Dean had a staring contest for a moment. Meg wanted to tease Castiel more, maybe tease Dean a bit too but Dean didn't seem to find her teasing amusing. Jo looked from Meg to Dean and wondered what was going on between them. They looked as though they were both ready to fight each other. She knew how Meg could be when she got fired up, this could get much worse.

"I think I'm ready to go to sleep now." Jo yawned.

"I guess you're right. Don't wanna stay up all night." Meg agreed.

Everyone said their good nights and the ladies went back upstairs. Dean looked over at Castiel. He was actually pretty worried about him but didn't know whether or not he should say anything. The guy had barely ate anything all day, worked out for at least four hours and had about five shots.

"Are you feeling okay, Cas?" He finally asked.

"I might be drunk." Castiel laughed to himself and looked up at Dean.

"Want me to get you some water or something?" Dean asked. Castiel looked up into his friend's concerned face.

"I'm fine. When did you stand up?" Castiel frowned for a moment. Dean laughed.

"Alright. You should get some sleep. I'll grab you some pain pills and water for when you wake up." Dean offered.

"You're a nice person." Castiel said, laying on the couch. Dean laughed again.

"You should really take better care of yourself." Dean pulled the blanket off the back of Castiel's couch and covered his friend with it.

"That's what you're here for, right?" Castiel joked. Dean looked down at his friend seriously for a moment.

"Sure, Cas. But there's only so much I can do." Dean said. He stared down at the other man, trying to decide if he should go back to his couch.

"Dean…Do you think I'm a freak?" Castiel asked.

"No. What? No. Of course not. Why do you say that?" Dean asked. He sat on the coffee table to be closer to his friend instead of hovering over him.

"You look at me like I'm one of the monsters." Castiel stared up at the ceiling for a moment before looking over at Dean. The other man was closer than he expected.

"I'm sorry, Cas. I really am…It just takes me by surprise…" Dean looked away for a moment, trying to think of something better to say.

"I'm glad I met you." Castiel smiled and closed his eyes.

"Same here, buddy." Dean smiled and stood up.

Dean was attempting to sleep when he heard Castiel mumble something in his sleep. He tried to listen in case Castiel said something else but there was only silence. Castiel had complained about having bad dreams. They seemed to really bother him. He had said that nightmares about zombies were one thing, but this was oddly disturbing. He hadn't wanted to go into too much detail. Dean found himself wishing he could comfort the other man, but what the hell could he do? The last thing Dean thought about before falling asleep was how Castiel could go this long without even being kissed. He couldn't help but wonder if there had been other men interested. There had to be, right? Cas was a fairly attractive guy. Had Cas turned them down because he wanted to come out to his parents first? Maybe there was even a specific guy that had led Cas to have the talk with his parents. Dean was frustrated with his ever curious mind.

He couldn't seem to be able to leave it alone. He felt stupid for even thinking some of the things that went through his mind. Like since Cas was gay, did he ever look at Dean as more than a friend? Did he find him attractive? If not, why? It wasn't that Dean wanted Cas to be interested in him, his mind just couldn't seem to make sense of it. He knew he was attractive, so it made sense for someone who was interested in men to be interested in him. Unless there was something about him that was unappealing. Dean shook his head. He really needed to stop picking at this. He had no idea what he would do if the other man actually did look at him like that. He wasn't gay and he didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings so it made much more sense to be thankful the other man didn't seem interested.

Castiel made a strange noise in his sleep, gaining Dean's attention. He looked like he was in pain, fighting against an invisible enemy. Dean found himself getting up and going to his friend, leaning over him to shake him out of the nightmare. Castiel jerked awake and stared up at Dean in confusion. It felt so good to see those familiar green eyes looking down at him.

"They keep telling me to kill myself." Castiel grumbled. Dean frowned down at him.

"It's just a nightmare, Cas. You're okay." He comforted his friend.

Castiel stared up at Dean. Something about seeing those concerned green eyes so close in the dark room made him feel uncomfortable. It was too intimate for something so impossible. He closed his eyes and swallowed his pulse.

"Of course, you're right." Castiel wouldn't look at Dean.

"Damn, man. Do you ever have a good dream?" Dean frowned. Castiel laughed and glanced up at his friend.

"Nothing I can remember." He looked away from those green eyes again. "I'm fine now, Dean. Thank you."

"Oh. Right… g'night." Dean said awkwardly, moving away from the other man.

They both lay on their separate couches in silence, willing sleep to come quickly. When Castiel closed his eyes he could still see Dean's face looking down at him in concern.

~0o0o~


	5. Chapter 5

Meg watched what she liked to call live-action soap operas. No one here ever paid much attention to her if she kept quiet so she was free to watch all the soap operas she could stumble upon. One of her favorites was The Dean and Castiel Show. They had become friends from the moment Castiel had joined the group, and of course they had. Saving someone's life created a bond that was rare, even in the zombie apocalypse. Dean was one of the most experienced fighters in the group, but it was often Castiel who saved Dean. It was intriguing. Of course, Dean would risk his life to save the group but Castiel was fast. Nothing ever got past him. It was impressive. Another point in his favor. Meg enjoyed watching him. It was a way to pass the time. Castiel appeared to be shy, but around Dean he opened up. When no one else was around he and Dean would talk endlessly about things Meg didn't understand. And the way they looked at each other… Such trust and respect for one another. As though they were long-time friends. She was jealous of their relationship, anyone would be. Over time, Meg started wondering if there was more than friendship here. At least for Castiel. She had mentioned this to Jo- who had automatically pointed out that Dean was straight. Meg had pointed out how well that was working in Jo's favor. She wasn't exactly sure why, but she wanted some sort of romance between the two men. She wondered how Dean would react to Castiel's feelings. Could a straight man be swayed? Meg liked to think that sexual orientation didn't matter when it came to love. What did it matter what gender someone was? Love is love.

"Meg's staring at you again." Dean told Cas. The other man looked up at the woman in question.

"I think she's looking at both of us." Castiel said thoughtfully.

"Maybe, but we all know you're her favorite." Dean teased. Castiel frowned at his friend and looked back towards the fence. They were standing out in the front yard discussing ways to make improvements when Dean had noticed Meg standing on the porch watching them. She didn't mind being caught. She always just smiled and looked away for a moment to give them back the illusion of privacy.

"Look, I think we might need to hit up the hardware store." Dean sighed. Castiel nodded.

"How many of us do you think should go?" He asked.

"It's gonna be a bit of a bitch…" Dean said thoughtfully.

"So, as many people as we can? Bobby is going to want to go." Castiel pointed out.

"He should stay and keep watch over the house with Ash." Dean argued.

"He's the most experienced person we have, Dean." Castiel defended the older man.

"Yea, he's old. Doesn't need to be out in zombie world." Dean frowned.

"He doesn't like you protecting him." Castiel sighed.

"Tough. He's like a father to me… I… He's better off here. Besides, we need someone with a good eye for when we get back." Dean pointed out. Castiel shrugged and looked around the yard.

The two men headed inside to tell the others their plan and get together a group for a supply run. Ash had a few other suggestions for things they could get while they were going out into town. So Hank, Meg, Jo, Dean, and Castiel took the van into town. They were all ready to raise a little zombie hell and get this supply run over with.

The hardware store was huge. The group had managed to get a good portion of their supplies before the zombies started appearing. Hank had wandered off, not wanting to stick to close to the man who had shot his friend and came running down the aisle towards them. There was suddenly zombies everywhere. They seemed to pour out of the aisles. Hank was taken down by three zombies, they were suddenly just all over him. Dean shouted for Jo and Meg to run to the exit. They didn't have to be told twice. Castiel waited for Dean, who was trying to gather their duffle bags full of supplies.

"Dean, come on. We can't fight off all of these things." Castiel urged his friend.

"I'm not just leaving it." Dean turned to follow the others only to find that there were now zombies coming out of the aisles between them. Jo and Meg turned at the door, fighting off a couple zombies.

"Dean! Cas!" Jo yelled.

"Go! Get to the van! We'll find another way out!" Dean called. He and Castiel fought off a few zombies that had managed to get too close.

"There!" Dean pointed towards a sign that said 'Employees only'. Castiel nodded and they began working their way towards the door, running and dodging zombies.

"Ah, shit. Something's blocking the door on the other side." Dean paused to fight off a zombie. There were more closing in.

"I've got your back. You get the door open." Castiel said. Dean threw his body against the door a couple of times, hearing something heavy sliding away from the door little by little. Castiel was suddenly back to back with Dean, hissing in pain and kicking out at something. Castiel's back pressed against Dean's and he could feel the other man struggling against the damn things. Dean managed to get the door open and the two men hurried through. Castiel slammed the door and bolted it behind them. He leaned heavily against it and slid down to the floor with a heavy sigh.

"Oh man, we cut it close." Dean laughed uneasily.

"...yea." Castiel smiled sadly.

"Cas? You okay man?" Dean asked. He wondered if the stressful situation had tired the other man out.

"Dean...You're going to have to climb out through that window." Castiel pointed up at the window in the corner of the room. Dean frowned at the window, imagining both of them climbing up over the filing cabinet to get out. When he looked back at his friend Castiel was unarming himself.

"Cas, what.." Dean started.

"Take this Dean. I won't be needing it.." Castiel couldn't meet Dean's eyes.

"You...you got bit, didn't you? Cas, tell me you didn't." Dean felt as though he was having the worst nightmare imaginable. Castiel was silent for too long. He finally made himself look Dean in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Castiel's eyes were too much.

"No...no! Not because of me." Dean choked back the heavy press of emotions that were threatening to strangle him.

"This isn't your fault. You said it yourself, it's bound to happen to all of us." Castiel willed him to believe this.

"Not you...let… let me see where you were bit...maybe...it's not as bad as you think." Dean tried to convince himself Castiel was mistaken about being bitten. Castiel winced as he pulled his pant leg up and Dean stared in horror at the huge chunk of flesh missing from the other man's calf. The zombie had managed to get two huge bites before Castiel had managed to get away. Castiel shrugged out of the button-up and revealed another bite on his right arm just below the elbow. There was blood pouring down over his wrist. Castiel looked too pale. Dean kneeled in front of his friend.

"Damn it Cas." Dean's voice came out strangled. His hands were clenched into fists.

"Dean, you should go. Now." Castiel pleaded. He was glad Dean had made it. At least Dean wasn't bitten.

"I can't. Damn it, I can't just leave you." Dean was shaking his head.

"Then kill me." Castiel reached out to hand the other man his sword.

"Shut up, Cas. Just shut up. I can't kill you. You know I can't. Why did you sacrifice yourself like this? I'm not worth it Cas. You're the one that should be climbing out that damn window." Dean had to take a shaky breath. He wouldn't cry. He was a grown man, an experienced fighter. He was tougher than this.

"So you're going to let me die in vain? I risked this for nothing?" Castiel coughed up blood.

"Yes. You shouldn't have done this in the first place. Serves you right. I'm going to sit my happy ass down right here and stay with you." Dean sat down in front of his friend. They had a staring match for a moment. Castiel wasn't really looking forward to spending his final moments alone, but it was too dangerous for Dean to stay here.

"So, what, you're going to watch me turn into one of those things?" Castiel asked. Dean sighed.

"It's the least I can do. I won't let you... you shouldn't die alone." Dean insisted.

"Dean...at least sit on the other side of the room." Castiel coughed again. Dean obeyed, watching his friend warily.

"Does it hurt?" He asked. Castiel stared at him, face void of any emotions. "Right. Stupid question."

"I wouldn't recommend it." Castiel joked. Dean wished there was something he could do for his friend. Castiel closed his eyes so he didn't have to see the pained expression on Dean's face. He was feeling feverish and weak but he didn't want to turn. He was fighting it much as he could. Why was it happening so fast? Because he'd been bitten multiple times? "Castiel...Castiel...you're coming home. Everything is going to be okay now." A calming voice said. He couldn't open his eyes. Everything felt so heavy, so numb.

_There was a bright white light and Castiel stood surrounded by clouds._

_"Castiel. You've finally come home." An angel approached him._

_"I don't understand..." Castiel frowned._

_"I died? But what about Dean? Is he…?"_

_"Unfortunately what was once your body will be a walking corpse now. But never mind that." The angel smiled._

_"How did you like your time as a human, Castiel?" Another angel asked. He frowned at her._

_"He is not fully restored. Where is his grace, his memories of his former self?" The first angel asked._

_"There is something holding him back." Another angel pointed out._

_"Look at me, Castiel. Try to remember." The angel was suddenly a huge white light._

_Castiel winced and looked away slightly. Something unlocked in his mind, a flood of memories rushed over him bringing him to his knees. When he looked up the other angels rejoiced._

_"I have to go back. I can't leave him." Castiel demanded._

_"There's no going back, Castiel." The first angel told him._

_"Where is He? I'll ask Him myself." Castiel stood and stretched out his wings._

_"Castiel." A voice said and suddenly he was alone._

_"The world is falling apart. The humans will fight, but many of them will die." The voice said._

_"Save them. Make this stop." Castiel pleaded._

_"No. They have brought this upon themselves and so they shall deal with it themselves." The voice said sadly._

_"Let me go back, father...I…" Castiel was trying to think of a solid argument._

_"I know, my son. You wish to return for Dean Winchester…"_

_"Please. Let me go back now." Castiel's heart felt as though it might beat out of his chest. He had to hurry back before his body transformed and attacked Dean. With a bright flash of light Castiel was sent back._

He found himself sitting on the floor across from Dean again. The other man was staring at Castiel's injured leg looking for all the world like he might actually cry.

"Dean." Castiel found himself calling out to the other man. He wasn't sure what to say yet.

"Cas, you're…" Dean froze, his eyes locked on Castiel's bright blue eyes. Castiel groaned and concentrated on healing himself. Dean watched as his dying friend stood up and walked towards him.

"What the hell is going on? Did I pass out or something?" Dean asked.

"Dean, we must go." Castiel approached his friend and held his hand out to help him up. Dean took the offered hand, more to see if it was real than anything. Cas's voice didn't sound quite right.

"Cas..." Dean let the other man pull him to his feet. He couldn't help but notice Castiel's arm was suddenly healed.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on."

"Dean, I don't know how long this door will hold up." Castiel started. Dean shook his head.

"I'm an angel, Dean. Some of us were offered the chance to experience life as a human and I was one of the few that actually did it. I had no memory of my life as an angel…When the zombie apocalypse began my brothers tried to reach out to me, to urge to me return home…" Castiel looked down for a moment.

"They wanted you to kill yourself." Dean frowned.

"It was the only way to leave my human form." Castiel sighed.

"So, if you're an angel or whatever how come you're here now?" Dean asked.

Castiel glanced up to meet those green eyes briefly before looking to the window.

"Dean-"

"You're not supposed to be here are you?" Dean was outraged. Castiel thought about it for a moment. He had returned, so God must have let him come back.

"Dean…"

"Damn it, Cas." Dean searched his friend's face.

The door finally gave and before Dean could even look towards the zombies everything around him changed. They were suddenly back at Bobby's, standing in the living room. Dean jerked away from his friend and had to swallow his pulse. What the hell was going on? Had all reality fallen apart?

"Dean! Castiel! When did you guys get back? We waited for you for about an hour, but…" Jo's voice trailed off.

Dean had to get away. He had to be alone, perhaps with a whole bottle of whiskey. Castiel and Jo watched their friend storm out of the room. Jo was asking what was wrong but Castiel wasn't listening to her. All the times Dean had looked at him like he was some sort of freak was nothing compared to how he looked at him now. Castiel realized he didn't want to be around the others either. He left Jo standing alone in the living room wondering where he'd gone. He stood on the roof of Bobby's house and looked out as far as he could. The world was being torn apart slowly but surely. He thought back to what Jo had said moments ago. They had waited in the van for an hour before leaving without Dean and Castiel. And it seemed as though they had been home for a short while as well. It had been over an hour since he'd been bitten? Everything had seemed to happen so fast. What had it been like for Dean, who had sat alone with a possibly dead friend that might turn into a zombie?

_"Castiel…there's no coming back now. Why would you choose them?" A voice in his head asked._

Castiel ignored them and continued to watch over the house.

"Dean? Where did Castiel go? He was in the living room with me, then he was just gone." Jo asked over dinner.

"I don't know, Jo. Maybe he realized he'd made a mistake in staying here." Dean grumbled.

"What the hell does that mean?" Bobby snapped.

"Did something happen between you two?" Ash asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Dean sighed.

"Really, Dean? I thought you were better than this." Bobby frowned.

"He finally came onto you, didn't he?" Meg sounded excited.

Dean was so thrown off by this he didn't know what to say.

"I bet you hurt his feelings." Ash said sadly. Jo thought back to their expressions when she had seen them in the living room.

"Oh my god. That explains everything. Poor baby. I should go find him." Jo jumped up and ran off.

"You're an ass." Meg spat as she went after Jo. Dean stared after them in shock.

"So apparently everyone thinks Cas likes me or something?" Dean asked.

"That's harsh man." Ash shook his head.

"Okay, that's it. There's absolutely nothing romantic going on here. I'm not the bad guy." Dean stood and left the room.

"I can't find him anywhere. Do you think he'd go out on his own?" Jo asked Bobby.

"I don't know. Dean's not talking." Bobby shook his head.

"Dean's not at fault." Castiel said from the refrigerator. They both turned and stared at him in shock.

"How did you…?" Jo asked. "There's something I should tell you…" Castiel pulled out a beer and leaned against the counter.

~*~

Meanwhile Dean sat out at the front watch post with his own beer. He felt like this was some weird dream that he was bound to wake up from. How was he supposed to be friends with an angel? Would Cas even be the same?

"You're an asshole, Dean." Jo said, pulling up a chair to sit beside him. He tried to ignore her, choosing to stare out at the fence.

"Castiel told us everything. He gave up heaven for you Dean. Hell, he gave up his life before that. Don't you think you could be a little nicer to the guy? He's being so understanding… it drives me crazy. You should suck it up and go see him." Jo said.

"I need… I need some space Jo. It's too much. All of this shit with him? It's my fault. Okay?" Dean said.

He wouldn't answer her after that so she stormed off. Dean couldn't help but relive the moments that led to this. At the time he hadn't realized it, but Castiel had thrown himself between a zombie and Dean. This was when he gained the arm bite. He had felt Castiel kicking out at a zombie on the ground, who had likely taken him off guard and started gnawing on his calf. Castiel wasn't able to protect himself because he was too worried about Dean. He hadn't even cried out, because he didn't want to distract Dean. He took the pain silently so he could get Dean to safety. When they had been trapped in that room with Castiel dying Dean had been bombarded with memories of the two of them together. He had experienced grief stronger than any he had known before and the guilt was enough to make him want to be killed as well. If Castiel had come back as a zombie, he was pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to kill his friend. But Cas hadn't turned into a zombie. He had come back fully healed and apparently an angel. An image of Castiel's bright blue eyes filled with pain flashed in Dean's mind.

"Damn it." Dean leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes tightly. If he was feeling this way, how was Castiel?

Dean tried to imagine risking his life to save someone he cared about only to basically die and come back to be treated like shit. The shock was wearing off and reality was setting back in, even if it wasn't the reality he'd originally imagined.

"He really is a better guy than me." Dean sighed to himself. So what if Castiel was an angel, Dean had always known the guy was different. Of course he's a frickin' angel.


	6. Emotion Overload

"Hey, Jo. Have you seen Cas?" Dean asked. He'd been looking around for him for a while.

"Uh, yea. He said there was something he had to do and he vanished." Jo shrugged.

Had he gone to heaven? It seemed like something an angel would have to do. Dean couldn't help but be jealous that Jo knew more than he did. Why hadn't Castiel told him he was leaving? Because he had been an ass. Jo didn't know where Castiel had gone or how long he would be there. Apparently the only reason she knew anything was because he had mostly been talking aloud to himself more than anyone. Dean tried to stay busy and not worry about his friend but he felt guilty. What if Castiel didn't want to be with the group anymore because of him? He couldn't stop thinking about it. About Cas. He had tried to get some sleep last night after first watch and had been disappointed to find that the living room was empty. Apparently angels didn't need to sleep. It was strangely hard to sleep in the living room alone, despite the fact that he'd been sleeping alone just fine before Castiel had joined the group. He tried to imagine life without Cas, tried to convince himself that things would go back to normal. He had a feeling he would never find a friend like Cas, would never fill that void that he didn't even know existed.

Dean joined up with Bobby to work on fortifications around the yard for the day, keeping himself busy and remained unusually quiet.

"Well I'll be damned." Bobby said, dropping the hammer he was holding to stare off behind Dean. When Dean turned to see what the older man was staring at he forgot how to breathe for a moment.

"Sammy?" He choked out.

"Hey, Dean. Bobby." Sam smiled and came forward to hug his stunned older brother.

"What-? How-?" Dean finally dropped the questions and hugged his brother tightly.

"Your angel friend, Cas. He showed up just in time to save me and Ellen." Sam stepped away to hug Bobby next.

"Cas? Ellen's here too?" Dean was having a hard time adjusting from the shock.

"Yea. Ellen's with Jo upstairs. Cas is in the living room… I don't think he's doing too well?" Sam said sadly. He seemed unsure.

"What do you mean?" Dean frowned.

"He said he used up a lot of energy trying to get to us, plus the hoard of zombies he helped us fight off to save Ellen…Then getting us back here. Poor guy was probably running low on energy when he found us." Sam was still talking when Dean rushed off towards the house.

Castiel was fine, right? He had to be. He was a frickin' angel. Dean found Castiel in the living room leaning against the couch. He seemed to be fighting against exhaustion. He looked up at Dean when he entered the living room and tried to straighten up but almost fell over. Dean rushed over and urged his friend to sit on the couch. He sat beside him feeling suddenly drained as well.

"Cas, what the hell? Are you alright?" Dean asked.

"I'm fine, Dean…Just need to rest for a bit." Castiel groaned.

"You kinda look like shit man." Dean's eyes held concern.

"Thanks. It took me longer than I thought to find them." Castiel leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes.

"Maybe you should lay down?" Dean suggested and started to get up off the couch.

Castiel placed a hand on his friend's thigh, keeping him from moving and frowned with his eyes closed. He looked like he might say something but he didn't. Dean stared down at the hand on his leg and wondered how such a small thing could fill him with relief. Cas wanted to be around him, didn't want to part.

"Cas, I'm sorry…" Dean started.

"I know. I heard you when you were talking to yourself last night." Castiel said quietly.

"You were there?" Dean asked, confused.

"No, Dean. The way you were talking… it counted as a sort of prayer to me." Castiel opened his eyes and glanced at his friend.

"Right…then you know I didn't realize I was being an ass until it was too late." Dean said.

"Your actions were perfectly understandable." Castiel closed his eyes and leaned against Dean.

"Cas…I…" Dean couldn't remember what he was going to say next. His thoughts were interrupted by soft snoring coming from Castiel. He smiled and tried to decide whether or not he should get off the couch. He decided to give it a moment, so that he wouldn't risk waking his friend before he was really asleep.

Ellen walked into the living room to greet Dean and smiled at the sight of the two friends leaning against each other sleeping on the couch. Castiel's head rested on Dean's shoulder and Dean's head rested on Castiel's head. Ellen found herself touched by this scene. She had known Dean for years and he had only let Sam get this close to him. For him to actually open up to someone other than his brother… it was huge. Not to mention, the guy he had let in turned out to be an angel. They clearly had a lot of trust for one another. Ellen knew that the only reason she and Sam had been rescued was because of Dean. Because Dean had made friends with an angel. She thought back to when they'd first arrived back at Bobby's.

"Dean is out back." Castiel had told Sam upon arriving back in Bobby's living room.

"You're not going?" Sam asked, confused. Castiel smiled sadly and looked to the floor.

"I think that he should see you alone…I can't…He…" Castiel frowned to himself. He couldn't seem to find the words. Ellen studied his face for a moment, wondering what had happened between him and Dean.

She had gone to see Jo first, letting Sam meet up with his brother alone. Now she was more confused. If the two men had fought, they had clearly made up now. Though, Ellen supposed, saving your friend's brother would definitely win you some points. Ellen smiled and headed back upstairs. She was glad Dean had found someone he could be that relaxed with.

Castiel woke, a bit confused about where he was and how he'd gotten there. He and Dean had apparently fallen asleep on the couch together. Castiel's left hand was on Dean's thigh, Dean's left hand was resting over Castiel's hand. Dean's right hand was crossed over his left arm. Dean groaned a bit and stirred.

"Cas?" Dean's voice was gruff and too close. Castiel shied away from his friend, scooting away on the couch, taking his hand back to himself.

"Hello Dean." He managed to respond. Dean glanced over at his friend.

"Feeling any better?" He asked.

"Yes… I…seem to have limited powers. I am not used to…limits." Cas frowned.

"You aren't full-blown angel or something?" Dean asked trying to wake up.

"It appears as though god doesn't want me interfering too much. I'm allowed to help you and the rest of the group, but beyond that…" Castiel glanced at Dean.

"Are you saying that god doesn't want angels to help us humans?" Dean asked.

"Think of it like Noah's Ark. Instead of a flood, it's a zombie apocalypse. He said that humans brought this on themselves." Castiel sighed.

"Great." Dean rolled his eyes. He was thoughtful for a moment. "So there really is a god, huh."

"I understand how you must be feeling. My parents…" Castiel frowned at himself. It was really confusing now, thinking back to his human life. He realized Dean was looking at him strangely. "Ah, my parents were very religious but I'm not sure I ever truly believed."

"If only they could see you now." Dean smirked. Castiel thought about it for a moment.

"If I could go back to heaven we would have a lot of things to discuss…" Castiel was amused by this thought.

"Wait. What do you mean 'if'? You can't go back or something?" Dean asked. He wondered if he had misunderstood. Castiel wouldn't look at him. He had gone silent and emotionless. He couldn't believe he had slipped up.

"It was a choice I had to make…It is not of import." Castiel glanced at Dean to see if he was going to get mad again.

"Cas…Why? Why do you…?" Dean couldn't find the right words.

"To me…There is no question. I have reflected upon the things I have done to upset you and I am sure you would choose the same path. If you were in my place, you would have done the same." Castiel frowned down at the floor, thinking about Dean injuring himself to save him.

"And you would be pissed at me, right?" Dean pointed out. Castiel looked up at his friend. If Dean had been bitten…If Dean had died…Castiel wasn't sure what he would have done. It was unbearable, unthinkable. There had been no hesitation back at the hardware store. It wasn't some heroics, Castiel would rather die than watch Dean go through such a horrible transition. The unimaginable pain that would eventually lead to death and zombification.

"Cas? Cas?" Dean looked concerned. Castiel had to blink a few times to come out of his dark thoughts.

"Sorry, Dean…were you saying something?" Castiel asked.

"You looked like you were suddenly in pain. And you were zoned out." Dean had leaned in a bit.

"It is confusing to be an angel who spent so long as a human. All the memories, the experiences, the feelings…they weigh so much…" Castiel leaned back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling.

"We were taught to love the humans, to watch over them. I watched the very first humans, watched as they gradually got smarter and more advanced. It was like watching tv, we angels are incapable of emotion. We were able to watch with a sort of detachment. Even as a human I never really felt much attachment to another human… Until I met you." Castiel bit his bottom lip thoughtfully and glanced over at Dean.

"So you don't have emotions? It doesn't seem that way…" Dean said after clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Being emotionless would be a blessing… I still feel what I felt as a human, with the addition of my memories as an angel…Everything makes more sense now, the emotions are stronger, more important because they had not been there before. I never experienced it before. I feel as though there is a battle between angel me and human me going on inside…" Castiel sighed.

"Is it because you weren't brought back as a full-blown angel?" Dean asked.

"I imagine so. However I find it hard to forget the human emotions so easily." Castiel said thoughtfully.

"I guess emotionless angels couldn't exactly have friends." Dean smiled.

"Dean…" Castiel struggled to find the right words.

"You know, you seem different. Are you sure you're okay?" Dean asked.

"I'll be fine." Castiel frowned down at his hands. "I…cherish…our friendship."

"O…K…" Dean stared at his friend in confusion. "Look man, if this is about how I've been towards you don't worry about it. So what if you're an angel. Good for you. We're still cool."

Castiel took a deep calming breath and let it out slowly. Everything in him wanted to acknowledge his feelings for Dean. He had always wondered what these feelings were like and now he could experience them firsthand… but he couldn't tell Dean. The only way to make their friendship work was if Dean didn't know. To human Castiel, Dean had been remarkable. He was skilled, outgoing and attractive. But to angel Castiel he was so much more. Dean's soul was beautiful. Of all the humans Castiel had watched over the years he had never experienced someone like Dean. Everything about the man attracted Castiel. His personality, his looks, his skills, his heart, his soul… It was overwhelming. Castiel felt as though his heart was trying to push itself up out of his chest, up his throat and eventually through his mouth. Even if it was a love that could not be, it was still love. Something most angels would never experience. As a human, this emotion had been shoved down and locked away. He had ignored it, told himself there was no way it could happen. As an angel he wanted to let it take over his senses, roll in it, revel in the sensations it caused. He found himself wanting to blurt it out, spill his heart to Dean. Which of course, wasn't allowed. His human memories told him this would only end badly. It could push Dean further away from him.

"Hey, you guys are up! Are you feeling better?" Sam looked down at Castiel, concern all over his face.

"Yes, Sam. Thank you." Castiel glanced at Dean briefly and stood up.

"I was just thinking about starting breakfast. I don't think anyone else is up yet." Sam looked between the two men, curious about what had them sitting on the couch in silence together.

"Ah, right. I'll help out." Dean said, heading towards the kitchen. He looked back to find that Castiel had disappeared.

"He do that a lot?" Sam asked. Dean looked up at his brother and shrugged.

"He hasn't really been an angel long." He said.  
~*~  
Castiel stood on the rooftop looking up at the clouds. How was he supposed to deal with these feelings? Maybe he could simply explain it to Dean, get it off his chest and promise not to act on his feelings. Would Dean be uncomfortable around him? It would take a lot of self-control from here on not to let it slip. Everything in him wanted to be closer to Dean. He had a feeling that Dean's soul had called out to him, even when he was in human form. How else could he explain the chance meeting? Castiel noticed movement at the front gate and watched as a couple zombies ambled up towards the fence. They joined the other impaled zombies and began flailing their arms wildly. A few of the zombies were so horribly disfigured Castiel wondered how they managed to walk around at all. The thought of one of those beasts putting their nasty mouths on Dean filled Castiel with rage and disgust. There was no way he was letting Dean become one of those. The pain had been unbearable. Castiel would give his life a thousand times, just to keep Dean from experiencing a zombie bite. He sighed and jumped down from the roof, deciding he should start taking care of the zombies that had begun to pile up.

When Dean headed out to check the perimeter he didn't expect to see Castiel already taking care of the zombies. He opened the gate and headed over to Castiel. The angel glanced at him but didn't say anything. Together they began piling the zombies up and lighting them on fire. Dean found himself trying to make light conversation, making jokes. He just wanted to see his friend laugh and smile again. Something seemed to be weighing on the angel. The most Dean could get out of him was a very slight smile. The two men stood safely behind the fence, watching the burning piles of zombies.

"Hey, there you guys are. Bobby said you might have some work for me out here?" Sam asked Dean. He looked past them at the burning zombies.

"I gotta say, it's a nice set up here." Ellen joined the boys.

Dean gave everyone a task for fixing up the perimeter, as well as working on repairs around the house. He frowned at the supplies they had retrieved from the hardware store. Castiel could guess what the other man was thinking. Their eyes met for a moment, but neither said anything. Meg and Jo joined up with the others and there was enough distraction for Dean. Castiel was on pike duty with Sam. Ensuring that they were placed securely and sharp. A few had managed to be knocked out of place.

"So, Cas. I know you said you were living life as a human for a while, but you didn't say how that went. Was it worth it?" Sam asked casually. Castiel looked down at the pike he was holding.

"It was very different." Castiel said. He tried to remember his childhood. Everything about his family was already becoming a blur. He still felt sadness about his parent's death, but his human life had been short in comparison to his life as an angel.

"Ok…" Sam laughed a bit. He had expected more but the angel seemed to be lost in thought.

"I'm sorry Sam. I can see that I've disappointed you. It's just that my life as a human was so brief. Now it seems like everything was just leading up to this moment." Castiel glanced up at Sam.

"So, the others told me about how they think the angel in you was trying to get out when you were human. Had that happened before?" Sam asked.

"I was just a normal human. Everything was simple until I met Dean…" Castiel stopped and reflected on what he'd just said. When he had met Dean surrounded by zombies he had suddenly sacrificed himself, despite the fact that he hadn't even tried to help any of the other humans. And he had run blindly towards the man, not aware of his surroundings. He had even looked around, wondering how he had gotten there. His body had led him to Dean. It was as though he had to save Dean.

"Oh, right. When you saved him from all those zombies. Looks like you were a pretty brave human." Sam grinned.

Castiel found himself looking around for the sandy haired man. When he found him, Dean was laughing with Jo and Ellen. The older woman kept staring at the younger two as though she couldn't believe they were really here. Castiel was distracted by the loving look in her eyes. He was glad he had managed to save her. She added a motherly touch to the group that no one had realized they needed. Dean was so happy around her. It wasn't just Sam that he needed. Castiel thought back to when he had finally found Sam only to realize he and Ellen were separated. Sam was frantic to get to Ellen, he wouldn't leave without her. Castiel had already been feeling the fatigue from his search for Sam, but he headed into the hoard of zombies with Sam. Had he been brought back with his full powers he could've taken care of the hoard effortlessly.

"Hey, Cas…is it true? What the others say?" Sam asked. His eyes were shiny with interest. Castiel tilted his head to the side and frowned slightly at the other man.

"That…ah…well…you and Dean?..." Sam found it hard to ask with Castiel staring at him so intensely.

"I don't get what you're asking, Sam." Castiel followed Sam's gaze to Dean and tried to think of what the taller man could mean.

"Ok, man, this is a lot more awkward than I thought it would be." Sam laughed nervously.

"Talking to me is awkward?" Castiel frowned. Maybe it was because he was an angel now. That would explain why it seemed harder to talk to Dean lately. He wasn't sure what to do to make things go back to normal.

"Ah, well…look, I would just drop it but the thing is…I've never seen Dean get close to anyone but me and frankly even our relationship isn't perfect… The others seem pretty sure, so I can't help but be intrigued…" Sam looked way too excited.

"Perhaps you should just tell me what it is that the others told you…" Castiel offered.

"Are you and Dean… you know…?" Sam looked at him pointedly and waggled his eyebrows.

"Dean is straight." Castiel pointed out, still frowning at Sam. He was starting to get where this was headed. Did the others really see their relationship like that? "He and I…We're friends."

"But you aren't straight." Sam refused to let go of the excitement.

"No…" Castiel narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Look, all I'm saying is that the others picked up on something and I just want you to know that I'm okay with it. I think it could wor- oh shit, he's coming over." Sam busied himself quickly, trying not to look excited. Castiel frowned at him.

"What the hell is going on with you two? I don't think I've ever seen Cas frown this much." Dean said from the other side of the fence. Castiel looked over at his friend and tried to make himself stop frowning. Sam looked from one man to the other. He couldn't think of a good enough excuse.

"Sam was curious about my human life." Castiel said.

"Feeling a bit touchy?" Dean laughed. Castiel shrugged and went back to work. Dean looked a question at his brother who also shrugged. Dean sighed and went back to patrolling the perimeter.

Sam and Castiel worked in silence for a while. Castiel couldn't stop thinking about what Sam had said. Had the younger brother actually told him it was okay if he was in love with Dean? Did the others know somehow? Was he that obvious? He hadn't even fully understood his feelings until recently. When had the others picked up on it? He couldn't imagine how Dean would react if the others decided to tell him. Things were strained enough as it were. Sam had interrupted himself, but he had said that he thought it could work. What could work? He found himself glancing at Sam, wanting to ask him to explain himself. He wasn't sure he really wanted to talk about it though. There was no way Dean would be interested in another man, so that would not work. It would be better if he could somehow lock these feelings away, he shouldn't be feeling hopeful about them.


	7. An Angel's Love

Ellen made dinner and everyone crowded into the kitchen. It was feeling more and more like a huge family. Sam and Dean were talking happily about nostalgic things. The only one who didn't seem to be a part of the family now was Meg. She had become pretty good friends with Jo, and was becoming acquainted with Ellen and Sam.

"I might be able to give up on Castiel in favor of the new guy." Meg teased. Jo laughed.

"That's probably a wise decision. At least Sam is straight." Ash pointed out.

"Hmm, but he doesn't have the cute puppy eyes." Meg sighed. Sam laughed.

"Cas has cute puppy eyes?" He asked. The others nodded. Dean smirked, it was amusing that the others thought of his friend as a huge puppy too.

"Ok, how about this?" Sam asked, putting on his best puppy expression.

"Swoon." Meg smirked.

Dean looked around the room at his friends. It was a bit disappointing that the angel didn't eat or sleep. He seemed to never be around anymore. He had announced that he would be on the roof, watching over them. Dean had a feeling that the angel preferred to be alone lately. He seemed to be having a bit of a rough time adjusting to his new predicament. Dean couldn't imagine what it would be like to have angel memories and human memories banging around in his head. The angel seemed troubled. Dean missed his smile, his shy laughs. When Dean had thought that Castiel was dying he couldn't stop thinking about how he would never see his friend smile again. He hadn't lost Castiel, but he had still lost his smile. He wondered what he could do to help. Maybe Castiel just needed time to adjust.

Three days went by in a sort of blur. The group had rearranged a few things within the house. A relationship had quickly flared back up between Bobby and Ellen, who without a word to the others, had started sharing Bobby's room. Ash and Sam shared a room now that there was enough beds without having to use the spare cots. Ellen insisted they make better use of the house, setting up more space for storage. She didn't like that Dean was sleeping on a couch all this time so she made plans for them to get him an actual bed. The others agreed. Dean insisted that he would still like to stay in the living room, which everyone was okay with.

"It's not like anyone actually uses the living room. How about we make it into an actual bedroom?" Bobby suggested. The others agreed.

"Is it really worth the risk to go out and get a frickin' bed?" Dean grumbled.

"If we have any hope of surviving this thing we're going to need a better living environment. Sleeping on the couch is going to fuck your back up." Ellen told him.

"Where's Cas? We should get him to come with." Sam suggested.

"He's probably on the roof. He's always up there." Ash seemed sad about this.

"Should one of us go out and get him or something?" Jo asked. Dean shook his head.

"Cas? We're heading out. You going?" Dean asked looking up. The others looked at him strangely, but Castiel appeared beside him.

"You know I will, Dean." Castiel said simply. Dean grinned and looked around at the others.

"Super hearing?" Meg asked curiously. Castiel looked around at the others.

"I can hear if you direct your words to me, no matter where I am. If you need me, I will hear." He told them.

"Handy." Ellen smiled.

Bobby and Ash stayed behind to watch over the house while the others took the van and the impala. Ellen drove the van with Jo in the passenger seat. They had removed the seats in the back to make room for the bed. Dean drove the impala with Castiel in the passenger seat. Meg had taken to flirting with Sam, who didn't seem to mind.

"I can't believe we're doing this." Dean said, looking in the rearview at his brother.

"It's as much of a necessity as anything else we do." Sam said. Meg agreed.

"I can't believe you've been sleeping on the couch for so long." She said.

"I don't really need a bed. I don't like thinking that this whole trip is because of me." Dean grumbled.

"Well if Castiel actually slept, we'd be getting him one too." Meg pointed out.

Dean glanced at Castiel and was reminded of how much he missed their nights together. He thought of the times he'd tucked his best friend in and felt a pang in his chest. It was getting difficult for Dean to get used to being alone at night. He had been giving Castiel space to adjust to things but he had never missed someone so bad before. Which felt ridiculous because Castiel was right there. He was always around, if not in his line of sight. Dean made up his mind to have a proper talk with Castiel when they returned home, even if it turned out to be embarrassing. He just wanted things to go back to how they were. Maybe Castiel felt the same.

The group worked well together, quickly dealing with the zombies. There weren't many surrounding the mattress store and even less actually inside the store. Ellen backed the van up to the front doors and they loaded up, keeping a look out for zombies. Dean insisted on getting the closest twin sized bed, Ellen argued with him but he didn't want to be any different from the rest of the group. Only Bobby and Ellen had a huge bed. The others had twin beds, so Dean would too. Since they were out already, Dean suggested they head next door for a supply run. The girls were pleased to see that the store next door was a small clothing store.

"No one really wants to wear the same thing forever." Dean shrugged. He glanced at Castiel. It was kind of cute how the angel was wearing clothes that were slightly too big on him. It seemed a shame to suggest he find his own clothes, but it would probably be more comfortable. When he suggested this to Castiel the other man looked down at himself and thought about it.

"I suppose you're right…" Castiel muttered. He didn't think he was that much smaller than the other man, but the pants were a bit loose.

"Alright, I'll grab Bobby and Ash some clothes. The rest of you basically have nothing, so just worry about yourselves." Dean told the others at the door.

"Don't forget to stock up on socks and undies." Ellen reminded everyone. They prepared their weapons and headed inside. There were only a few zombies. The group took care of them and spread out to shop for clothing. Everyone had a duffel bag to themselves. No one took too long deciding what clothes to choose. It didn't matter what you wore during the zombie apocalypse.

Back home Castiel offered to help Dean take the bed inside while everyone else put away their clothes and reported in to Bobby. He always liked to hear about their time in town. Sam stayed back to offer to help with the bed. Castiel suggested Dean go inside and clear a space for where he wanted the bed to go. The bed wasn't very big, so it was no problem for the two men to carry it but Dean felt like he should do the majority of the work since it was his bed. However, he also wanted to be the one to decide where the bed should go.

"Carrying this alone would be no problem if it wasn't so awkward to carry." Castiel pointed out.

"You can carry it alone?" Dean asked. Castiel shrugged.

"I could probably carry your car alone." He sighed. "If my strength is what it used to be."

"Super strength. Nice." Dean nodded with raised eyebrows.

"Alright, go already so me and superman here can get this in the house." Sam grinned.

Dean ran ahead to move the furniture around and ushered the others into the right place. Dean tried out the new bed, liking the location. He gave the other two the thumbs up and hopped out of bed to go grab the duffel bags of clothes. He wanted to get this part of the day over with so he could try to talk to Castiel. Bobby and Ash were grateful for the clothes. Dean talked with the other men for a while before heading back downstairs. He thought about having the talk with Castiel now, but didn't want to be interrupted by the others still milling about. It would be best to wait until the others were heading to bed. When he got to the living room-his room- he found Castiel standing against the window, peering out behind the curtain. The angel turned his attention to Dean once the other man had come further into the room.

"Hey, Cas. What's up?" Dean asked.

"I get the feeling that you want to talk to me about something." Castiel tried to read his friend's expression, looking to his green eyes for answers.

"Ah…yea, I was going to see if you wanted to have a couple of drinks with me later…" Dean looked around. Everyone was upstairs. They were taking a break from yard work today, so everyone would probably stay upstairs until dinner time.

"You don't want to talk now?" Castiel looked at him questioningly.

"Well, I do… but the others are nosy as fuck." Dean sighed. He scratched the back of his head, trying to decide what he should do.

"If something is bothering you…" Castiel started.

"I miss you, Cas. Ok? I miss you. I can't stand it." Dean blurted out. Surprise showed on Castiel's face.

"You were always there, the only best friend I ever had and then you were dying, then you were an angel and now you're never really around. And when you are, it's not the same. I don't know if it's an angel thing or what but you're so closed off. You said you cherished our friendship, but do you even want to be friends anymore?" Dean winced at the words that seemed to burst out of him. He felt like a babbling teenage girl.

"Dean…of course I want to be friends." Castiel walked closer to his friend. "I thought I could take some time to myself to adjust to…to this but it's harder than I imagined. Perhaps I'll never adjust."

"Maybe I can help?" Dean offered. He wasn't sure what the hell he could possibly do to help but he was rewarded with a small smile from Castiel.

"Thank you Dean, but I don't think it's something you could help with." Castiel looked down for a moment.

"It's the emotional thing, right? You said you were struggling with the new emotional overload." Dean stepped closer to his friend. Castiel looked at him strangely. "Look, I know I'm not exactly the best person to talk to about this sort of thing but I'm here for you okay? If that's what is bothering you…I'll try to help you through it. Hell, maybe you'll even be able to smile again."

"Dean…have you ever been in love?" Castiel asked, studying his friend's face. Dean was taken by surprise.

"Ah…No. Have…have you?" Dean found it hard to swallow, as though something was stuck in his throat. Was Castiel mourning the loss of someone he loved? That would explain everything. Except why Dean felt like he was being strangled.

"Yes…I find it all-consuming and unbearable. I've tried pushing it down, ignoring it…" Castiel looked away, to stare at a painting on the wall.

"Yea, I hear that about… love… ah…so what, you didn't feel this way when you were human?" Dean asked curiously. The man had never brought this up before.

"The human mind doesn't grasp things so easily. It lies to itself, perhaps for protection. As an angel it is something we would never experience so it was easily recognized. It would be like knowing alcohol exists, you've seen others consume it, saw the effects it had on them but never had any yourself. Until finally you have an entire bottle forced down your throat and it fills you with a burning warmth that only seems to spread. Intoxicating, overwhelming." Castiel said thoughtfully.

"This is painting an interesting picture." Dean could use some alcohol himself at this point.

"I don't know how you humans deal with these feelings." Castiel looked back to his friend.

"Well, it's like you said. We usually ignore it." Dean crossed his arms over his chest and tried to figure out what the hell to say now. "So, this guy. I assume it's a human you met before the apocalypse? Do you think he's still out there somewhere or…"

The two stared at each other for a moment in silence. Castiel was giving Dean a strange look and Dean was trying to decipher it. It took a lot for Dean to be able to ask about the person Castiel loved and the other man wasn't helping him out at all. Dean felt as though he might actually be sick soon. He wanted to help Castiel but it was making him oddly jealous to hear about this other man. The thought of Castiel going out in search of some man from his past was too much. He felt like an asshole for thinking it but he really didn't want to see Castiel with another guy.

"Dean… are you…are you joking?" Castiel asked. He couldn't tell if the other man was being oblivious on purpose. Was this Dean's way of denying Castiel's feelings? Maybe it would be better if he thought Castiel was referring to someone else. Castiel had a feeling it wouldn't go well either way. Dean frowned at him.

"What do you mean? Why would I be joking?" Dean was confused. He was getting a bit defensive.

"Dean…" Castiel wasn't sure what else he wanted to say to the man. He couldn't exactly come out and confess, could he? The two stared at each other. Maybe it was best to rip the band-aide off and see how bad it fucked things up.

"What? You mean…You don't mean…Me?" Dean asked. His heart was pounding in his chest. Castiel looked away for a moment then met his eyes again and Dean was pretty sure he stopped breathing.

"Don't ask me if I'm sure. I can see it in your eyes." Castiel sighed. "I don't expect anything from you. I just want you to know that it's…difficult."

Dean sat on the nearest couch and stared down at the coffee table.

"I should go…" Castiel wasn't sure he could deal with Dean's rejection.

"No. Wait…" Dean spoke up. He looked up at his friend. "I'm not upset or anything…"

Why the hell was he so relieved? He wasn't sure what to say to his friend but he didn't want to push him away. He didn't want to see the other man in so much pain, so closed off. He knew Cas was probably itching to get out of the room right now, so he should hurry up and say something. But what should he say?

"You said…You said you don't expect anything from me. Does that mean that as long as I accept your feelings, we're cool?" Dean asked. Castiel gave him a small nod. Dean grinned.

"Great. Of course you're in love with me, I'm frickin' awesome… We cool?" Dean said playfully. Castiel stared at his friend for a moment not knowing how to feel about what he had just said.

"Dean…" Castiel took a deep breath and told himself this was a good thing. Dean wasn't disgusted by the idea of a man being attracted to him-in love with him even. He wondered why Dean seemed to be happy about it. When Castiel thought about it, he had a feeling Dean was easily flattered. Castiel was so relieved by Dean's reaction. They would make it work.

"Right. We're good." Castiel smiled at his friend.

"Was that really all that was bothering you?" Dean asked. Castiel laughed and raked his hand through his hair, pushing his bangs back. They stayed up for the most part, giving the illusion of bed head. He looked down at the floor unable to look at Dean for a moment. Of course Dean wouldn't get it. He seemed to think being in love was a small thing.

"What?" Dean pouted. The other man hadn't laughed in a long time and now he was laughing at him. Like he didn't understand what they were talking about.

"Ah, so you do smile!" Sam said entering the living room. Dean frowned at his brother and glanced back at Castiel. There was still a faint smile on his lips, his eyes shiny with amusement. Those blue eyes moved from Sam to Dean and Dean rolled his eyes but smiled. He wanted to know why the other man was laughing at him but it was probably better not to push it.

"What's up Sam?" Dean asked.

"I'm starving. Figured I'd get started on dinner." Sam nodded towards the kitchen. His eyes found Castiel's smiling face again. Who knew the angel could have such a nice smile? It seemed to change everything about him. Maybe it was true what the others had said about Castiel only smiling around Dean.

Dean looked from Sam to Castiel and felt annoyed. He wasn't sure why he was so greedy when it came to Castiel but those smiles were meant for him and only him. Why the hell was Sam staring at him like that?

"Well, go on." Dean ushered the other man to the kitchen in annoyance. Sam looked at Dean strangely but left the room. When Dean turned back to Castiel the angel was giving him a strange look as well.

"I feel that I should apologize to you." Castiel said.

"What? For laughing at me?" Dean asked.

"No…One day you'll understand that…What I'm sorry for is making you think I didn't want to be around you. Sometimes when I'm on the roof…when I'm alone…I can get my brothers to talk to me. I was asking for advice, guidance…" Castiel laughed at himself, looking down at the floor.

"How'd that go?" Dean asked.

"They aren't very happy with me for staying here. Some are jealous that I get to experience human emotions as an angel…They haven't really helped much." Castiel met Dean's eyes.

"That sucks, man. Oh…do you smell that? I know you don't like to stay with us for dinner and stuff, but you'll still have a few drinks with me afterward right?" Dean asked, following his nose to the kitchen.

"You have but to ask and I shall be there." Castiel smiled at his friend and headed back to the roof.  
~*~

"Straighten things out between you two?" Sam asked when Dean arrived in the kitchen.

"Yea, yea. What the hell did you make? It smells amazing." Dean watched his brother set the table.

"It's a kind of German dish. I saw it on tv before. We had the ingredients so…" Sam shrugged. "Why don't you go call everyone down here?"

"Oh…right. The others…" Dean stared longingly at the food on the table before tearing his eyes away and going upstairs.  
~*~

After dinner everyone sat around talking for a while before parting ways once more. Dean headed back to his room and got comfy. Which meant no shoes, no button up. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a couple glasses as he walked to the couch.

"Alright, Cas." Dean sat the whiskey on the coffee table and poured them each a glass. When he looked up the angel was there sitting on the opposite couch. He'd changed into a white t-shirt with a ¾ sleeve white button up over it. The white was stunning on the angel. Dean smiled at his friend. "You changed. The white suits you, fits you better too."

"Thank you, Dean. It's strange, these clothes don't really smell like anything." Castiel looked down at himself. He missed the familiar scents of the clothing he'd borrowed from Dean. The other man simply laughed.

"That's new clothes for ya, I guess." Dean drank some of his whiskey and made a face down at the glass. "I think it's been a while since I've had anything this strong."

"You know, I'm not sure the alcohol will even affect me." Castiel admitted, but he drank half his glass anyway. Dean watched the blue eyes widen appreciatively and smiled. The angel could feel the difference as well.

"All cleaned up and wearing white, you actually look more like an angel." Dean noted. Castiel finished his glass and licked his lips.

"Does it make you uncomfortable? That I'm an angel?" Castiel asked. Dean laughed.

"No, it's…everything that's been happening lately is just bizarre. I mean, zombies? Really? I was glad to have found a friend, but for you to be an angel…that's just…" Dean shook his head in disbelief. Castiel waited for him to finish the thought, worried that he might not like what Dean had to say. Dean smiled at him reassuringly. "I'm lucky to have you as a friend, angel or not."

"Thanks, Dean." Castiel smiled shyly down at his glass and refilled it. Dean watched his friend, glad that he'd managed to say something right for once. He found himself staring at the other man, trying to imagine him as an angel. Did he have wings? Was that how he got around so quickly? He finished his glass of whiskey and decided to ask the man himself.

"Of course I have wings. They're invisible to the human eye. It's not something the human mind is prepared to grasp." Castiel answered. Dean licked his lips.

"So, humans can never see your wings?" Dean wondered. Castiel thought about it for a moment.

"I'm not sure." He answered honestly. Perhaps if the mind was willing to accept it… Castiel thought back to ancient times. There were of course certain humans that had been allowed to see a visage of angels but that was because He commanded it. He watched Dean refill his glass. Did Dean really wish to see his wings or was he just curious? Meanwhile Dean was lost in silly thoughts of Castiel flying around as he finished his glass. He looked over at Castiel and found the man staring at him. He looked pretty serious and Dean wondered what he could be thinking about. He managed to pull his attention away from Castiel to stare at the whiskey bottle thoughtfully. He was feeling pretty buzzed already, he probably didn't need to drink any more. However, it was basically the end of the world for all they knew. He refilled his glass and looked up at Castiel.

"You know, I just realized we didn't even really get together to celebrate Sammy and Ellen coming home." Dean admitted. He thought back to when Sam had been returned to him. He'd been relieved to see that his brother was alive, of course, but he'd been more worried about the angel. About Cas. They should've all had celebratory drinks together, but no one had suggested it and everyone seemed fine with the way things were. As though it was normal to move on like it was no big deal.

"It's not too late. Though I don't think it necessary. The others seem to prefer to move on without much mention of their time apart." Castiel said. Dean nodded, they had both come to the same conclusion. Castiel bit his lip as he watched Dean drink more whiskey. He seemed troubled. Castiel decided to distract his friend from whatever troubling thoughts he was having by telling him stories from his time as an angel. Dean seemed truly interested in listening to his stories. At some point he moved to sit on the couch beside Castiel, leaning back against the couch. Castiel had shifted so that he could look at Dean while he talked and was so lost in his storytelling that it took him a moment to realize Dean was looking at him strangely. It no doubt had something to do with the alcohol. Castiel wondered if maybe his stories were too boring for an inebriated Dean. He stopped talking and looked down, embarrassed. He should've realized Dean was bored with him.

"Why'd you stop? Something wrong?" Dean asked, snapping out of his thoughts when he realized Castiel's deep voice was no longer filling the room.

"I'm boring you…" Castiel started.

"No, no. It's cool hearing about all the stuff you got to see over the years. Honestly though, I keep getting distracted. I think the whiskey's getting to me." Dean admitted.

"Distracted?" Castiel asked curiously.

"Ah, yea…" Dean smiled, a bit embarrassed. Castiel's eyebrow rose at this.

"It's nothing…just…you've lived so long, seen so much…" Dean licked his lips, glanced at Castiel then frowned down at his lap. "It just seems…unreal that you'd end up here with me. I mean how many people befriend an angel?"

"No one." Castiel smiled at his friend. "Just you."

"How could you give up everything?" Dean asked. Castiel wondered if Dean would ever understand his feelings. It saddened him that Dean felt guilty about how things had turned out.

"Even if I didn't love you, our time together meant more to me than my time as an angel." Castiel assured Dean. "You shouldn't feel guilty about the decisions I've made, Dean. If I could die a hundred more times for you, I would without question. It's just who I am."

"But why give up heaven?" Dean frowned at Castiel.

"Like I said, you meant more to me." Castiel shrugged. Dean stared at his friend.

"I'm guessing it's not as awesome as everyone makes it out to be." Dean sighed. Castiel thought back to his time in heaven, everyone seemed pleased with it. "What's it like anyway?"

"Everyone has their own personal heaven, eternity spent in peace and happiness. I've visited quite a few different heavens and I even had a few favorites. Some are amusing, others are truly beautiful…" Castiel smiled, recalling the memories.

"Angels don't have their own heaven or something?" Dean wondered.

"Not really, though we have free reign amongst all the heavens." Castiel said happily. Dean frowned at him. Castiel reached out and took Dean's hand in his which seemed to confuse Dean.

"If it will make you feel better, my personal heaven would be spending forever with my best friend, who happens to have the most beautiful soul I've ever seen." Castiel swallowed hard, realizing he probably shouldn't have said the last part aloud. Dean looked at him quizzically.

"You can see souls? Like for real?" Dean asked.

"As an angel, yes, we can see souls." Castiel confessed. Dean stared down at the angel's hand holding his own and wondered why it felt so soothing. He thought about how he'd had to move to the same couch as Castiel, to be close to him. It was like he was afraid the angel would leave him at any moment and wanted to make sure he kept him close.

"What, ah, what does it look like? My soul?" Dean asked, a bit distracted. Castiel looked at him with a gentle expression on his face and Dean wondered if the man was looking at his soul at this very moment.

"It is hard to put to words. Imagine the most amazing sunrise you've ever seen, captured within an exploding star… yea that sounds about right." Castiel smiled to himself. It still didn't seem to do justice to the beauty he saw.

"I don't know what an exploding star looks like." Dean frowned almost sadly. Castiel stared at him thoughtfully for a moment then reached out with his free hand and touched Dean's forehead gently.

"Close your eyes." Castiel requested. Dean did as he was told and was amazed by the sight given to him by Castiel. "I'd show you what I see when I look at your soul, but that's forbidden. I fear it wouldn't be a good idea for you to see it yourself. However, this exploding star should give you some idea."

"And everyone's soul looks different?" Dean asked, opening his eyes.

"For the most part." Castiel watched Dean lick his lips thoughtfully.

"You like me for my soul or something?" Dean tried to joke.

"Your soul is you, Dean. The purest form of you without any facades or walls." Castiel said. Dean realized all this soul talk was making him uncomfortable. He was happy, pleased that he had a good soul but it was entirely too intimate for him. Besides, it didn't seem fair that Castiel could see his soul while Dean couldn't see Castiel's. Did angels even have souls? He decided to ask.

"No…angels…we have what we call grace… though…I was human for a while so perhaps I do have a soul now…" Castiel said thoughtfully. They sat in silence for a moment. Dean realized he and Castiel had been sitting on the couch together holding hands for a while now. He didn't mind. It made him wonder vaguely why people didn't touch more. Castiel felt so warm and comforting. Was it because he was an angel? Castiel was looking somewhere off to the side, perhaps at the coffee table. His mind seemed to be elsewhere. Dean moved closer to his friend on the couch, their legs brushing together. This gained him Castiel's attention.

"Sorry, that wasn't smooth at all. You feel warm and cozy…" Dean frowned at himself. Where did that come from? Castiel looked at him strangely for a moment before smiling.

"You must be in tune to my grace." He said simply. Dean met those amazing blue eyes and wanted to ask what the angel meant. What did it mean to be in tune to an angel's grace? When his eyes met Castiel's he found that he couldn't form thoughts properly. Was it his imagination or was there something about those blue eyes… Castiel looked away, looking somewhat embarrassed. Dean blinked a few times and realized that he'd been leaning in closer to Castiel. He laughed and rested his head against Castiel's shoulder.

"Sorry man, I guess that whiskey affected me more than I thought." Dean admitted. He was in fact feeling a bit dizzy. It felt good to be so close to Castiel, like he was trying to reclaim all the closeness they'd missed out on by being apart the last few days. It seemed ridiculous to be upset with the decisions that Castiel had made that kept him here. He didn't want to be selfish but he couldn't imagine what life would be like with the angel no longer by his side. Castiel knew that Dean was more likely to get close like this because of the alcohol. He felt a bit guilty for enjoying it and wondered if he should move or ask Dean to move.

"Dean…maybe you should go to bed." Castiel suggested. Dean made a soft 'hmm' noise but didn't move. Castiel realized his friend was already starting to doze off on his shoulder. Castiel tried to extract himself so that he could ease a sleepy Dean over to his bed. Dean tightened his hold on Castiel.

"Cas…don't go." Dean pleaded in husky half-awake voice that Castiel couldn't resist. He sighed softly and leaned back against the couch. As he sat there in silence listening to Dean's breathing even out he couldn't help but hear the sound of his name on Dean's lips echoing in his mind. Cas. He loved the nickname, loved the way it sounded when Dean called out to him. He made sure Dean was out for good before moving him to his bed. Leave it to Dean to finally have a bed but still fall asleep on the couch. Castiel stood watching over Dean for a moment, noting how he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. He wondered vaguely what Dean dreamed about. As an angel he had the ability to peer into a human's dreams, even appear within them… However it would be an invasion of privacy. With one last glance at Dean's sleeping face Castiel left him there to sleep in peace, returning to the roof.

Alone in the dark with the stars twinkling above him, Castiel regretted parting from Dean so quickly. He should've stayed on the couch with him. It was rare for him to be able to be so close to Dean, he should have treasured it more. The problem here was that it would never be enough. He craved the feel of Dean's warmth against him. Of course he knew he'd done the right thing. Dean needed to sleep in an actual bed for once and it felt like he was taking advantage of him to stay so close while he was asleep. Castiel sighed and looked up to the heavens. Some of the other angels were jealous that he was able to experience love firsthand, but he was starting to think it was more torturous than he'd originally imagined. Even the pain of unrequited love felt warm though and despite wishing he could be spared the pain he knew he wouldn't trade it for anything.


	8. Expansion

It had started getting fairly cold out, the leaves were changing color and the electricity was no longer working. Castiel had talked with Bobby about the neighboring houses, suggesting they expand their safety zone to include the other houses. It would take a bit of work, but with an angel on their side it shouldn't be too difficult. Castiel was convinced that there were still people out there that could be saved and once they were saved they would need a place to stay. Ash and Dean were called in to be a part of the conversation. The others had always wished there was a way they could help others, but without just stumbling upon a survivor there was no way they could. Ash took it upon himself to start planning out just how they would go about making the area more secure. He drew out maps of the area and together with Bobby started working out a plan. The two were so focused, Castiel and Dean decided to leave them to it for now.

"Should we get with the others or wait until we know for sure this is gonna work?" Dean asked as they headed down the hall, away from the study. Castiel thought it over for a moment.

"Perhaps we should wait on Bobby and Ash." Castiel decided. Dean nodded.

"I'm going to go up to the roof…I can't hear the prayers of others unless it's directed towards me, but perhaps…" Castiel thought of Gabriel up there in heaven. Would the archangel be willing to help?

"Oh, right…I'll go see what Sammy's up to." Dean flashed a smile and headed off in search of his brother. Castiel watched him walk away for a moment before going up to the roof.

Dean found Sam in the kitchen with the three ladies. Sam was helping Ellen come up with meal plans and the other two were sitting at the table snacking on potato chips. Dean sat beside Jo and reached over for some chips. She shared the bag with a smile.

"So, electricity is completely out. Bobby said he's got some back-up generators but we'll need those more in the winter." Dean told the others casually.

"So what are we gonna do for food? Showers?" Jo asked. Dean shrugged.

"Well, it's not like we need to have cooked meals every day." Ellen pointed out.

"Yea, anything we need cooked we can roast outside at the firepit." Sam added. Everyone sat in silence for a moment, letting their new reality sink in. Sam and Ellen returned to work, making sure they had enough supplies. Dean listened in on their conversation, wondering how they were going to manage to get enough supplies for whoever they managed to save. Would they even be able to find that many survivors? The number of zombies out there had only seemed to increase steadily. The quick sound of wings could be heard, signaling Castiel's return. Everyone turned to greet the angel, only to find he wasn't alone. There were two strangers with Castiel and they both looked like they had been to hell and back. Castiel looked pleased with himself. His eyes met Dean's and it was easy to understand Castiel's happiness.

"You did it, Cas!" Dean exclaimed, standing up to greet the new survivors.

"Uh, so…angels are real?" The scrawny newcomer asked. Sam smiled, remembering his first time meeting the angel.

"I don't understand what's going on… are we dead?" The redheaded young woman asked.

"No. Of course not. Garth prayed for help so I've brought you to stay with my friends." Castiel smiled gently at the two newcomers. Dean clapped a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"Look, I know it's crazy but you'll get used to it. I'm Dean." Dean introduced himself flashing a winning smile at the strangers.

"Right…um, I'm Charlie and this is Garth." The redhead glanced at her friend, who seemed to be having a tough time forming words. The others introduced themselves, inviting Charlie and Garth to sit at the table. Dean stayed standing with Castiel as everyone else settled around the table.

"Are you alright?" Dean asked softly, leaning in close so no one else could hear. Castiel gave him his attention, smiling softly.

"I'm fine Dean. Gabriel helped me find these two. He said he'd be willing to help when he could." Castiel turned his attention back to the rest of the group. Charlie had finally accepted that she'd been saved and was opening up to the group, telling them about how she and Garth had been out shopping at the mall when all hell had broken lose. They had been trapped in the mall for hours before finally making their way out. A man named Benny had helped them escape and had shared his supplies with them. They had spent a few weeks with Benny and his group, learning to defend themselves. They weren't sure what had happened with Benny and the others. The rest of the group didn't take well to outsiders and appeared to have left them to fend for themselves. Garth couldn't believe that Benny had just left them and admitted to being worried about the man. Castiel frowned and wondered if he should try to find this Benny.

"Benny definitely wouldn't pray for help." Charlie pointed out, looking up at the angel. Castiel searched her face for a moment, wondering if she had somehow guessed what he'd been thinking.

"She's right. Benny doesn't believe in… well anything religious." Garth added.

"Do you really need someone to pray for you to save them? I mean you found me and Ellen. We weren't praying." Sam said.

"Though maybe we should've been." Ellen chimed in.

"It took me a long time to find you. I searched many different parts of Nebraska before I finally found you. It is a miracle I was able to function after using up so much energy." Castiel reminded the others. Sam nodded, remembering how out of it the angel had been. The angel had practically risked his life to save him.

"I think I might know where they were headed…" Garth offered. He didn't want to give up on Benny so easily. If there was a chance he could be saved…

"Perhaps if I get the general location, I can find him without using up too much energy." Castiel frowned, willing to go out in search of this man.

"Where are you guys from anyway?" Jo asked curiously.

"Texas. We were leaving Dallas, on our way north towards Oklahoma. The leader of the group Benny was with was headed there. Said something about a shelter or something his uncle had that would be perfect for surviving this." Charlie offered excitedly.

"And you know where the shelter is?" Dean asked. Charlie nodded with a smile.

Castiel listened intently as Charlie and Garth told him everything they knew about the location of the shelter. Castiel nodded and was gone. Dean bit his lip and left the room. He wasn't sure why he was so worried about the angel. He could clearly take care of himself. But what if he got all the way out there and Benny wasn't there? Did it take more energy to travel that far? It had to. And Castiel had barely rested after his first trip there and back. It felt ridiculous to be so worried about an angel, but there he was, going off alone so he didn't have to be in the room full of happy people. Dean sat on the couch, trying to think of something he could do to get his mind off things. Sam sat beside him.

"I'm sure he'll be alright. He's a lot tougher than he looks." Sam offered. Dean didn't respond. He didn't want to acknowledge that he was worried about the angel. The two brothers sat on the couch in silence for a moment. Sam smiled sadly at his older brother before getting up and leaving him to sulk alone.

Frustrated with himself more than anything else, Dean decided to return to the study to check on Bobby and Ash. They shared their ideas with him and were amazed when he informed them that Castiel had already managed to find two survivors. They didn't prove to be much of a distraction as they were interested in meeting the newcomers. Dean sighed and stayed in the study alone. If only he could've went with Castiel, then he wouldn't be sitting around feeling so useless. He decided to stop sulking and join up with the others.

Castiel had been gone for hours. Everyone had split up to make themselves useful. Ash volunteered to show the newcomers around. They seemed to be becoming quick friends. Ellen and Sam went back to planning meals and checking supplies. Jo and Meg trailed along with Ash. Dean headed outside to check the perimeter while Bobby went up to the lookout. He found himself trying to imagine what it would be like to expand their perimeter to include the other houses. Ash had already begun to write up an estimate of the supplies needed to accomplish this feat. Perhaps they would make it after all; survive the zombie apocalypse. It had begun to get dark outside when Dean decided to head back indoors. The rain caught him just as he was making his way towards the front door. It was cold and sudden. Instead of running inside to get out of the rain he stood his ground and looked up at the sky in disbelief. He refused to be the type of guy that ran out of the rain, so he walked at a steady pace finding the cool rain to be surprisingly calming.

Once Dean arrived back inside he was met by a strange man with clear blue eyes. He frowned at the stranger for a moment, looking around for any sign of the others.

"We arrived here just a few seconds ago. I believe there are others up stairs." The stranger said.

"You're Benny?" Dean guessed. The man smiled and held out a hand.

"And I do believe you are gorgeous." Benny flirted easily. Dean eyed him with a frown, clasping the offered hand hesitantly.

"I'm Dean. Where's Cas?" Dean asked.

"I'm over here Dean, I'm fine." Castiel called from the living room. Dean moved away from Benny to join his friend in the living room. Dean found Castiel sitting back on the couch looking exhausted but he didn't appear to be injured.

"Luckily the angel here had enough mojo left to heal us both when we got here." Benny said, sitting on the opposite couch. Castiel shot Benny a look that clearly meant that he hadn't wanted Dean to know that. Benny shrugged and looked from Castiel to Dean.

"What happened? You were gone longer than I thought you would be." Dean stood beside the couch, looking down at Castiel.

"Benny?" A voice said from the hallway. The three men turned to see Charlie barely managing to contain her excitement. Benny flashed a smile her way before turning to give Dean a more serious expression.

"I'll go catch up with the lady. Let you two catch up alone." Benny winked at them and left the room to hug Charlie. They started talking animatedly as they headed upstairs to meet up with the others.

"The group Benny was with…they walked right into a death trap. The man's uncle was foolish, they were all zombies inside the shelter by the time the group arrived. I tried to save the others, to talk them into coming with me but they insisted upon fighting us…I did not wish to hurt humans…" Castiel looked off into the distance for a moment before looking up at Dean. They shared a moment of silent understanding. Dean walked over beside his bed where he kept a couple drawers of clothing. He pulled off his button up and let it fall to the floor.

"So these other guys…they dead?" Dean asked. Castiel sighed.

"I'm not sure. I do believe they had begun to go a bit insane…They…" Castiel froze. Dean pulled his wet t-shirt off to reveal tan muscular flesh. He tossed his t-shirt with the button up and rummaged for another shirt. When Castiel didn't continue talking Dean actually turned to see if the angel was still there. What he found was Castiel sitting on the couch staring at him with his mouth slightly ajar.

"You okay?" Dean frowned. He wished his friend would be more honest with him instead of trying to play it off. The man was clearly out of it. Castiel slowly closed his mouth and swallowed hard but couldn't manage to look away from the exposed skin. Dean had a few tattoos that Castiel had never even known about. He had known the man was beautiful but he had no idea how statuesque the guy's body was. Dean pulled on a light gray long sleeve Henley before walking over to the couch to sit on the coffee table in front of Castiel.

"Look man, I know you don't want to come off as having weaknesses or anything but…you did good today. You're obviously exhausted, no one's going to judge you for crashing on the couch." Dean smiled at his friend.

Castiel blinked a few times and made himself return the smile. He couldn't help but wonder if Dean realized the effect he had on him. Did he choose to ignore the staring? He had seemed to ignore Benny's compliment. Perhaps it was how he dealt with this sort of thing. Or maybe Dean just didn't get it. He probably thought Benny was joking and his concern for Castiel's welfare clouded his judgement. How would the man respond to knowing that Castiel had been at a loss for words because he was staring so hungrily at the sight of exposed skin? Castiel was exhausted. He'd used up more energy than he could've imagined. It was nice that Dean cared about him, but he didn't want his friend to be worried about him. It was a bit difficult to hide anything from Dean and yet… It was becoming clear to Castiel why Dean might not be so bothered by another man being in love with him. He saw love as something innocent and built purely on emotion. He didn't quite grasp that love came hand in hand with lust. Castiel wanted much more than to simply be close to his friend. He wanted, no craved, so much more but because Dean was straight he couldn't possibly let Dean know. With his energy so low it was proving to be more difficult to reign himself in. He didn't have the self-control that came with his angelic powers. Dean was so close, it would be so easy to close the distance between them. To finally know exactly how those lips felt. What did Dean taste like? How would Dean respond if his friend were to suddenly kiss him? Surely he would be forgiven… But kissing would never be enough. If he couldn't have it all, then he shouldn't even risk a taste. Castiel tore his eyes away from Dean and leaned back against the couch to stare at the ceiling. His heart was beating wildly, and he felt as though he was going to have to fight his entire body to keep from acting on his urges.

"Cas?" Dean asked worriedly.

"You're right…I should go to sleep." Castiel licked his lips and risked a glance at those beautiful green eyes. There was something there in those eyes… Had something happened with Dean while Castiel was gone?

"I wish I could've gone with you. I felt so useless here waiting for you to get back." Dean said, easily guessing what Castiel was thinking when his brows scrunched in concern. He watched Castiel try to think of something to say and quickly added, "Bobby and Ash seem to have everything planned out. We should probably start working on all that tomorrow."

Castiel found that words weren't coming so easy to him anymore. He hated these limitations. It seemed cruel that he wasn't able to help everyone. God had made sure of that. He had just enough angel powers to help a small group and nothing more. But if he was going to live with these limitations he would fight it for as long as he could, save as many lives as he could. He would bring them together so that they could survive. He was fairly certain that he couldn't actually die.

"Alright, you. Lay down. Get some sleep." Dean had stood up, looking down at him with a stern face. Castiel yawned and decided to do as he was told. In this weakened state, with Dean so close it was probably for the best. Dean watched his friend get comfortable on the couch and gave him a soft smile. Castiel rolled his eyes playfully at his friend before closing his eyes and giving in. His mind immediately brought up images of a shirtless Dean.

Dean sighed and headed upstairs to catch up with the others, maybe get to know the newcomers a little better. He wasn't sure what to think about this Benny guy but he looked strong enough and from what his friends had said he seemed pretty skilled. Castiel was safe now, so he was able to focus on the others. Who would've thought he'd be so protective of a best friend? It reminded him of how protective he'd been of Sam. Castiel was family now, it was more than friendship at this point.


	9. Chapter 9

Since the beginning of human existence love has always made people do foolish things. They killed others, started wars, killed themselves… It was something the angels were helplessly curious about. Apparently once a human decided they were obsessed with another human, nothing else mattered. Even after thousands of years, love seemed to be an important factor in human life. Love could make you strong, it could make you confident. Or it could make you weak and foolish. It was a curious thing. Castiel had begun to realize that his knowledge and understanding of love would be of no help in this situation. It did nothing to prepare him for an unrequited love with his best friend who was apparently busy making a new best friend. And as ridiculous as it might be, Castiel was unprepared for the feeling of jealousy. Of course, he understood that a person could have more than one best friend. He knew he should be happy that Dean was getting along so well with Benny, but he just couldn't find it in himself to be happy about it. Benny had been with them for three days so far. He slept on the couch in the living room, which used to be where Castiel slept. With Dean. He had joined the group on a trip out to get supplies and had proven to be a good fighter as well as a fast thinker. Dean had showed respect and admiration for the man almost immediately.

Benny was indeed a good find. He was smart, fast, strong, and kind. Castiel couldn't find it in himself to dislike the man or regret his decision to bring him here. Nevertheless, it hurt to feel replaced. Being the only one close to Dean had made him feel special. If he couldn't have Dean return his feelings, at least he'd had that. Now he had nothing. Benny had it. The worst part was that the jealousy didn't even end there. No. Benny was bi and didn't care who knew it. He flirted with pretty much everyone, joking for the most part. Dean didn't seem to mind, responding only with half-serious eye rolls. Castiel decided he couldn't be around them. He liked Benny, he really did, but why did he have to come and steal Dean away?

Castiel was outside the fence, staring too hard at an impaled zombie when Benny approached him from the other side of the fence.

"Look familiar or something, angel?" Benny asked. Castiel turned his attention away from the zombie to look questioningly at the human.

"Was there something you needed Benny?" Castiel asked. He hated to hear the sound of annoyance in his voice.

"Yea, man. I want to talk to you. Clear some stuff up…could you maybe come on this side of the fence?" Benny asked. Castiel was suddenly standing beside him, inside the fence. He didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrows as if waiting for Benny to continue talking.

"Right…ah…I owe you my life man, we all know that. I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to be with such a good group of people for once." Benny looked around, making sure no one else was outside.

"I hate to think that my presence here is screwing anything up. I see the way you look at Dean… you really love him…" Benny smiled softly. Castiel looked away, to frown out at the impaled zombies.

"I also noticed the way you look at me…" Benny added. Castiel felt sick at the thought of that.

"I understand, man. I get it. But you have nothing to worry about. Sure, the guy is cute and all but I've started to think of him as a little brother. You know?" Benny waited for Castiel to turn towards him again.

"I'm sorry Benny. I've been utterly ridiculous towards you. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am with myself." Castiel glanced at the other man briefly, before looking away again.

"I get it man. Not only are you in love with the guy, but you're best friends. Then some random dude shows up and starts getting close to him." Benny shook his head. They stood looking out at the zombies in silent understanding for a moment.

"You know…he's upset that you don't seem to want to be around him much. He misses you. Even if he doesn't realize it himself, he loves you too." Benny smirked and waited for Castiel to react. He didn't get the reaction he was hoping for.

"He is a man who loves his friends, cares for them deeply." Castiel smiled sadly, turning to face Benny. It was easy to see that Castiel was proud to be considered one of the friends that Dean loved, yet saddened by the fact that it wasn't more than that.

"That may be, cher, but I know you're special to him…" Benny suddenly had an idea. He smiled to himself and logged it away.

"I was thinking…some of these zombies are so decayed I wonder how they could possibly function." Castiel turned his attention to the zombies once more. Benny followed his gaze and winced at the hideous zombie that had attracted Castiel's attention.

"We should start taking care of these." Benny unsheathed his machete. Castiel nodded and the two headed out to begin disposing of the zombies. Garth ventured outside at some point and decided to help. By the time they were finished killing off all the zombies and piling them up Dean had ventured outside as well. They set fire to the piles of zombies and stood watching them burn, casually discussing the number of zombies. Castiel stiffened unconsciously as Dean moved to stand beside him.

"Been talking to your angel buddies?" Dean asked.

"Ah…no. Gabriel said he would let me know if he found anyone to save, so I'm still waiting on him to contact me. The others aren't very happy with me…I wouldn't exactly call them my 'buddies'." Castiel answered. Dean rolled his eyes playfully, of course Castiel wouldn't get the sarcasm.

"So what have you been up to?" Dean asked, frowning at himself when he realized how frickin clingy he sounded. Surprisingly, Castiel's gaze flickered over to Benny. The other man was laughing with Garth about something stupid and wasn't paying attention to the other two at all. Dean frowned, wondering what Benny had to do with this.

"I'm embarrassed to say that I was having trouble with emotions yet again. It was foolish, but I believe everything has been cleared up." Castiel admitted. Dean was about to ask Castiel to clarify when Charlie ran out to join them.

"Oh! I was so excited to see that you guys were starting fires, but they're bodies. Ugh. Hey do you think it'd be bad to roast marsh-mellows on zombie fires? Like do you get contaminated from that?" Charlie pondered jokingly. The others laughed.

They had spent the morning getting supplies for the fence project. Now that their group was getting bigger it was easier to go into town, fight off zombies and get what they needed. To get the fencing they needed they were going to have to travel a bit further than they were used to. There was a warehouse that Bobby assured them would have what they needed. So far they had gathered plenty of pike supplies, chains, and other various smaller things they would need. Now they would just have to go get the fence and they could start putting it up. Tomorrow would be the day that they travelled to the warehouse.

"So, when we get this perimeter set up and the houses secured how do we decide who goes where?" Garth asked.

"We don't know how many others will be joining us. We can split the group in half, so everyone has a decent bed and enough space but that's probably going to change." Dean pointed out.

"So me, Benny and Garth?" Charlie asked.

The group was still trying to work out who would go where. Everyone was so used to being together they were reluctant to separate. However it was getting a bit crowded and Charlie and Garth were sleeping on cots.

"We still have plenty of time to work all that out. No one is moving out until everything is settled." Dean said.

The others started talking about more lighthearted things, like imagining if certain celebrities were still alive out there. Garth had started a sort of game to see who the others would want to have join them, out of all the celebrities. Dean was only half paying attention to them. His mind had decided to replay what Castiel had said about having trouble with his emotions again. He'd looked at Benny when he said this. Was Castiel developing feelings for Benny now? But there was no problem there, Benny was bi. What had been 'cleared up'? Had Castiel talked to Benny about this? If Castiel was interested in Benny, and they'd talked about it… Benny wouldn't say no to Cas, right? Dean felt sick to his stomach. Would those two be together now? That was good, right? Benny was a good guy, if he wanted to be with Castiel it was a good thing… So did this mean that Castiel wasn't really in love with Dean after all or had he just moved on? Castiel should move on because it wasn't like he and Dean could actually be together. Dean should be happy that Castiel was moving on. Instead he felt hurt, disappointed. No one had ever claimed to be in love with him before and now the only person that had was moving on.

"Dean? Are you alright?" Castiel asked worriedly. Dean shook himself out of it, realizing he'd been staring into the fire at the burning zombies for who knows how long. He looked around to find that the others were heading indoors. It was just him and Castiel now. His chest felt strange, heavy and tight. He couldn't help feeling betrayed. Castiel cocked his head to the side, studying Dean's features.

"I'm fine, Cas." Dean growled. He looked away from his friend, trying to force himself to calm down. Castiel wasn't at fault, he wouldn't knowingly hurt Dean's feelings. He just needed time to adjust to this, to accept what was happening.

"Dean… if you're upset with me…" Castiel stumbled over his words. It was clear that Dean was mad at him. He couldn't figure out why exactly but he couldn't bear for Dean to be upset with him. It would be best if Dean would just tell him what he had done wrong so he could make it right. He had been going over everything he could've possibly done and was still confused.

"Cas, it's just…" Dean licked his lips and glanced at Castiel before turning his attention back to the fires.

"We should put these fires out." Dean changed the subject. There was no way he could confront Castiel about his feelings. This wasn't some chick flick.

"If I've done something wrong, just tell me. Otherwise how am I supposed to stop doing it?" Castiel smile sadly at Dean. There was a sudden gust of wind over the fires, blowing them out completely. Dean stared at the charred zombie remains, realizing Castiel must've put out the fires. When he turned to Castiel the angel was gone. Dean sighed heavily and looked up to the darkening sky. What the hell.  
~*~

"What are you looking at?" Sam asked, causing Benny to jump slightly at the study window.

"Ah…nothing?" Benny laughed, embarrassed to be caught watching his friends' conversation outside. Sam narrowed his eyes disbelievingly and came closer to peer out the window himself. Dean was standing out by the pile of charred zombies alone.

"Cas isn't with him?" Sam frowned, looking around the yard for the angel.

"Well he was… Hey, so what's the deal with those two anyway?" Benny asked. He was pretty sure he knew all there was to know, but he wanted to see how Sam felt about it.

"Dean's too stubborn to realize he has feelings for a man. Cas is convinced his love is unrequited. They're best friends, but everyone knows they're in love with each other. They're the only ones that aren't aware." Sam said as if this was something he'd either heard often or told others often. Benny smiled and looked back out at his friend. Dean seemed so lost.

"I had a feeling it was something like that. So how come none of you has knocked sense into them yet?" Benny asked.

"Honestly, in between stressful zombie crap we've all taken an interest in seeing how this turns out. The girls have actually started placing bets on how this will turn out." Sam looked down in embarrassment. "I actually got involved. Not much else to do these days."

"Hey, man I'm in. I think I've accidentally made things interesting anyway." Benny laughed. Sam looked at him questioningly. Benny went on to tell Sam about the misunderstandings between himself and the other two. Sam thought about it for a moment, weighing all the possible outcomes.

"So what was your bet?" Benny asked curiously. Sam smiled.

"That they were going to get drunk together, Dean was going to make a move on Cas and then regret it the next day. Then he would realize his feelings. It would take about a week or two before anything else developed." Sam laughed.

"Damn, that's elaborate." Benny laughed.

"Yea, we all simplified things more for the bet but we've discussed exactly how we think it's going to play out as well. For mine, we just call it 'drunk Dean'. Meg thinks that Castiel is going to be the one to make a move and then regret it, so he's going to keep his distance from Dean which will only make Dean miss him and eventually lead to them making up." Sam shrugged. "Which sounds likely, except I doubt Cas would be the one to make the first move."

"Hmm, so if that did happen… you think they would just get together?" Benny asked.

"She thinks so. The rest of us think that they would just forgive and forget." Sam rolled his eyes.

"What are you guys talking about?" Charlie asked from the doorway. The two men jumped slightly before including her in their conversation.

"Oh, right. I was talking to Meg and Jo about this earlier. I think Sam is going to win. I don't know them well enough to have a really good bet, but that seems like something that would actually happen." Charlie smiled.

"Jo thinks they aren't going to get together. She's probably the only one that thinks Dean is 100% straight." Sam pointed out to Benny.

"And you're completely fine with him ending up with a guy?" Charlie asked with raised brows.

"I just want him to be happy. Who cares if it's a guy or girl? Honestly though, I would have never thought he would go for a dude… but seeing him with Cas…" Sam shrugged and smiled.

"What does the winner of this bet get?" Benny asked.

"The others have to do whatever the winner wants for a week." Sam shrugged. "It's not like money really matters anymore."

"Hmm… so you definitely think Castiel wouldn't make a move? No matter what?" Benny asked. Sam thought about it for a moment.

"I think he has more control as an angel than we do. He wouldn't want to ruin his friendship, wouldn't risk it." Sam decided.

"But have you noticed…" Meg's voice made the others jump. She rolled her eyes at them. "When Castiel has used up his energy who does he get super comfy with?"

"Oh shit. Where'd Dean go?" Sam asked, looking out the window. They were having this conversation on the first floor which was dangerous. Dean could walk by at any time.

"Dinner's ready if you're all done gossiping." Ellen called from the hallway.

"Is Dean…?" Sam asked warily. Ellen smiled and shook her head.

"He's walking the perimeter with Ash." She laughed at the others. "I'd really hate to see what Dean would do if he knew what you were up to."

Everyone let that sink in for a moment. No one wanted that. Not to mention it could potentially screw up the whole thing. Benny watched the others head off to dinner, but stopped Sam from leaving.

"Do you think making Dean jealous and getting him drunk would work?" Benny whispered conspiratorially. Sam thought about it for a moment.

"Are you trying to help me win? You could make your own bet and win you know." Sam pointed out. Benny shrugged.

"We'll try this, then I'll consider placing my own bet." He winked at Sam and left to join the others.  
~*~

Dean seemed lost in thought during dinner. He barely managed to finish his plate before getting up and going to the living room to be alone. The others finished up and headed upstairs to wind down. Benny found Dean standing at the window in the living room staring out at the dark yard.

"You still have any whiskey left?" Benny asked, taking a seat on the couch. Dean turned and looked at him strangely.

"Yea, man." Dean answered, fetching the whiskey and a couple glasses.

"Ash said he was going to keep watch tonight. You going to join us, Cas?" Benny asked. Dean froze and frowned at Benny. The familiar sound of wings announced Castiel's arrival. Dean grabbed an extra glass and sat on the couch, placing the glasses and whiskey on the coffee table. Castiel stood awkwardly, feeling that Dean was still upset with him.

"I think we should clear up this misunderstanding. Cas isn't interested in me. I'm into him, but he's in love with you so…" Benny sighed dramatically. Castiel looked at him in shock, wondering if what he was saying was true. Dean frowned at Benny, not sure how to feel about this. He shook his head and filled their glasses. He took a swig of his waiting on Benny to continue.

"All I'm saying is Dean's straight, I'm not. I know it can be hard to let go of your feelings but I just wanted you to know… I'm fine with taking it slow." Benny smiled up at Castiel. The angel frowned and couldn't help glancing at Dean. The other man had choked a bit at Benny's last words but was now determined to consume as much whiskey as he could.

"I don't know what to say…I'm not really…I can't…" Castiel sat on the couch beside Benny. He looked at the other man, willing him to tell him this was a joke. Benny picked up his glass and drank happily.

"What…ah…what does this have to do with me?" Dean asked. Why did Benny feel the need to confess his feelings about Castiel to him? It was a relief to hear that Castiel wasn't the one interested in Benny. Why was it such a relief? But to hear Benny discuss the possibility of a relationship with Castiel…it was making him feel sick again.

"We're all friends. I thought maybe you'd be on my side here." Benny looked embarrassed. He chugged a good amount of whiskey, wincing at the burning sensation. Castiel froze. What if Dean agreed with Benny? The thought of giving Benny the go-ahead hurt. Sure he had accepted that Dean didn't want to be with him as more than a friend but that wasn't the same. He looked over at Dean and found his friend staring at him thoughtfully. He appeared to be in some sort of pain as well. Maybe he somehow understood how Castiel felt and realized how it might affect him if he were to push him towards another man.

"I'm not on anyone's side. It's up to Cas." Dean tried to make himself stop frowning. He refilled his glass and drank some, licking his lips.

"Right, well we probably shouldn't get too trashed. Got that trip to the warehouse tomorrow." Benny pointed out. He'd only just remembered himself. He had a feeling this plan was going to take a bit longer than he'd expected. The others were lost in thought. Benny placed his hand on Castiel's knee.

"I forgot I told Ash I'd go hang out with him on watch. He said he wanted to go over a few things about the warehouse." Benny announced. He looked from one man to the other. Dean was glaring at the hand on Castiel's knee. Benny leaned in closer to Castiel.

"You hear me, Cas?" Benny smiled. Castiel blinked a few times and nodded.

"Right… Tomorrow is the day we go to the warehouse." Castiel frowned down at the hand on his knee. Benny chuckled. Neither man wanted him to touch Castiel. He removed his hand from the angel and stood up.

"Just think about what I said, angel. Unrequited love is a bitch." Benny glanced at Dean before heading upstairs.

"Dean…I'm sorry. I know this must be incredibly awkward for you." Castiel looked over at his friend sadly. "As our friend you don't want to hurt either of us…but…whether you think it's a good idea or not… I can't just stop loving you. I can't… I can't be with someone else. And I don't want you to… I don't want you to be okay with me being with someone else. I know it's stupid of me to ask this… but I can't bear to have you care so little about me-"

"Cas, it's not like that." Dean stood, feeling that Castiel was about to make a run for it. Or vanish, more likely.

"I can't friggin' stand the thought of…" Dean trailed off realizing what he was saying. He licked his lips, biting the bottom lip. Those blue eyes met his, waiting for him to continue. "Look, I don't want to lose you. Okay? As selfish as that is."

"Thank you, Dean." Castiel smiled and stood to face his friend. Dean found his eyes drawn to Castiel's pink lips. He had such a nice smile. Dean was beginning to wonder if his feelings for Castiel were more than friendship. He couldn't be sure if they were romantic feelings and if they were, were they influenced by Castiel's feelings towards Dean? If Dean was wrong, it would only hurt Castiel more if he acted upon these feelings and then realized he couldn't follow through. Castiel picked up his glass of whiskey and downed it. He licked his lips, trying to decide if he should leave or not. Dean stared at his friend, wondering why of all the men he'd come across in the past he was only attracted to this man. There had been other attractive men, but Dean had felt nothing towards them. Maybe if Dean had met Castiel in the past he wouldn't be so sure that he was straight now. Not to mention the feelings that had nothing to do with appearances. Castiel was different from anyone Dean had ever met. They shared a profound bond, something that went beyond gender or preferences or anything physical. Perhaps there was such a thing as soulmates and the universe didn't give a fuck what body your soul was trapped in. Dean stared down at the whiskey on the table, feeling more high than drunk.

"I should let you get some rest." Castiel decided. He waited for Dean's eyes to meet his own and when they did he couldn't look away. Dean was looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the word. Castiel reached out and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, unable to resist the urge to touch him.

"You're a good friend, Dean." Castiel smiled. He tried to keep the sadness out of his voice, out of his eyes. He'd accepted that they would never be more than friends. It was enough just to be close to Dean.

"Cas…" Dean frowned, reaching out for the other man. He stared at his hand on the side of Castiel's face, amazed at himself for doing such a thing. Castiel bit his lip, unsure how to feel or respond. Dean's hand felt so warm. Dean's eyes met Castiel's and they had a brief moment to search each other's eyes.

"I'm a horrible friend." Dean decided, dropping his hand away. Castiel frowned at him and decided that if Dean could touch him like that, then he could do the same. He moved his hand from Dean's shoulder to lightly caress Dean's strong jaw. He parted his lips to argue with Dean but the other man closed his eyes and licked his lips slowly. Castiel closed the distance between them and managed to stop himself from stealing a kiss. What the hell was he thinking? Dean's eyes opened to study Castiel from up close. It was dizzying. Castiel began muttering an apology but before he could pull away, Dean pulled him close. And then Dean's lips were on Castiel's. The angel was taken completely by surprise. He froze, wondering if Dean had really consumed enough alcohol to be making a move like this. Maybe Dean was just confused, what with all the jealousy over possibly losing a best friend. Dean pulled back slightly and blinked a few times. He'd acted on impulse, despite the fact that he'd decided he wouldn't act on these feelings until he knew what they meant.

"Cas…I…Don't be mad at me, okay?" Dean watched those blue eyes stare back at him in confusion. Castiel's hand seemed to drop away from Dean in slow motion.

"I'm not…I get it, Dean. You're confused and…" Castiel trailed off. Dean nodded in response but his eyes had moved to Castiel's lips. Maybe he was confused, but he wanted to do it again.

"No, I… I don't want to get your hopes up or… I don't know, I don't want to come at you with half-assed feelings and then screw it up or whatever." Dean met his friend's eyes, silently asking if that made sense. Castiel made himself look away. He had to be smart about this, be reasonable. Dean wasn't drunk, possibly slightly buzzed, but there had still been alcohol involved which could easily be blamed later.

"I'm not drunk… All I know is I want to be close to you. I want you to only show your adorable side to me. I'm ridiculously possessive over you and it drives me crazy. I get jealous over the thought of you being interested in anyone else. I was way too happy about you being in love with me. I can't stop thinking about you, worrying about you, missing you… I've never felt this way, Cas and it freaks me out but…fuck I'm talking too much." Dean looked away in embarrassment. The alcohol always did this to him, made him too talkative. A little more likely to overshare. Castiel studied his friend. It was becoming clear that this had been bothering the man for quite some time. Dean looked both scared and excited. He clearly didn't want to screw up their friendship but he was also relieved to be honest about his feelings.

"Dean…I'm not going anywhere. You can take as long as you want to sort out your feelings. No need to do anything that might make you uncomfortable." Castiel assured his friend. Dean turned to regain eye contact with the angel. "Even if you don't return my feelings, mine won't change. I could never be mad at you and I'm perfectly fine with just being friends. I'm not as fragile as you think. You don't have to tiptoe around me."

"So you don't want to kiss me?" Dean teased, his eyes flickering from Castiel's eyes down to his lips and then back up. Castiel's eyes were drawn to Dean's lips. Dean smirked. Castiel swallowed hard and made himself take a step back.

"I should go…let you get some sleep." Castiel decided. Who knew how Dean would feel tomorrow. It was better to end this conversation now.

Dean opened his mouth to argue but Cas was gone. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to sleep now. This felt way too open-ended. He probably would've run off if he was in Castiel's place, but to be left alone with his thoughts wasn't fair. He practically collapsed into the couch, taking a deep breath before letting it out slowly. He couldn't believe he'd actually kissed Castiel. Of course, the angel hadn't responded at all. He'd been too sudden, there was no way Castiel would believe his feelings were anything more than alcohol induced and brought on by misplaced jealousy. He couldn't help wondering what it would be like if Castiel actually kissed him back. Being close to Cas was comfortable, exciting. He craved it. He shook himself out of his thoughts and headed to bed. Tomorrow was a big day, he should really get some sleep. As he was drifting off he wondered what tomorrow would bring, not with zombies or anything but with Cas and…Benny. How would things be between them now?


	10. Surprise at the Warehouse

It was a particularly cold morning with thick gray clouds in the sky. According to Bobby, it was definitely going to rain today. Ellen made sure everyone got some sort of breakfast before they headed out for the day. Dean was feeling rather grumpy from lack of sleep, but he was determined to not let it show. Ellen would be driving the van with Jo sitting between her and Sam. The rest of the van was for supplies. Bobby had assured them that there would be enough room for some fence to fit in the back of the van. If they could find some sort of truck out there that could help load the rest of the fence, they would do that, otherwise they would be making more trips out to the warehouse. Dean slid into the driver's seat of the Impala, wondering if he his beloved car was really a good choice for the zombie world they lived in now. Baby was loud and rather small when you thought about all the things they needed to pile into their vehicles these days. He just couldn't stand the idea of driving anything else. It was like betraying Baby. Besides, the Impala reminded him of how things had been before, of much simpler drives. It was comforting. Castiel took his place in the passenger seat of the Impala, looking over Dean thoughtfully.

"You look tired. Are you sure you're okay?" Castiel asked, clearly worried. Dean frowned at his friend.

"I'm fine." He sort of grumbled.

They looked away from each other at the sound of the back doors opening. Benny slumped down behind Dean, Charlie scooted in beside him with Garth following shortly after. Everyone in the backseat had to readjust a couple times before they were comfortable. There were just too many weapons involved to sit this close. Ellen was waiting for the Impala to head out first before following behind. Dean cleared his throat and glanced in the mirror at his group.

"Guess we're set." He smiled at the others before heading down the driveway. He watched as Ellen pulled out behind them. Everyone was quiet for the most part, nervous about driving so far and not knowing what they were going to be walking into. The warehouse was one of five in the area, on a road that led away from a busier part of town. The little stores they'd had to pass to get to the warehouse seemed to have zombies guarding them. Cars were littered across the main road, blood-spattered and wrecked. Dean winced as he pulled into the warehouse parking lot. He had a feeling the infected had made their way here to the unsuspecting warehouse workers. By the looks of it, it hadn't gone well. The cars in the parking lot were mostly damaged, there was blood on the ground dried and soaked into the pavement. The loading dock was open wide, a loading truck near the opening with the driver's side door wide open. A couple bloody handprints were on the door, more blood on the pavement. Everyone got cautiously out of the cars, meeting up together with their hands on their swords.

"Alright, well it's open so I doubt any zombies chose to stay behind." Ellen pointed out.

"Looks like this place got hit pretty hard." Garth commented.

"Let's just hurry up and get this over with. Anyone see a decent truck?" Dean asked. Everyone looked around.

"There. That one looks like it survived whatever happened here." Jo pointed out. The others took watch while Sam and Jo inspected the truck.

"Chevy Silverado, extended cab long bed. It's got a good amount of gas and appears to be in good condition." Sam reported back to the others.

"Keys?" Dean asked.

"Nah, but I can jump it." With that Sam did just that, starting the truck and pulling it up close to the entrance of the warehouse.

"How the hell did we get so lucky?" Ellen asked, checking out the truck.

"I don't know. But you know what they say about gift horses." Benny smiled. With that they headed into the warehouse, everyone on alert. Castiel frowned thoughtfully.

"Hold on." He reached out and grabbed Dean's arm. Dean gave him a questioning look.

"Gabriel's trying to tell me something." Castiel looked around the warehouse as though he was looking for the other angel. He cursed and started heading out of the warehouse.

"We have to go next door. Gabriel tried to guide nearby survivors to us, but they're in the wrong warehouse. They're in trouble." Castiel didn't wait to see if the others were following, just rushed out ahead of them. He burst through the door at the next warehouse, drawing the attention of a few zombies. A teenager was on the ground, barely holding off a zombie. On the other side of the room a group of zombies were tearing at a dead body. A woman yelled from the back of the warehouse. She'd climbed on top of one of the shelves and shot a zombie below her between the eyes with a gun. Castiel took all of this in within seconds and moved quickly to take care of the zombie on top of the teen. To the teen there was just suddenly no longer a zombie over him. Castiel pulled the zombie away and chopped its head off quickly, turning to take care of nearby zombies. It was then that the rest of the group ran into the warehouse to join the fight. Garth ran over to the teen, making sure he was alright. Dean ran to help the woman, Charlie following behind him to watch his back. Benny heard a man shouting profanities and headed towards the shouting. Sam followed Benny, gesturing to Jo and Ellen. They nodded and continued watching the entryways while taking out any nearby zombies.

Finally, it was over. All the zombies had been taken care of, three survivors rescued. They had been too late to save the fourth survivor who now lay on the floor with very little left of his remains. The teen and the woman were fine, but the man had been bitten.

"Looks like it'll just be the two of you getting rescued." The man said with a British accent.

"Give me your arm…maybe I can heal it." Castiel offered holding out his hand. Everyone stared at him.

"You're an angel, aren't you? The other guy said he could only speak to Kevin here in his dream." The man said, gesturing towards the teen. He held his arm out to Castiel. The wound healed almost instantly but Castiel continued holding the arm, eyes closed making sure the infection was wiped out as well. Castiel winced, feeling sick suddenly. He opened his eyes and tried to hide the fact that something was wrong. The survivor was going to be fine at least.

"So some guy talks to you in a dream and you just go with it?" Dean asked disbelievingly.

"Says you. You're friends with an angel. You trust him." Kevin pointed out.

"It wasn't exactly a dream. More like a vision." The woman said. She smiled at the betrayed look on Kevin's face and turned her attention to the group of strangers. "I'm Jody."

"Jody, Kevin, and…." Jo asked, looking to the man with raised brows. He smiled and bowed slightly.

"Crowley." He looked away from the group to eye the remains of their fourth companion.

"I'm truly sorry about your friend…" Castiel's eyes were filled with sadness. Jody touched his arm lightly.

"It's not your fault, nor is it the other angel's. We made the mistake. We're just thankful that you showed up when you did." She assured him. He met her eyes and found comfort there.

"Poor bastard." Crowley murmured. He turned his attention back to the group. "So what the hell did you come out here for anyway?"

Everyone introduced themselves and Dean explained why they were out here, explained what they were planning. Crowley was shocked that they had found his truck in the parking lot and had hot-wired it. The three were eager to help get the fencing and get the hell out of here. They went next door to the warehouse with the fence materials and set to work. Every now and then Castiel would get this strange look on his face but he fought through it. No one seemed to notice but Dean. Everyone else was too focused on getting the fence or watching their backs. It was clear to Dean that Castiel wasn't feeling well and it most likely had to do with healing a zombie bite. He chose not to say anything, especially not in front of the others. With both the van and the truck loaded up, everyone piled into their vehicles and followed Dean back home. It started raining during the drive back.

Dean turned in his seat to look at the three in the backseat. Benny and Garth already had their hands on the door handles, ready to get out.

"Get everybody inside. The fence will be fine where it is. Need to get out of this rain." Dean said.

"You're not coming?" Charlie asked. She looked from Dean to Castiel and nodded in understanding. She shoved Garth until he got out of the car. Benny risked another glance at the angel, wondering if he was really alright. He caught Dean's eyes and smiled slightly before getting out of the car. Castiel moved to get out but Dean's hand on his arm stilled him.

"I'm fine, Dean. I just need to rest a bit." Castiel assured his friend.

"Cas… if there's anything I can do…" Dean looked away and frowned at himself. As though there was anything he could do to help an angel. Castiel leaned back against the seat and looked out at the rain.

"I can't believe you healed that guy's bite. It was…impressive." Dean smiled. Castiel smiled slightly in response.

"I know you're feeling sick, but I also know you'll get better. You always do." Dean sighed and looked out the window.

"Then why are you so worried about me?" Castiel asked.

"I want you to talk to me, Cas. Don't bottle things up, don't try to hide- not from me. I know that healing Crowley isn't the only thing wrong. You're feeling sick, but you're also blaming yourself for not being able to save the other guy." Dean slid his arm down Castiel's arm to take his hand.

"We were so close… and it's so rare for an angel in heaven to actually interfere in human lives. Gabriel risked so much to help them, to send them to us and…" Castiel looked down at Dean's hand in his and realized it was actually comforting. Who knew such a small gesture could really help? He took a deep breath and looked up to meet his friend's eyes.

"How come Gabriel didn't give you a heads up?" Dean asked. Castiel choked out a laugh and shook his head.

"He enjoys a surprise." Castiel squeezed Dean's hand.

"We should get out of here, getting a bit stuffy…" Dean smiled and tried to pull away. Castiel didn't want to let go of his hand.

"Can we stay a bit longer? I don't really feel like moving… or being around everyone right now." Castiel met Dean's eyes and frowned slightly, trying to read his friend's expression.

"Sure Cas." Dean turned his attention to the rain pouring over the windshield.

"Something's bothering you." Castiel pointed out.

"It's been a while since we've seen anyone actually get bitten. Crowley's lucky you were there before it got worse… When you cured him but started feeling sick yourself… I don't think I could go through that again." Dean laughed humorlessly. "I know you're an angel and everything. I shouldn't be so worried about you…"

"Dean…" Castiel couldn't find the words. Dean had sat in that room with him when they both thought he was going to turn into a zombie. He'd seen his friend hurt and dying. Watched him die. That just wouldn't go away. Of course this had brought back horrible memories for Dean. The two sat in silence for a moment.

"So, about last night…" Dean changed the subject. Castiel stared out at the rain, waiting for Dean to tell him he'd made a mistake. Blame it on the alcohol. Show regret.

"If you like me so much, why didn't you kiss me back?" Dean asked. This was so far from what Castiel was expecting. He had to see the expression on Dean's face. He seemed curious, maybe even a little confused.

"Because it would be foolish to take advantage of you." Castiel said.

"Dude, I didn't drink that much." Dean argued.

"Maybe not. However you were emotionally confused, you acted impulsively-" Castiel watched Dean's expression change.

"Okay, okay, maybe you're right. I'm just not used to feeling this…" Dean frowned at himself, realizing that he was yet again discussing his feelings. Maybe instead of talking to Castiel about his feelings towards him he could talk to someone else that could help him better understand them. But who the hell would he talk to? It was bad enough that someone other than himself was involved in this. There was no point bringing outsiders into their business. Of course, if Castiel was a woman this would all go much smoother. Dean was used to dealing with women. Though he'd never really had such feelings for a woman either. Not only was he having feelings for a man- which was not like himself- he was experiencing more profound feelings for the first time altogether. Had he been fooling himself all along? Maybe he never had been truly straight. He just never let himself think of a guy like this, had never let one get that close. He tried not to put too much thought into it. He couldn't suddenly be someone else, but the idea of being closer to Cas was certainly appealing.

"I'm feeling a bit better now." Castiel said softly, breaking through Dean's jumbled thoughts.

"Good…good… so do you wanna head inside?" Dean was a little spaced out. Castiel didn't answer him. Dean had been staring down at his lap absently, but at the continued silence he turned to study his friend's face. Dean could only describe the look on the angel's face as sad longing. It was something Dean had never seen on anyone's face, especially not Castiel's. The angel blinked and it was gone. Had he been schooling his face this whole time? How much had he been holding in? He was probably worried that Dean would freak out if he showed too many emotions, if he showed anything beyond friendship. Dean vaguely wondered if anything too revealing ever showed on his own face. He'd never really thought about it. Castiel pulled his hand away from Dean and looked towards the house.

"The others are probably waiting on us." Castiel said, pushing the door open. He got out of the car but stood outside in the rain, waiting for Dean to join him. Dean sighed as he got out of the car and walked quickly up to the house with Castiel following behind him.

The others were not waiting for them as it turned out, not anymore. After waiting for a few moments they gave up waiting and began making introductions without them. It was beginning to get dark outside and everyone was tired after the day they had. Meg and Jo gave up their beds so that Crowley and Jody could get some much needed rest. Kevin had fallen asleep in Dean's bed shortly after finishing the introductions. Benny sat on his couch with Garth and Charlie. Meg and Jo sat on the other couch. Sam had the recliner to himself. They were talking in hushed tones despite the fact that Kevin was deep asleep and it was unlikely that anything would awaken him. When Dean and Castiel came inside they were a bit surprised to find so few of the group still hanging around.

"Ash is on watch. Everyone else went to sleep." Sam informed his brother.

"How ya feelin' angel?" Benny asked.

"Oh, you know. Bit hungry." Dean answered jokingly. Jo moved over to make room for Castiel on the couch. He slumped down and looked across at Benny.

"Better now. Just need to rest for a while longer." Castiel answered. Dean headed to the kitchen to look for something to eat.

"I can't believe you healed Crowley." Jo said incredulously. The others made noises of agreement.

"Getting bitten isn't a death sentence anymore." Sam pointed out.

"I wouldn't risk it…" Castiel smiled, hoping that the others would still continue to be as careful as always.

"Of course, right. No I mean… it's not like we would throw caution to the wind or anything." Sam said, a bit embarrassed.

"I can't believe there are so many of us here now." Meg smiled.

"Yea, we definitely need more room now. But the more people we have the sooner that fence is gonna get put up." Garth grinned at the others. They nodded. Dean came back from the kitchen with a bag of chips. He offered some to the others but everyone declined. He shrugged and leaned against the wall, eating the chips alone.

"How's the kid?" Dean asked, gesturing towards Kevin.

"He's only a year younger than me." Jo frowned. Dean shrugged and smiled, his eyes conveying that he thought she was a kid too.

"They were all pretty exhausted. Sounds like they drove for quite a while with no sleep to meet up with us." Charlie looked over at the sleeping teen sympathetically.

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I'm feeling exhausted myself." Dean returned the chips to the kitchen and came back to find the others standing awkwardly, everyone questioning their sleeping arrangements.

"I'm fine on the recliner, if someone else wants to sleep on the couch." Dean offered.

"I'm fine on my cot." Garth smiled.

"I'll take the couch." Charlie looked around to see if anyone objected. No one did. Sam got to keep his bed because the cots weren't exactly big enough for him. Jo took the last bed and Meg took the other cot.

"What about Castiel and Ash?" Sam asked.

"I'll go join Ash on watch. As long as I don't have to use much energy I'll be fine." Castiel assured them.

"I'll take second watch, if that's alright with everyone. Then Ash and I can switch places." Benny offered. Everyone was in agreement so they all said their goodnights and headed in their separate directions.

"I'll tell Ash you're taking second watch." Castiel told Benny before heading upstairs. Benny smiled and nodded. Dean practically collapsed into the recliner and leaned it back as far as it would go, kicking his shoes off as an afterthought.

"You know… if Castiel is going to be on watch anyway, why does someone else need to be up there?" Charlie asked as she lay down on the couch. Dean was already asleep.

"I was just trying to offer up my couch." Benny laughed. "But the others still go on watch anyway for the most part, angel or not."

"I guess. Habit, right?" Charlie yawned.  
~*~

Castiel sat with Ash, watching the zombies struggling on the pikes. His mind was filled with thoughts of Dean. He couldn't help but wonder if it was actually possible for Dean to have feelings for him. Dean had kissed him! But what if that was all he ever got; just a one-sided, chaste kiss? As much as he wanted to believe that Dean had feelings for him, he worried that something would scare Dean away. If Dean was the one to initiate the kiss and Castiel kept his distance then Dean could laugh it off as a mistake. If Castiel kissed Dean, it would become Castiel's fault. But what if it did work out? What if returning Dean's affections were just what Dean needed to better understand his feelings and accept them? Frustrated from overthinking things, Castiel decided to go roam the halls. Something he found that he liked to do while the others were sleeping. He knew they would be safe within the house, but he liked to assure himself that everyone was sleeping peacefully. Truth be told he rarely ventured in any of the bedrooms, he respected their privacy and was especially cautious of Bobby's room. He definitely did not want to see or hear anything inappropriate from those two. The only person he got close to was, of course, Dean. With the living room full of people tonight, that meant watching over the others as well. Charlie was curled in the fetal position smiling in her sleep, clearly having good dreams. Kevin was still fast asleep, barely visible hidden beneath the blanket. Benny was snoring softly stretched out on the couch, at peace in his sleep. Finally, Castiel turned to Dean. He was frowning. Castiel's hand seemed to move on its own to smooth gently across Dean's forehead easing the frown lines away. Castiel traced along the side of his friend's face, enjoying how the frown melted away and Dean leaned ever so slightly into the touch. He made himself move away, feeling a bit guilty for touching the man in his sleep. Practically throwing himself out of the room, he landed with ease in the chair beside Ash. The blonde offered him a beer without looking at him and smiled.


	11. Jody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a backstory, Jody-centric.

Jody sat at the kitchen table, huddled over a mug of coffee. She could hear the news in the living room, the volume turned up too loud. The sound of another beer being opened could somehow be heard clearly despite the tv. Jody sighed and stared down into her coffee wondering if she should try to talk to her husband about his drinking problem yet again. Jake had been going on about zombie attacks that had apparently been reported on the news. As though zombies were real. Sheriff Jody Mills had seen the real monsters, and they weren't zombies. Because even the idea of zombies was ridiculous. Stupid horror movie crap. Ever since Jake had lost his job at the construction company he'd been staying home, watching the news obsessively. And drinking. Someone was pounding on the front door. Jody looked in the direction the sound was coming from but made no move to answer it. Chances were, Jake's friend and neighbor Gordon was coming to rave about whatever exciting thing had happened on the news today. She could hear Jake grumbling something about why he had to answer the damn door, but chose to ignore him. She returned her attention to the coffee, eyes closing in satisfaction as the dark elixir warmed her, soothed her. There were voices at the door, talking loud and fast. Possibly frantic.

"Jody! It's happening. I fuckin' told ya." Gordon pushed his way into the kitchen so he could tell her to her face. Jody frowned up at him, fantasizing about arresting him for disturbing her so early in the morning- interrupting her coffee.

"Told me what, Gordon?" Jody asked in annoyance.

"Zombies at the hospital." Gordon looked at her as though she should already know this. She opened her mouth to tell him how ridiculous this was getting but before she could say anything a high pitched scream rang out outside. Jody jumped up and ran out the front door, Gordon following. Jake stood at the bottom of the steps, staring down the road at a young girl struggling against an older man. Their neighbors had ventured out as well, some were shouting at the man to let her go. It took Jody a moment to realize the girl was bleeding. There seemed to be blood covering her right arm. A closer neighbor ran towards them and pulled the man away from the girl. Everyone watched in confusion as the attacker turned on their neighbor and bit deeply into his forearm. Now the girl's savior cried out, tried to push the attacker away, calling out for help. Jody ran towards the action, pulling out her gun.

"Alright buddy! Police! Let that man go! On your knees!" Jody called out. The man was unfazed. He went in for another bite, the victim screamed struggling uselessly against the unyielding hands that pulled him close. There was so much blood. Jody took a deep breath and shot the attacker in the side, unable to get a clean shot anywhere else. The attacker was still unaffected. Jody shot him again. There was someone beside her now. They held out a gun and shot the attacker in the head. He fell and a couple neighbors ran out to check on the victim. Jody turned to see that it was Gordon who had made the shot.

"What the hell Gordon? You can't just—" Jody was ignored. Gordon walked over to the victim.

"He's been infected. We have to take him out too." Gordon said, pointing the gun at the man's head. There was now a crowd standing in the street. Everyone was arguing, asking what the hell had just happened, others talked of zombies. Down the street there were more screams. Jody moved forward to insist that Gordo put his gun away, but it was too late. The shot rang out, the bullet punching a hole right between the man's pleading eyes.

"Holy shit." Jake stood beside her, staring down the road.

"They're coming from down town!" Someone shouted, running down the road towards Jody.

"We need to get the fuck out of here." Gordon said, turning to fact the others.

"And go where?" Jody snapped. There were people being attacked down the road from them.

"I have to help those people." Jody shook herself and headed down the street. Gordon stopped her, his hand grabbing her upper arm a bit too tight.

"There's no saving them, Jody." Gordon growled at her. She frowned at him.

"What do you mean? I don't know what the hell is going on here but-" Gordon looked past her and nodded. Suddenly everything went black.

Jody had woken up in the backseat of Gordon's car in a town she didn't recognize. They had taken her gun in anticipation of her waking up angry. They argued for a good while until they pulled into someone's driveway. Gordon announced that they were here to meet up with one of his good friends. He insisted Jody get out and follow him inside. Jake looked back at her strangely. She would later understand that he was excited and worried about her reaction at the same time. Gordon's friend Zack led them down to the basement, going on about how he'd chained his neighbor up shortly after he was bitten. Jody stared at the man, wondering if all of Gordon's friends were crazy. The man held captive was clearly sick and injured. He was frightened and kept begging Zack to let him go.

"Told ya man. It's too damn late for you." Zack told his neighbor. "Killed the son-of-a-bitch that bit him, but was too late. Brought him down here to see how long it takes."

"You knew he had a guy held captive in his basement?" Jody asked her husband and his friend. Gordon rolled his eyes.

"Why do you think we brought you here?" He asked. The man in chains coughed and cried a bit.

"This is stupid. You're all crazy. Let this poor man go." Jody began to approach the man.

"Whoa, there cupcake." The owner of the house held out his arm to stop her from getting too close.

"She needs to see this or she won't believe it." Jake told the others. Zack nodded and looked around for something to use to keep her still. Gordon and Jake moved together to handcuff her hands behind her back.

"This isn't funny, Jake. Let me out of these, right now." Jody turned to frown at him. He shook his head.

"You have to believe us, Jodes." He told her, his breath still smelling of alcohol. She closed her eyes and started counting slowly to ten.

"Look, look. I think it's gonna be happening soon." Zack said excitedly. Jody opened her eyes and looked with the others. The man they'd held captive had slumped over in the chains, silent, possibly dead. Her heart was beating furiously. Had they really chained a man up and let him bleed to death? What the hell was happening here? She looked around at the others. They were crazy. They were all crazy and now she was held captive too. They stood there in silence for a few moments, long enough that the men looked around at each other. Gordon whispered furiously to Zack, questioning whether he'd known for sure this man was infected. The chains rattled, pulling their attention back to the captive. He made some sort of gasping noise and struggled against the chains. Jody asked if he was okay and he lunged towards the sound of her voice, despite the chains holding him back. When the man looked up at them his eyes were clouded over with death, blood drooling out of his mouth. He gnashed his teeth at them, hungry for a bit of fresh human. Jody stared at him in horror as Zack elbowed Gordon happily. It'd been two hours since the man had been bitten. And now he was dead.

Now he was a zombie.

Zombies were fucking real.

The world swirled into blackness and when Jody opened her eyes again she was embarrassed that she'd fainted at her earlier realization. She was the only woman around, she was supposed to be stronger than this, damn it. Thankfully the handcuffs had been removed. She now lay on the couch in Zack's living room. The men were talking excitedly in the kitchen, no doubt over a couple beers. Jake came to check on her and smiled when he found her awake.

"So…Zombies…" Jody said, sitting up to try to come to grips with all this.

"We're going to be fine. Just have to get away from large populations and stick it out until the frickin army or whatever takes care of it." Jake said.

"Yea. Zack here has a plan. A safe house." Gordon smiled. Zack nodded.

Jody still thought they were all crazy, but she went with it. They never made it to Zack's safe house. The men were too cocky. When they'd stopped for supplies on the way to Zack's new place he was attacked, his throat ripped out before they could get to him. From then on it was just a matter of gathering supplies and trying to find a safe place on their own. Jake wouldn't stop drinking, which had begun to infuriate Gordon. Times were changing, they couldn't afford to be drunk in case they ran into danger. The two friends had gotten into a fight about it and the next day Jake had been attacked by zombies. Apparently Gordon hadn't been able to save him. Jody suspected that Gordon had let his friend be killed to save himself. His eyes challenged her to call him out on it. She didn't know what to do. It wasn't like she wanted to continue on her own, so she'd left it alone. Had continued on as though nothing had happened.

She was relieved when they'd run into other survivors. A British man and an Asian teen driving a big black truck. Gordon wasn't very impressed with them, but he did like the truck. Crowley and Kevin were both intelligent, quite a change from the rednecks she'd been with since this thing had started. She warned them about Gordon. It didn't seem likely that he would let the two men go without taking it personally, so they were forced to stay. After a couple weeks of Gordon getting them into dangerous situations and treating them like they were beneath him, they started discussing running away together. The three of them. They had no idea where they would go and Jody had a sinking feeling that wherever they went Gordon would follow. Then Kevin had a vision. It was hard for Jody to watch, she held onto the teen hoping he would be alright. He seemed to be having some horrible headache. When he calmed down he'd told her everything, waiting for her to call him insane. But she had felt a spark of hope, of faith and had pulled Crowley aside. Whenever she wanted to talk to the British man alone they just pretended they were going to make out or something. Gordon always rolled his eyes but stayed out of it. She urged Crowley to listen, to believe. Of course he'd looked at her like she was insane, throwing a glance to the teen. It was like he expected to be let in on the joke. Jody had turned his face back to hers.

"Maybe you don't believe, but I do. And Kevin does. And what other options do we have?" Jody pleaded with him. She smiled sadly and he sighed. Sometimes he would look at her a little too intensely, as though he could see right through her. He always found something positive in her eyes, however so it didn't bother her anymore. Whatever he found in her eyes always worked out in her favor. He kissed her hand, removing it from his face. She hadn't even realized she was still touching him. Blushing slightly, Jody stood and went off on her own, knowing Kevin would follow.

"Jody…in the vision, Gordon was there. And he was mad at us for running off without him." Kevin whispered. Jody raised her brows at him, waiting on him to continue. By the look on his face, it got worse than that. "He kills Crowley, the other group shows up as I'm surrounded by zombies… There was an angel's voice telling me that it didn't have to be that way. He said his name was Gabriel and if we got to the warehouse his brother would protect us from Gordon."

"So we have to tell him about it?" Jody groaned. How the hell were they going to get Gordon to go along with this? They sulked, trying to come up with some sort of game plan. Jody kept finding herself staring at Crowley. She'd become quite attached to the guy, Kevin too. They were her friends, whereas Gordon was as much of an enemy as the zombies. She couldn't just shoot him, as much as a voice in the back of her head urged her to. . Later when Crowley asked how they were supposed to get away from Gordon successfully he didn't understand Jody's reaction, her insistence that they find a way to convince Gordon to go with them. Crowley had winked at her and assured her he would make it happen. He had sat with Gordon, waxing poetic about this warehouse he owned that would be a great place to restock their weapons and maybe even hole up for a while. He was a brilliant conman and managed to get the other man to agree. It wasn't like Gordon had plans anyway.

When Gordon announced where they were going next Jody and Kevin looked at Crowley with wide disbelieving eyes. He simply smiled at them. The plan was that Kevin would give the directions because his dad had worked there and Crowley couldn't give the directions because he was horrible at it. Gordon bought it, excited about the weapons that Crowley had promised him. Jody couldn't help but worry about how Gordon would react if they got there only to find there were no weapons. None of them knew what kind of warehouse they were going to. Everyone was too stressed about the situation to sleep, Gordon too eager to get to the weapons to stop along the way.

The warehouse, as it turned out was full of seemingly pointless junk. Different types of wood and other building materials. Gordon's smile had faded upon entering the warehouse. They had been attacked almost immediately by a couple zombies that had been trying to get out. Gordon took them out and turned to Crowley with his gun pointed straight at his face. Kevin and Jody cried out, moving to try to reason with the gunman. Kevin looked around frantically for any signs of the group they were supposed to be meeting up with but there were only more zombies coming out of hiding within the warehouse. Gordon shut the door behind them and turned crazed eyes to Jody.

"You and the boy spread out and find me some kind of damn weapons or I'm blowing his brains out." Gordon pressed the gun against Crowley's head to emphasize the point. Crowley winced slightly and glanced at the others.

"Gordon! It was a mistake. We must've went to the wrong warehouse." Jody pleaded.

"Find. Me. Something. Or I shoot him." Gordon growled. Jody and Kevin looked around frantically and decided to split up. There was a small office area that might have some sort of weapon. Jody made a run for it, taking out a few zombies on the way. Kevin found a desk on the other side of the room and began digging through the drawers. He shouted out when he found a shotgun under the desk. Gordon perked up. While Kevin was fighting off a couple zombies Gordon knocked Crowley out with the butt of his gun and shoved him down one of the aisles. He moved quickly to help Kevin so that he could get the shotgun.

"Where's Crowley?" Jody yelled. She'd climbed to higher ground to escape a group of zombies.

"Probably hiding." Gordon laughed and held the shotgun lovingly. Jody turned her gun on him. Gordon pulled Kevin towards himself, disarmed him and threw him towards a group of zombies. Jody tried to take out some of the zombies but she just didn't have enough ammo. Not allowing herself to overthink the consequences she turned her gun back to Gordon and shot him right in the chest. He looked up at her in surprise and fell to the ground. The nearby zombies were attracted by the smell of blood and descended upon the man. Ripping and tearing his flesh. Jody stared in horror, her eyes pulled away from the carnage to make sure Kevin was okay. They fought for their lives for a moment before the door was opened and they were saved by the group they'd almost died to meet.


	12. Chapter 12

The construction of the fence had begun early in the morning and was carrying on into the afternoon. Everyone was participating in hopes of finishing the job as quickly as possible. They needed people working on the fence while others kept an eye out for zombies and fought them off. A small group consisting of Sam, Jo, Kevin and Charlie set about placing the pikes and mapping out the perimeter. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. They would need to go back to the warehouse for more fencing, but they were making good progress. Jody was thankful they had ended up with such a nice group of people. The events at the warehouse had begun to weigh on her, so she confessed to Castiel that she had killed Gordon. Crowley hadn't realized that was what had happened so he was just as surprised as the others had been. He stood up for her, pointing out that Gordon had been a horrible person who had held a gun to his head.

"You did what you had to. Sounds like he would've killed all of you." Bobby piped in. The others agreed.

"Knowing Gabriel, he was probably counting on something like that to happen. Though I imagine he thought it would be one of us to do the shooting." Castiel assured her.

"Wouldn't be the first crazy human we've come across." Benny glanced at Castiel. The angel sighed.

"Unfortunately, the zombies aren't the only monsters." Castiel agreed.

They had done as much work with the fence as they could so they began piling up zombies and burning their remains. Dean was attempting to get to know the new additions to the group, he laughed at some joke Kevin made and the others were pulled into laughter as well. He had that effect on people. Everyone was attempting to lighten the mood so they went around telling silly stories, sharing the lamest jokes they had heard. Castiel broke away from the group to be alone on the roof so he could attempt to talk to Gabriel. There was no response. The other angels didn't want to talk to him either. It wasn't a good sign.

Dean volunteered to be on watch, giving up his bed to Kevin again. Benny decided to give the recliner a try. Crowley surprised Dean by asking if he could join him on watch. They found they got along well, but spent the majority of their time together on watch in comfortable silence. Crowley startled a bit when Castiel suddenly appeared, but Dean was used to it by now.

"Talk to Gabriel?" Dean asked. Castiel sighed and glanced at Crowley.

"No…I…I think he's in trouble." He frowned slightly.

"For helping us?" Crowley asked. Castiel looked from one man to the other.

"It's what we do. Risk ourselves to save others. I imagine he's quite proud of himself." Castiel smiled reassuringly at Crowley. They sat in silence again, letting this sink in. Dean looked out over the yard, focusing on his task of keeping watch. Crowley looked to the angel, intending to ask him some silly question about angels but the look on Castiel's face stopped him. He was staring at Dean as though he wanted to say something but couldn't. Crowley assumed it was because he was there so he excused himself and let them have their privacy. Dean looked back at Crowley's retreating form. He turned his attention to Castiel, wondering why the other man had left suddenly. The angel looked like he was trying to decide if he should leave as well.

"What the hell did I do?" Dean frowned. Castiel cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"Crowley runs off and now it looks like you're about to do the same." Dean pointed out he stood and moved to stand beside his friend. Castiel leaned against the balcony railing, looking out into the night.

"I apologize, Dean…I…" Castiel frowned at himself trying to find the right words.

"You didn't want to be alone with me." Dean managed to sound both amused and offended. Castiel glanced at his friend.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship. I also don't want to hear you say you were wrong about your feelings. It would probably be best if I gave you space…" Castiel looked out at the fence.

"Cas, it's not like that. Just because I've never felt this way doesn't mean…Ugh, here I am talking about my feelings again. I swear man, I only go through this shit with you. Is it really not obvious how I feel? I feel like you'd be able to tell just from looking at me. Hell you can see my soul…" Dean grumbled. Castiel looked over his friend, and smiled at the expression on Dean's face. He'd never seen anyone with so many crazy facial expressions before. Seeing Castiel smile made Dean smile. They stared at each other for a moment, trying to read one another. Their proximity and the intimacy of eye contact reminded them both of the kiss. Dean leaned closer to his friend.

"Kiss me back this time." He demanded. Castiel wondered briefly if he should move away, not let this happen again, but he badly wanted it. If Dean wanted to kiss him, then who was he to stop him. Dean maintained eye contact, his hand on the back of Castiel's head, fingers sliding through his hair. It was as though he was afraid the angel was going to leave him. Castiel remained still for a moment as Dean's lips touched his and Dean felt disappointment briefly before Castiel's lips moved against his. He smiled against Castiel's lips as their positions changed slightly, Castiel pressing Dean back against the railing. Castiel's hands seemed to move on their own, one hand on Dean's hip the other lightly caressing Dean's jawline. It had been a while since Dean had been this intimate with anyone, and it had never been anything like this. Kissing someone so important to him was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. He'd known from the first time their lips had touched that he would become addicted and he'd been right. Especially now that Castiel was kissing him back, touching him.

He was hungry for more, wanted Cas to stop holding back. He felt a bit pathetic for even thinking it, but he wanted to feel loved. He wanted to be showered-no smothered- with the love that Castiel had professed for him. Feeling a bit hesitant, Dean teased Castiel's pink lips with his tongue. He wasn't sure how the angel would respond so he was pleasantly surprised when Castiel's tongue met his. His heart fucking fluttered in excitement. Dean pulled his friend closer, deepening the kiss, loving the way Castiel groaned as though this was almost too much to handle. Dean was reminded that Castiel had never kissed anyone before him. All of this was new to him. There was still a part of Dean that couldn't believe he was kissing a guy. He kept making little comparisons to his past experience and was glad that Castiel had nothing to compare him to. He was so possessive of the angel, so greedy. When Castiel began to pull away Dean told himself not to be disappointed. He didn't want to stop but it wasn't like they could continue forever. Castiel gave Dean a soft kiss on the lips before pulling away just enough so they could see each other.

Castiel wasn't sure what he meant to say or do once he pulled away from Dean. All he knew was that he had pulled away and Dean was now giving him this needy, wanton, look. It was something that Castiel hadn't expected to see directed at himself, especially by Dean. It was intriguing. Exciting. There was some reason Castiel was supposed to be controlling himself but he couldn't quite seem to remember it now. Dean's expression changed slightly, to a look of confusion. A question there in his eyes. He seemed hesitant to be the one to break the silence, waiting instead on Castiel to explain why he had pulled away. Dean wanted this, right? He wanted to be close to Castiel. He wanted to kiss him. Castiel didn't want to get his hopes up, but Dean had been looking at him differently lately. Perhaps it wasn't so crazy to believe that Dean could have feelings for him. While Castiel was still lost in thought, Dean pulled the angel close once more. Their lips met softly, Castiel's mind going momentarily blank once again. This time Dean pulled away with a smirk and gently pushed Castiel back so that he could stand beside the angel, no longer pressed back against the balcony railing. Castiel licked his tingling lips and glanced sideways at his friend. Dean was smiling as he stared out at the yard.

"I remember wondering what the appeal was in kissing, as an angel it just seemed so ridiculous. Humans pressing their faces together… Then as a human I always wanted someone I could be that close with…" Castiel confessed in a soft voice. Dean's eyes moved to the angel's lips, watching his tongue dart out to chase the fleeting sensations. He blinked and met the angel's blue eyes.

"And now?" He teased. Castiel smiled and turned away slightly.

"It's…enjoyable…" Castiel admitted. Dean grinned and couldn't take his eyes off the other man. He'd never thought another man could be adorable before, but here he was thinking just that. Castiel turned his attention back to Dean hesitantly, feeling slightly embarrassed. There was a softness in Dean's eyes that Castiel had noticed before but never put too much thought into. Was that look only directed at Castiel? A zombie groaned particularly loud, drawing their attention away momentarily. It seemed like they were only standing there for a few moments but suddenly Ash was announcing his presence as he collapsed into one of the chairs. The two men turned and stared at him in confusion, wondering why he was showing up so early for his shift.

"Your shift's over Dean. Anything interesting happen?" Ash yawned and looked from one man to the other.

"Uh, no… Same ol' zombie crap… Guess I'll head in then." Dean answered, suddenly feeling tired. He stretched and turned to glance at Castiel. The angel was biting his lower lip slightly and appeared to be trying not to frown.

"Did I interrupt something?" Ash asked fighting not to smile and failing. Dean's eyebrows rose questioningly before he realized what Ash was implying and he had to look back at Castiel. They had spent the majority of their time in companionable silence, occasionally making comments about the zombies and the fence. Had Cas been about to say or do something interesting before Ash had come outside? Dean schooled his face, deciding it was none of anyone's business what might be going on with him and Cas. Ash was looking from one man to the other with sparkly eyes at this point. Dean rolled his eyes and bid the two friends goodnight as he headed back inside. He had to sleep on a slightly uncomfortable cot tonight, not that he was going to be getting any sleep anytime soon.

"You could always go after him." Ash pointed out to Castiel. The angel cocked his head to the side, frowning slightly. He was either wondering what Ash was talking about or wondering how he knew. Ash took it to be the latter. He smiled.

"I think I'll try to contact Gabriel." Castiel decided and flew to the roof. Ash shook his head. He knew the angel seemed to be incapable of lying but part of him toyed with the idea of the angel lying out of embarrassment to cover the fact that he was actually going to Dean.

There was no response from any of the angels. No one seemed to want to talk to Castiel, not even Gabriel. But for all Castiel knew Gabriel could be getting punished. He thought about attempting to go to Heaven but knew the consequences of trying to enter when he was forbidden. He shuddered and found himself thinking instead about Dean. There was no way he could risk leaving the man. He wouldn't put his friend through that pain again. He sat on the roof, under the stars, wondering if Dean was already asleep. He briefly considered flitting down to see him, to watch over him, but he decided against it. Instead Castiel sat on the roof remembering the feel of Dean's body against his, of their lips pressed together. He shuddered at the sense memory of their tongues invading one another's mouths. Paired with the physical feelings, were the memory of Dean's happy face, of the tender look in his eyes. Castiel smiled and wondered if he would get to experience it all again soon. He sure hoped so.


	13. Cole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small time-jump here, just for this chapter. Thought it would be fun to give a sneak-peak before going back to the normal flow of things.

There were too many zombies. He knew that. But he had to leave. He had to get away from those angels, away from those people. They were all friends and he was just an outsider. He didn't belong with anyone. He didn't need their help anyway, he'd been just fine on his own before that angel had shown up. How ridiculous was it anyway that the world was being destroyed by zombies and angels had come down to lend their help. Not that many angels had come to help. No. From what the angels had said, it was just the two of them. What if the man upstairs changed his mind about letting the angels help them? He could just as easily force them to retreat or command them to kill the humans. No, Cole didn't trust the angels. He didn't trust the too happy group of people that lived with the angels and he didn't trust god. It was god that had unleashed this madness upon them. God that had saw fit to kill countless humans. To kill Maggie… and Clara…Something rattled downstairs and Cole quickly collected himself. This was no time to be lost in his thoughts. He couldn't allow himself to think about his family. They were gone now and crying wouldn't bring them back. He held his machete tightly and made his way for the stairs.

"Cole, what the shit man? Why'd you run off?" A familiar voice asked from downstairs. Cole frowned down at the other man. He hadn't been listening very well during the introductions, too lost in his own thoughts. However, he was fairly certain he remembered this man's name.

"Dean? How'd you find me?" Cole asked, looking around for signs of any of the others. Dean rolled his eyes and headed for the stairs. Apparently he realized that Cole wasn't coming downstairs anytime soon.

"I've got friends in high places man. He's gone now. Just us. So we can talk." Dean reached the top of the stairs, his green eyes intense. He seemed to be able to see inside Cole, right past the wall he kept up at all times. It was unnerving. "So why'd you run off?"

"Not exactly my scene." Cole forced himself to look away from those grass green eyes.

"The hell does that mean?" Dean asked with a slight growl to his voice.

"Look man, I've been doing just fine on my own." Cole sighed and glanced at the other man. Dean was looking at him with a look of pity that soon became annoyance.

"I know it's overwhelming at first but we're working on giving everyone enough space. Besides, the alone time isn't all it's cracked up to be. Too much time to think, to remember…" Dean licked his lips and blinked his eyes a few times. When he focused on Cole again his expression had softened, making him appear much kinder. "No one is going to force you to stay with us. But I can't just let you run off and do something stupid, man."

"Something stupid?" Cole asked, feeling the anger boiling inside of him again. Dean held his hands up in mock surrender.

"I've always been pretty good at reading people. And you…" Dean hesitated.

"So what? So what if I'm easy to read… Anyone that thinks they can really survive this is stupid. And you people trusting those angels. As though they don't work for the one that forced all of this upon us." Cole gestured out vaguely. Dean sighed and shook his head.

"Nothing is that simple…" Dean tried to think of a way to explain things to Cole. A noise downstairs

pulled their attention from one another. "Ah shit. I probably should've let Cas stay."

An unmistakable zombie groan was heard from down the hall. There were zombies downstairs, knocking things over, shuffling towards the stairs. And now a zombie was coming from one of the bedrooms. Dean pulled out his sword and glanced at Cole.

"You didn't clear the house first?" Dean asked, clearly disappointed with Cole.

"Thought I'd gotten lucky. I banged around and nothing came running out." Cole admitted, embarrassed and grumpy. Dean rolled his eyes and focused on the zombie closest to them.

"Alright. It's fine, there's not that many of them. We can take 'em. But after this we're talking about the zombie rules." Dean said as he chopped the zombie upstairs' head off.

"Zombie rules?" Cole frowned.

"Yea. Things I feel you should already know since you've been by yourself for so long." Dean turned to look straight into Cole's eyes again and there was that feeling of soul-searching. As though Dean saw more than he should be able to.

"I don't need a lecture Dean." Cole cut a zombie's head off at the top of the stairs, kicking the body back onto the other zombies.

"Then what do you need?" Dean asked. When Cole turned to glance at the older man he was closer than Cole expected. He had to quickly look away, focus on the task at hand. They fought off a couple more zombies.

"I need to be left the hell alone." Cole grumbled. His machete was embedded in the skull of a zombie at the top of the stairs. Sometimes he wanted to just hack at the things, take out this pent up anger. He struggled to pull the blade out and another zombie reached out for him. It latched onto his arm, pulling him downwards. Dean stepped in, killing the zombie on Cole's arm. Cole managed to get his blade free and kicked the zombie down the stairs. There were only two more zombies after that, which were dispatched quickly. Dean turned immediately to Cole as the last zombie was killed. He pulled the younger man's arm close to inspect it for injury but continued holding the arm after he'd found nothing. Cole was confused by the action and just stood there stupidly looking down at his arm in Dean's hands.

"You don't want to die, but you don't want to live either. I get it man. Shit got weird, confusing. But you have to keep going. You don't have to do it alone. You don't need to punish yourself." Dean's voice softened at the end. Cole wasn't sure what it was, maybe the sudden adrenaline rush, maybe the fact that someone saw through him so easily… Whatever it was he broke. He didn't even realize he'd begun to cry until he blinked up at Dean's face and realized everything had gotten blurry. He panicked for a moment, realizing he was just standing there crying in front of a stranger, but Dean clapped a hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. Why did Dean even care about him? They had barely spoken more than two words to each other. Suddenly overcome with exhaustion and emotion, Cole found himself leaning into Dean. His head came to rest on Dean's shoulder, his free hand coming up to grab a fistful of Dean's leather jacket. Dean was startled but remained still, letting the other man seek comfort he would probably refuse to admit he needed.

Dean waited until Cole moved away from him, wiping his face grumpily. Dean smiled gently at the defiant look on Cole's face and ruffled his hair playfully. The unexpected gesture confused Cole and he found himself unable to be angry with the other man.

"Come on. Social anxiety and friends await." Dean grinned. Cole hesitated. There was a strange stirring of hope in his chest. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He could have a friend in this outgoing older man. This handsome man with the greenest eyes Cole had ever seen. He felt that he could actually trust this man. Dean headed down the stairs, glancing back after a few stairs to wink back at Cole. He found himself fighting back a blush and felt stupid for blushing at such a silly thing. Dean didn't seem to notice, he simply smiled wider when Cole began following him down the stairs.


	14. Scars

Dean was sitting on the porch listening to Jody tell a story from her days as a sheriff. She had his full attention and was enjoying it. He was a good listener and showed that he was actually interested in what she had to say. It was easy to get carried away talking about the past with Dean. He was just young enough to look up to her, yet old enough to understand everything she was talking about. Crowley stood off to the side half listening to Kevin and Ash talking about plans for the perimeter. He hadn't known Jody very long but it made him happy to see her so at ease here with this new group. She had seemed a bit defeated with Gordon. It was clear to see that she was a smart feisty female but Gordon had made that seem like a bad thing. Here, everyone was accepted. It was refreshing. The plans to expand the perimeter and secure more houses was enough to occupy everyone's time. There was going to be a better future, something to work towards. Unlike before where you just found camp somewhere and hoped for the best. Dean said something that Crowley couldn't hear and Jody laughed loudly with her head thrown back. She clapped her hand over her mouth in surprise and embarrassment looking around with wide eyes. It made Dean grin and Crowley found himself smiling as well.

Castiel appeared suddenly out by a pile of burning zombies. Bobby jumped slightly and slapped the angel on the shoulder. The angel cocked his head to the side in confusion for a moment which caused Bobby to roll his eyes and shake his head dismissively. Benny laughed and joked about Bobby having a heart attack. Everyone had worked hard all day, it was nice to just spread out and take care of any necessary tasks while chatting with a couple group members. There was already quite a few of them here and there was talk of adding more. Crowley turned his attention back to Jody and Dean to find that Dean was staring out at the group burning zombies with a thoughtful expression on his face. Jody turned her attention to Crowley and smiled. She patted Dean on the knee before getting up to join Crowley instead. Dean blinked up at her in confusion, looking from Jody to Crowley before turning his attention back to the other group.

"How come you've never shared such interesting stories with me?" Crowley teased. Jody smiled.

"Never really got around to it." She studied his face for a moment. He blinked at her wondering what she could possibly be thinking with that look on her face.

"Did you ever think we'd end up here?" She asked after a moment.

"Well to be honest I was fairly certain we were both going to be painfully killed. Eaten alive most likely. Actually I came pretty close." Crowley smiled, his eyes searching out the angel once again. Charlie had joined the group at the fire and was talking animatedly but Castiel was distracted. His eyes were all for the zombies. They seemed to be a countless number of zombies day after day. The sound of Dean's laughter pulled the angel's attention in his direction. Crowley found himself curious as well. The two Winchester brothers were sitting together on the porch, Sam's eyes sparkling as he recounted a ridiculous story from Before. Jody leaned in closer to speak lowly to Crowley. He swallowed thickly, attempting to swallow his pulse.

"Everyone seems so happy." Jody smiled. Crowley nodded, not able to find words at the moment. Garth had grouped up with Jo and Meg. He was trying to teach them meditation techniques. From the look of it he was developing quite the crush on Meg. She seemed to be aware of it and enjoying it. Seeing this reminded him of something he'd thought about earlier. Bobby had Ellen, but so far everyone else seemed to be single. Benny flirted with everyone casually, and Dean seemed to have his own personal angel but so far everyone else was just focused on surviving. It was fairly relaxing, no pressure to couple up. Charlie was a lesbian but the only girl that swung that way was interested in a guy. It was an interesting group. Kevin left Ash to go join the others at the burning pile of zombies.

"I find it hard to imagine Gordon here." Crowley said thoughtfully. Jody laughed in agreement.

"There's so many survivors here. It's nice. Doesn't feel so hopeless." She sighed and looked out over the others. Crowley took the opportunity to study her happy face. She was a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman. Sure they had felt close before, especially with the times they'd faked a relationship to fool Gordon, but now there was nothing keeping her with him. There were plenty of attractive men here and Jody deserved the best. She turned her attention back to him and frowned slightly.

"You know, I never asked… What was your husband like?" Crowley asked. Jody laughed as though he'd just asked the most ridiculous thing.

"Well he was good friends with Gordon." Jody reminded him. She sighed and shook her head.

"Everything used to be so different, before all the drinking. Before I knew it he was hardly ever sober. He'd had an accident at work, got fired and just turned to drinking…" Jody frowned out at nothing. Crowley couldn't think of anything to say. He looked around in an attempt to collect his thoughts but his eyes landed on the Winchester brothers. They were looking at Jody somberly in understanding. It didn't take a genius to figure out that their father had been a drinker. They both glanced at Crowley for a moment before turning their attention away, returning to their previous musings as though nothing had happened. Crowley reached out and placed a hand on the sheriff's shoulder. She turned her attention back to him and smiled. They didn't need to voice their understanding at this point.

"So, what about you?" Jody asked. Crowley rose his eyebrows questioningly at her. She rolled her eyes.

"You never really talked about yourself. Were you married?" She clarified. Crowley laughed and let his eyes wonder out over the others. The Winchester brothers had ventured out to join the others in the yard. Benny had brought up a new topic of conversation that involved showing scars from near-death experiences. He was showing the group a scar at the base of his neck. The others leaned in to get a better look while he laughed it off. Apparently coming close to being beheaded was funny in retrospect. There weren't really any interesting scars for Crowley to share, not that he would if he had any. Jody was patiently waiting for his answer. He wanted to tell her everything and he actually came close to letting it all spill out before he stopped himself. What was it about her? He had a feeling she had gotten many a confession in her day as a sheriff just by being patient and kind. He sighed and risked a glance in her direction.

"Ah, married no. Never that." He finally confessed, keeping it short. Jody looked surprised and didn't know whether to believe him or not. Crowley smiled and headed out to join the others before he could spill his heart to the sheriff. Jody stayed behind for a moment before following him out to the others. Sam was showing a decent sized scar on his side, he gestured to Dean and the older brother seemed to be in pain. Sam's eyes landed on Jody and they shared a moment of understanding.

"Who was driving the car?" Jody asked. Dean's eyes flashed to her in surprise and he frowned.

"Our dad. He'd been drinking… Anyway, this is nothing compared to Dean." Sam looked to Dean apologetically. Dean looked around at the others' expectant faces and rolled his eyes before lifting his shirt. He had a similar scar on his abdomen and when he turned around to show his back it was clear that he'd been impaled by something. There were a few other minor scars but nothing as serious as the first.

"The whole thing is pretty much a blur for both of us. We don't even remember being taken to the hospital. Apparently our old man had wrecked the car, flipped it a few times… The nurses said Dean threw himself over me to protect me…" Sam smiled gently at his brother.

"Not that it did much good." Dean grumbled. Sam shoved him playfully and they shared a look before turning their attention back to the others.

"How old were you guys?" Kevin asked.

"Sam was what twelve?" Jo asked. Dean nodded.

"That was the final straw for John. He had his kids taken from him and wasn't allowed to see them grow up…" Bobby shook his head angrily. Ellen placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Thankfully they had someone willing to be a good father to them when they needed it." Ellen smiled. Sam and Dean agreed. Bobby cleared his throat and looked around at the others.

"So what about you, Sheriff?" He asked. Jody smiled at him and casually pulled her shirt down to show a scar from a previous gunshot.

"The doctors said I was lucky to be alive. Attempted robbery during my first week as sheriff. The shooter was a confused teenager that didn't mean to pull the trigger." Jody pulled her shirt back up and found Dean's green eyes. She hadn't told him any of the near-death stories, choosing only fun stories. He looked at her in awe and it made her smile.

"The worst thing that ever happened to me was the zombie apocalypse and even now…" Kevin shrugged, looking embarrassed. Ash patted the younger boy on the back.

"You act like that's a bad thing, man." Ash laughed.

"Yea, be thankful for having such luck." Jody smiled and looked to Castiel.

"Any fun stories, Castiel? Close calls?" Crowley asked. The angel looked around at the others, his eyes landing on Dean.

"Nothing before all this." Castiel answered simply. Crowley looked at him strangely.

"Oh that's right, you didn't tell the new people about being a human." Meg pointed out.

"Human? I thought you came down to help out as an angel." Kevin frowned slightly.

"We were offered a chance to be born into the human world and live a full human life. A few of us took this opportunity only to find ourselves in this mess. We were called back to heaven, but I didn't want to go." Castiel told the group. The original members of the group all smiled to themselves, knowing the story and knowing what the new people were going to ask next.

"Why wouldn't you go back to heaven?" Crowley frowned. Castiel licked his lips, eyes flickering briefly to Dean before looking around at the others.

"I chose to stay with my friends." Castiel answered.

"So you got to stay here as an angel?" Kevin asked.

"He died. Human Castiel was killed by zombies protecting me." Dean answered, looking to his angel friend with a sad smile.

"So I guess you've got us all beat, huh." Jody teased Castiel. She rested a hand on Dean's back comfortingly.

"You died? And Dean was there?" Kevin asked with a pained expression. He looked from one man to another. It was pretty clear to everyone that these two were more than simply friends. Kevin couldn't imagine losing someone so important. He'd been separated from his mother during the craziness of the apocalypse but he truly believed she was out there somewhere.

"Even as a human, our Castiel was an angel." Meg smiled. The others agreed easily. Castiel looked around at them with a soft smile.

"So you have your life as an angel and a life as a human? You remember everything?" Kevin asked curiously. Castiel gave the teen his full attention and nodded.

"My human life was incredibly brief in comparison with my life as an angel." Castiel admitted.

"It's so crazy to think angels actually exist." Jody shook her head, staring at Castiel in awe.

"And zombies? You thought that was a possibility?" Bobby joked.

"Hell no. It's like the whole world is changing right before our eyes." Jody looked out to the zombies on the other side of the fence.

"We should head inside. It's getting pretty cold out." Ellen wrapped her arm around Jo. The others agreed and headed inside.

Dean wanted to stay behind to make sure the fires were completely out. Castiel chose to stay outside as well, which came as no surprise.

"Everyone seems to be getting along pretty well." Castiel said conversationally.

"Yea…" Dean responded, staring down at the charred zombie remains. The two stood in silence for a moment. "Do you think it's ever going to get better?"

"Eventually. I'm afraid all we can do for right now is focus on surviving and saving other survivors." Castiel answered. Dean moved to stand closer to the angel. Castiel offered a weak smile and Dean found himself unable to look away. He wanted to pull the angel close, kiss those lovely pink lips. Who would have thought Dean Winchester would fantasize about kissing another man. Yet here he was, craving the feel of his best friend's lips against his. Castiel tilted his head slightly, giving Dean a questioning look. Dean laughed nervously and looked towards the house. He was seriously considering just going for it.

"Dean?" Castiel asked worriedly. He wasn't sure what to do where Dean was concerned. Dean turned his attention back to the angel and searched his eyes.

"Man this is hard." Dean muttered, licking his lips before biting the bottom lip. Castiel frowned.

"What's hard?" He asked.

Castiel's mind was getting carried away with all the possibilities. Dean looked around for a moment and smirked at the garden shed. He stalked off in that direction and Castiel stayed where he was, confused. Dean rolled his eyes at his friend and gestured for the other man to join him. Once they were both by the shed together, Dean shoved an unsuspecting Castiel against the shed wall and reunited their lips. Castiel was pleasantly surprised by this sudden change. He let himself relax and enjoy this moment. Dean wanted him, wanted to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss at the realization. Dean pulled away just enough to search Castiel's face. He had a feeling that even if they kissed a thousand times he'd never get over the excitement of seeing his friend so close. What if Castiel hadn't come back as an angel? Dean had gone down this road a million times. He knew ever since that fateful day there was no way he was leaving that room alone. If Castiel had turned into a zombie, that was going to be it for him as well. And how crazy was that? The thought of losing Castiel—especially because it was his fault—was unbearable. He'd rather die too. Dean had always felt drawn to Castiel, never wanted to be apart. Maybe he'd fallen for this angel long ago. A strange whirlwind of feelings swirled inside of him making him feel sick and elated at the same time. Castiel's blue eyes held concern again, so Dean kissed him softly to reassure him. He felt as though his whole body was shaking and he wondered if Castiel could feel it too. He pressed his forehead to Castiel's, eyes closed, and tried to control his heartbeat, school his breathing. Castiel's hand was a soothing warmth against the back of Dean's neck, his other hand slid beneath Dean's coat to rub soothing circles against Dean's back.

"I'm so stupid." Dean whispered.

"Dean, what-" Castiel was interrupted by the look in Dean's green eyes up close. They simply searched one another's eyes for a moment before Castiel closed the small distance between them, reuniting their lips once more. The kiss was gentle, unhurried. Dean's fingers traced the line of Castiel's jaw, his thumb brushing over his chin until he urged Castiel's mouth open with the slightest pressure. Castiel complied, head resting back against the shed wall. Their tongues met with increasing hunger, Castiel's hands no longer comforting but urging Dean closer.

"Cas, I-" Dean breathed, pulling away from the kiss. He was dizzy from the rush of endorphins and suddenly at a loss for words. Seeing Castiel try to recover enough to be able to listen to him only made things worse. "Cas…"

Castiel pulled his best friend back into the kiss with a smile, knowing that Dean was struggling to express emotions. It was becoming too easy to imagine that perhaps Dean loved him back. The way he loved Dean.


	15. Where's Gabriel?

Benny found Castiel sitting on a bench alone staring down at some of the plans for expansion. The plans involved incorporating a farm somewhere in the middle of the residences. Benny sat on the bench beside the angel and waited on the other man to notice him. Castiel appeared lost in thought, all focus on the plans. Benny cleared his throat, observing the fence and the impaled zombies beyond it.

“Hello, Benny.” Castiel greeted simply.

“Whatcha doin out here all alone, angel?” Benny asked, turning his attention back to his friend.

“I’m worried about Gabriel and… without the aid of the other angels I’m not sure we’ll be successful in rescuing more survivors. These plans… they’re a sign of hope, but somewhere out there… others are struggling and hopeless.” Castiel met Benny’s eyes. Benny smiled and pat the angel on the shoulder.

“You can’t save everyone, cher. That’s the point. No one is going to blame you for not saving the world. You’re doing the best you can.” Benny glanced up at the sky. He didn’t know much about angels or god and he was still coming to grips with all of this- however it was starting to sink in. The world needed to be cleansed and it was happening in a horrific way. It didn’t seem to matter if one believed in god or not. Everyone was punished for the sins of humanity. Castiel smiled slightly but didn’t say anything.

“Besides all the obvious troubles, are you alright angel?” Benny asked. Castiel frowned and cocked his head inquisitively. Benny laughed. “I’m just sayin’, if things aren’t working out with Dean my offer still stands.”

“You’re not really interested in me, Benny. But thanks.” Castiel smiled and looked around for the others. Dean appeared to be teasing Charlie in the distance. Everyone deserved a break after all the hard work of getting as much fence up as they can and starting work on a communal well. The others seemed to be a blur to Castiel, but they were alright.

“What makes you say that, cher?” Benny asked with a pout. Castiel turned to meet the other man’s eyes and maintained eye contact until Benny looked away with a nervous laugh. The two men sat together in silence that remained uninterrupted until Kevin came to discuss the plans with Castiel. Benny got up to give the bench to Kevin and found himself wandering off alone.

~*~

“So? Anything?” Meg asked, taking Benny by surprise.

“Uh no. Seems he’s realized I’m not actually into him.” Benny scratched the back of his neck and looked around to see if anyone else was hiding out waiting to bombard him with questions.

“Well of course he realized. It’s not like you kept up a good charade.” Meg laughed and rolled her eyes. Benny frowned.

“What do you mean? It’s not like I was going to suddenly start harassing him all the time. Besides, I agreed to let him get over Dean if he needed to.” Benny huffed. Meg pat his arm and moved past him to watch Dean walk across the yard to where Castiel was sitting.

“It’s fine anyway. I think something happened between them without our help.” Meg smirked. Benny raised his eyebrows at this and looked between the two men in question. Kevin greeted Dean happily and they joked around for a moment before Kevin headed back towards the house. A zombie groaned on the other side of the fence near Benny, drawing his and Meg’s attention temporarily. Meg laughed and walked over to casually stab the loud zombie through the fence. When they returned their attention to the others they hadn’t seemed bothered by the zombie. They were sitting on the bench together smiling and most likely discussing plans for gardens. Dean appeared to be cheering Castiel up quite nicely. Benny glanced at Meg and found her staring at the two men with a dreamy expression.

“Nothing’s changed.” Benny grumbled. Meg looked up at him like he’d just said something incredibly dumb.

“You’ve never been in love, have you?” She asked. Her expression changed to sympathy before she smiled and nodded back towards the two men.

“It’s like they’re both trying to keep their hands off one another. For all we know, they’ve been together for a while and aren’t planning on letting anyone else know.” Meg sighed and motioned for Benny to follow her inside. He spared one more glance back to the two men and chuckled quietly. Well good for them.

And to hell with the bet.

~*~

“Ah Fuck.” The man cursed.

He looked around and grinned when his eyes landed on Cole. There was no denying it. This man had fallen here in the middle of the street. But from where had he fallen? Cole searched the sky. There were no buildings close by, no planes, nothing. Luckily Cole had just killed the three zombies he’d stumbled upon. This strange man that seemingly fell from the sky didn’t seem to have any weapons. He was dressed in a plain white crew neck tee and dark blue jeans. Cole frowned at the man and began to turn away. First zombies and now strange men were falling from the sky? What the fuck.

“Wait! Cole, hold up buddy.” The guy called. Cole turned around and frowned harder at the strange man. He was sure he’d never seen this man before in his life. How did he know his name?

“Look, I don’t know who the hell you are or where the fuck you came from but I don’t know you.” Cole growled at the man. A look of pure confusion passed over the man’s face but he shook it off and smiled. Cole stood his ground as the stranger approached him.

“Right. Yea, I get it. Nothing makes sense anymore, but look man. I’m here to help. Luckily I fell right where you were so I didn’t have to look much and… well fuck I don’t really seem to be able to use any of my powers so… shit… ok. Ah… We’re going to have to hoof it. The others are… that… no that…” The man pointed off in the distance before giving it more thought. “Ah, that way. And they actually have a decent van which we can then take to meet up with my dear baby bro…”

Cole continued to frown at the strange man. He wanted to question his sanity but as crazy as this guy sounded he had fallen from the sky. For all Cole knew, anything was possible. It had been weeks since he’d stumbled upon other survivors. No one worth getting close to. Everyone seemed to be losing their minds little by little. He’d actually had to fight for his life against one group of redneck survivors. They’d given up on all the rules and were embracing this new way of life. The man standing before him now looked perfectly harmless, too clean, too optimistic. Cole looked up at the clouds and remembered something his mom used to tell him when she put him to bed at night. Something he and Maggie used to tell Clara when they put her to bed.

_Everything will be okay. The angels are watching over you._

For a moment Cole was shaken. He couldn’t believe he was imagining such a thing but there seemed to be no other explanation. It made perfect sense. But that was ridiculous. Cole stood there battling his thoughts for a moment before his attention was brought back to the man in question who was now holding his hand out in greeting with an easy smile.

“I’m Gabriel. And yes it did hurt when I fell from Heaven.” The man winked.

“You’re…. you’re saying you’re an angel.” Cole shook his head in disbelief.

“Correct. Or well. Maybe I was. For all I know I’m more human now. Oh crap! I didn’t even think about it. I’m in a human body now. What’s it look like? I realize it’s a male body, but oh hell. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be one of you. How stressful it seems to want to be pretty… Am I a pretty human?” Gabriel asked, waiting expectantly. Cole couldn’t resist the laughter that followed the ridiculous question. The angel’s eyes rose and for a moment he looked worried. He watched Cole laugh for a moment and relaxed.

“Oh well. Guess it doesn’t really matter does it? Though if I’m a human now that means I’m going to have feelings. Ugh. You hate feelings too, right?” Gabriel asked. He wiggled his hand around to remind Cole they were supposed to be shaking hands. Cole sighed and took the offered hand. He met the angel’s eyes and couldn’t help but admire the honey color. It was like instead of having normal irises the angel had gems. What was a right word for the gemstone? Amber? Topaz? It was a strange thing for Cole to think so he shook his head and looked away.

“First things, first. You’re going to need a weapon.” Cole told the angel. He headed off down the street in search of weapons and maybe better clothing for the angel. Gabriel followed happily, seemingly unable to remain quiet for long. He amused Cole with tales of his time watching the humans and tried to fill him in on the groups they would soon be coming in contact with. Cole listened quietly, not one for small talk. He had to hush the excited angel a couple of times when they entered the shops, but the angel didn’t seem bothered by it. He simply quieted and waited patiently to be able to talk again. It didn’t take long for Cole to equip the other man with better gear, including weapons and boots. By the time they were done Gabriel had added a waist holster with a short sword on one side and a dagger on the other. He also now owned a green canvas jacket with multiple pockets. He seemed confused about why he was still so cold so Cole helped him find a flannel button-up. Gabriel was looking more like he belonged now. He led the way towards the first group, talking almost nonstop the entire way. Cole had been tense, worried that he would have to protect the innocent angel from danger but was surprised to find the other man was quick to react and very good with a sword.

“You should see me when I actually have all my powers.” Gabriel winked at the surprised look on Cole’s face.

“Why don’t you have any powers? You’re here to help right?” Cole asked in confusion. Gabriel sighed and glanced to the heavens before meeting Cole’s eyes.

“Well, like I said I’ve fallen. I don’t feel as though I’ve lost my wings but… I can’t feel them either…” For a moment Gabriel looked sad. Cole didn’t know what to say so he carried on quietly.

“We’re almost to the others. Wish I could make a dramatic entrance or something, but it looks like we’ll be entering the building like two normal guys.” Gabriel sighed and drew his sword. Cole rolled his eyes at the angel but followed him. He still had questions about why Gabriel had fallen. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Apparently it wasn’t god’s idea for the angels to help. Maybe it was a test, to see what the angels were willing to give up to help the humans. The next thing Cole knew they had walked in a random building and were surrounded by humans with guns pointed at them.

“Ah. I told you they were a good group. Did you see how fast they surrounded us?” Gabriel ignored the others and smiled at Cole.

“Who are you and how did you find us?” A blonde woman asked.

“Jess! It’s so good to see you in the flesh. You are quite the looker. Isn’t she, Cole?” Gabriel leaned in closer to Cole and whispered, “I call dibs.”

“Right. So… Rufus, Victor, Jess, Bella, and…Alphie… This is Cole. Cole, meet the others. Oh! And I’m Gabriel. Angel or possible ex-angel of the lord. Why are they still pointing their guns at me?” Gabriel looked around at everyone with his best innocent pout.

“He’s right, we should put our guns away. Just a couple of screwballs.” Rufus spoke up. Victor eyed the two men suspiciously.

“We should take their weapons until we know we can trust them.” He decided.

“How do you know all our names?” Bella asked as she reached out to accept Gabriel’s sword and dagger.

“Like I said, I’m an angel. I’ve been watching over you folks for a while now.” Gabriel grinned. He continued on, pointing out small bits of information about each person that they hadn’t shared with anyone else. They looked around at each other for a moment, taking in each other’s looks of surprise. There was still doubt however so Cole spoke up.

“He literally fell from the sky. Not that you would trust me anymore than you trust him, but if you were in my shoes…” Cole ran a hand through his short hair, feeling somewhat annoyed being around this many people. And that’s when all the questions began. Gabriel grinned and waved off their questions.

“All in good time, my friends. What’s important right now is that we get packed into your van and make our merry way to a better place. A safer place.” Gabriel seemed in a hurry to leave. The others looked around at each other hesitantly.

“This place is safe…” Jess pointed out. Gabriel turned to meet her gaze.

“Maybe. But where we’re going there are real beds, farm land, a fenced in community, and attractive new friends.” Gabriel winked. He turned his attention to Rufus. “Plus, it’s Bobby’s house.”

“Bobby? Bobby Singer?” Rufus asked with widened eyes. He should’ve known Bobby would be out there somewhere still putting up a fight. He hadn’t seen that crazy redneck in years. After that, it didn’t take much to get the group to pack up their things and head out.

~*~

Three days had gone by since Dean had finally admitted to himself that he had actually fallen for his best friend. He had wanted to tell Castiel as soon as he realized it for himself, but decided it was best to wait. Until he was sure.

Dean was on watch from midnight until dawn. It was around three that he suddenly found himself lost in fantasy about a certain blue-eyed friend of his. A friend who, as it turned out, was an angel. Dean had often found himself wondering if he could ever move past simply kissing the other man. He’d never actually had feelings for another man before. This was his first time kissing a man, feeling such intense feelings for a man. It was still a bit scary to think that something that had seemed set in stone could suddenly change. But the idea of exploring Castiel’s body… the idea of being the first- the only one- to really get that close to the other man sent thrills throughout his body. He knew Castiel had never been intimate with anyone else. Anything that he could possibly do to Castiel would be a first. It was exciting. These thoughts brought about feelings that Dean hadn’t even realized he’d been denying himself. He’d gone so long without fantasizing about being with someone else. Hadn’t even touched himself. Not that he’d had occasion, what with everyone in each other’s business these days. But damn, he could really use a few minutes alone and uninterrupted right now. Because the idea of being the one to make Cas moan, to make Cas come… Dean shuddered at the thought and suddenly found himself wondering where exactly his angel was right this minute. Usually he would come at least visit whoever happened to be on watch. It had been hours, just Dean sitting out in the cool night air alone. He really wanted Cas with him now. Both out of loneliness and desire, but he wasn’t sure he should request the other man’s presence in this situation. Perhaps it was best to suffer alone. It wasn’t like Cas was some sort of booty-call. He deserved to be treated with respect, to be cherished. Sure Dean had come to grip with his feelings and convinced himself it would be amazing to move past first base, but that didn’t mean he had to rush anything. Even if it was the end of the world.

“Cas, where are you?” Dean found himself whispering. He groaned at his lack of strength. He couldn’t even keep himself from reaching out to Cas like some needy girlfriend. There was no immediate response, so Dean tried to convince himself this was a good thing. He should’ve kept his mouth shut to begin with. Wouldn’t really do to have Cas show up while he was feeling horny anyway. His dick was hard, pressed against his jeans as though it were threatening to break free. It had been way too long since he’d given his body any sort of attention. In an attempt to placate the offending appendage, Dean pressed the heel of his palm against the bulge and groaned as it twitched and throbbed with interest. He took a deep breath and forcefully removed his hand from his groin. He was so lost in thought trying to think of unappealing things he didn’t expect to see Castiel suddenly appear in front of him.

“Dean… is everything alright?” The angel asked. His eyes moved from Dean’s widened eyes, to trail over the flushed tint of his cheeks. Dean cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable.

“Everything’s fine, Cas. You can go back to whatever you were doing. I shouldn’t have bothered you.” Dean grumbled. Castiel eyed his friend curiously.

“Are you…? Am I interrupting something?” Castiel asked. His eyes searched the balcony.

“What? No. I’m just on watch.” Dean answered quickly.

“And are you always… aroused while on watch by yourself?” Castiel asked, somewhat amused. Dean’s blush spread and darkened. He was really hoping Castiel wouldn’t notice. He stuttered a denial but Castiel smiled and turned his attention away from Dean to actually survey the yard.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, Dean. It’s perfectly human- perfectly normal.” Castiel’s words were lighthearted but Dean could tell something was bothering the angel. “I will return back to the far side of the roof, let you have your privacy.”

“Man, you say that like I’m going to just start touching myself out here. You don’t… you don’t have to go.” Dean found himself standing, approaching the angel. He didn’t want to be left alone and he couldn’t let the other man leave sounding so disappointed.

“Angels don’t feel… I mean… do you get… fuck I can’t believe I’m saying this. Do you not get horny?” Dean asked. Castiel glanced at him briefly, lowered his gaze and looked away.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He answered softly. Dean laughed nervously.

“Hey, I’m the one who brought it up. Whether you do or not, it’s fine…” Dean trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

“I’m sure the things that would turn me on are quite different from what would turn you on.” Castiel answered. Dean took a moment to repeat those words to himself, to really think about it. And then he realized why Castiel was disappointed, why he was being distant. Castiel expected Dean to be only turned on by the opposite sex. Even after all they'd been through, the kisses they'd shared.

“Yea, well I was thinking about how much I’d love to strip you down and get to know every single inch of you. I was trying to imagine how it would feel to press your naked body against mine, to be the one you experience your firsts with… I wasn’t sure just how much it would turn me on to think about anything sexual with a guy but… Cas…” Dean leaned in closer to his best friend. Castiel was staring pointedly out at the tree-line, tense and possibly holding his breath. “Just thinking about those things with you got me so hard. But I guess that’s pretty different from what you-”

He was suddenly interrupted by Castiel spinning him around so that his back was pressed against the railing, Castiel’s mouth stealing his words right out of his mouth. Everything happened so quickly. Castiel’s body was just suddenly pressed against Dean’s. He was left dizzy, stunned. And pleasantly surprised. He groaned at the feel of Castiel’s tongue seeking entrance and immediately granted it. They fed hungrily at one another’s mouths, Dean’s body betraying him to thrust his hips against Castiel’s. This resulted in him realizing just how much he’d affected the angel. Castiel’s hands made their way beneath the layers of clothing covering Dean’s upper body and Dean actually gasped into his friend’s mouth at the touch. Castiel’s hands were on his bare sides, smoothing up and down, sliding around to his back to feel the muscles there. To pull him close. For once Dean was content not being the one in charge. It felt nice to have strong hands on him, Cas’s hands on him. He shuddered and Castiel pulled away just enough to search his eyes. Dean felt intoxicated, lost in the sensations, wanting more. Fearing Castiel might end this soon he slid his fingers through the angel’s messy hair, grabbing fistfuls and pulled the angel back to his waiting mouth. Castiel groaned and gave as good as he got. After a moment he pulled away, frowning. His blue eyes searched Dean’s.

“Dean… you know, I’m not just some unfeeling angel. I’m still that foolish young man that you befriended. All of the human memories and feelings are still here…” Castiel’s eyes closed as Dean’s hand stroked gently down the side of his face, along his jaw. There were times when Castiel wondered if he was overthinking things. He wanted this so bad. He needed Dean to understand.

“I know Cas… It’s just… When you died…I-” Dean’s voice broke for a moment, so he cleared his throat. He couldn’t stop staring at Castiel’s face in amazement. “I guess I’d already…I um…I couldn’t stand to lose you and when you came back as an angel I thought I’d lost you. I keep thinking the parts of you that make you the Cas that I luh-um…that make you my best friend… would fade. I have to remind myself that you’re not just Cas anymore.”

“But I am.” Castiel argued, blue eyes staring deeply into Dean’s. He slid his hand up Dean’s shirt to pinch his nipple. Dean jumped, eyes wide and laughed. Castiel smirked before leaning his forehead against Dean’s.

“I love you, Cas.” Dean said quietly. Castiel froze and wondered if he’d begun to imagine things. Dean continued, “I’m pretty sure I have for a while now, before you… ya know. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me.”

Castiel pulled away to search Dean’s eyes, Dean smiled at him and gave him a gentle kiss. Castiel slid his hands around Dean’s back so he could pull him into a tight hug. Dean’s hand slid down along Castiel’s neck. He paused when he felt how fast Castiel’s pulse had gotten.

“You okay, man?” Dean laughed breathily. He was feeling a bit choked up with the confession.

“I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say that.” Castiel admitted. He rubbed the side of his face against Dean’s, feeling the beginnings of a beard.

“Sorry.” Dean grumbled. Castiel took a deep breath and pulled away to glance out at the yard. Oh right, they were supposed to be on guard duty.

“I’m having a difficult time trying to do the right thing.” Castiel sighed. Dean let out a breath.

“Yea, well it’s not like a zombie has gotten past the fence so far.” He pointed out. Castiel laughed.

“That sounds like something a person would say on a horror movie right before the fence collapses and everyone is murdered.” Castiel pointed out. Both men winced. They stood there in silence for a moment, still in each other’s space. Castiel focused his attention back on Dean.

“Tell me again?” Castiel requested. Dean frowned slightly in confusion, not understanding the request. He searched Castiel’s eyes, taking note of the longing and fragile hope. He flushed and wondered for a moment if he was even physically capable of repeating the words Castiel wanted to hear. Especially with those blue eyes pleading with him. He knew how much it meant to Castiel and couldn’t refuse him.

“I love you, Cas.” Dean said gruffly. Man, his voice was feeling hoarse with emotion. It was worth it to feel exposed and embarrassed. Castiel’s face lit up and for a moment Dean thought the angel might actually cry. He smiled and pulled the angel into a slow kiss.

"You know, I was thinking about how it would be stupid to have a relationship during the zombie apocalypse. Because, what’s the point in getting close to someone when the world is practically over?... But…” Dean had a hard time remembering the point to all this. He was staring at the angel from up close.

“I know what you mean. As a human, I had similar thoughts. I think that line of thinking was the main thing keeping me from expressing more than friendship towards you.” Castiel admitted. Dean smiled and let his hands trail down over Castiel’s chest, settling his hands on Castiel’s hips. He hadn’t wanted to let himself get so close to someone only to lose them, but it had happened anyway. Losing Castiel-if only briefly- had been the single most horrible thing to ever happen to Dean. To think that Castiel could’ve been gone forever without either man getting to experience what was between them now… Castiel’s expression softened and he pulled Dean’s body against his once more. Dean touched his forehead to Castiel’s.

“Perhaps love is exactly what one needs to survive such events. What good would it really do to harden ourselves and force ourselves to be alone?” Castiel said softly. Dean smiled and tilted his head so he could kiss his angel.

“So the best thing we could do to survive is to be together?” Dean teased.

“Naturally.” Castiel answered easily.

Dean chuckled and kissed the angel one more time before pulling away to try to focus on actually keeping watch.


End file.
